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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is my neighbor using me.

88 replies

Mefreebird · 16/11/2022 22:04

So, my neighbors child and mine go to the same school. I offered to pick her child as well when they are in need to be kind to them.

I'm working parent as well but I finish my job by school time, the neighbors husband works close to school but at times works from home or gets into a meeting so I always offer help in pickup.

But here I go, after I have picked their child is it not their responsibility to pick her from my home, specially when I know their mum is doing wfh.she goes to pick her second child from daycare after I have come home with her child without picking her.

Which means I have to give hungry kids something to eat. Clean the mess etc till she calls me after more than an hour of her child being in my house. She asks me to make her child cross the road ..else her second child would want to come to my house to play. Is it my responsibility.

The once in a while help is now 2 times or more per week. I'm I being used. To add to my hatred when I told my disgust to my husband he called me a bad person for thinking Soo cheap. But I'm I?

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 16/11/2022 22:06

Yes, they're using you.
And, your husband is an arse - very generous of him to be generous with your time and work load at no expense to himself.

HuggsBosom · 16/11/2022 22:07

You sound lovely but yes, you’re being used.

Stop offering help and if they ask you, just say you can’t help.

They will keep expecting more and more from you.

jackstini · 16/11/2022 22:08

I would just take the child straight home to their own house
You offered pick up, not after school club!
They are CFs

TheGoodEnoughWife · 16/11/2022 22:10

Be busy for a while. Otherwise you will
be in that trap of it no longer being a favour but expected.

And your husband is a twat. Maybe he should offer up his childcare services for free?

Original poster

Mefreebird · 16/11/2022 22:11

I don't know why I didn't join this community before. I have been suffering in silence for soo long, taking pills just to keep up with my husband standards of being polite to everyone. Thanks for talking to me. This is my medicine.

OP posts:

NotSoSlimShady8 · 16/11/2022 22:11

Omg it’s a no from me! Tell her to piss off 🤪 how rude she’s taking advantage of your kind nature. Needs nipping in the bud quickly to prevent it effecting you long term x

JetBlackSteed · 16/11/2022 22:12

I think you are being used, yes.

I would drop neighbours kid at his home and not bring him back to yours.

you could offer to pick him up (since you are going anyway) but you're only going to do it on days when his parents are home to let him in. Perfectly reasonable.

I had a similar arrangement where I picked up two neighbours kids. I got an unusual call to my work that collection time was earlier as freak weather had soaked the entire class and no change of clothes. I had to take a half day, and neither set if parents even mentioned it! Stopped that arrangement soon after.

terriblyangryattimes · 16/11/2022 22:12

In future straight out of the car and deliver to her front door. Also perhaps a "as of January I won't be able to carry on picking up your daughter ad my circumstances have changed"

LimeTwists · 16/11/2022 22:15

Yes, they are using you. She should be picking her child up at the first available moment in order to minimise any inconvenience to you. Instead, she’s making her daughter your responsibility and forcing you to not only help with pick up but also provide childcare and a meal before expecting you to take her back home! And 2-3 times a week! If she wants this regular service, she should pay a childminder, not dump it on you without even asking.

I’d say to her that you’re very sorry but this offer to help with pick up to help her out has turned into something more which doesn’t suit you and they’ll need to work out after school arrangements between them. Unless you say it, they’ll keep on taking the piss because it’s there to be taken.

Absolute CFs.

lanthanum · 16/11/2022 22:18

Take the child to their front door on the way home, before you go to your own house. Done.

And ask whether her husband could do drop-off on days when he's working in the office.

FlowerArranger · 16/11/2022 22:19

Mefreebird · 16/11/2022 22:11

Wouldn't it be nice if your husband could keep up with your standards of being considerate to one's spouse...

Quitelikeit · 16/11/2022 22:22

Seems strange how you don’t just drop her home when you pass her house?

Worriedpartner1234 · 16/11/2022 22:27

You’re being used and need to reset the arrangement. It sounds like picking the other child up isn’t an inconvenience to you so you need to say that you are happy to continue doing this but having her at your house after is impacting your routine and you didn’t realise this would be part of the arrangement.

Until you do this, they will continue to take advantage of you. If asked how it is impacting you, don’t feel the need to explain yourself. You have nothing to justify here!

Original poster

Mefreebird · 16/11/2022 22:27

It's my on wishlist. Cheers

OP posts:

Ladybyrd · 16/11/2022 22:31

If your husband is so worried about what other people think, he needs to be the one picking the neighbours' kids up and being an unpaid babysitter. It's a big fat no from me.

thisismylittlebrotherGeorge · 16/11/2022 22:33

Just drop the child home before you go home to your own house. Easy.

2bazookas · 16/11/2022 22:38

She's using you.

Drop a text that says " Sorry, just letting you know I can't do any pickups due to other commitments"

If she asks why, you just reply "It's private stuff".

Mirabai · 16/11/2022 22:53

Mefreebird · 16/11/2022 22:11

Woah, talk a little more about this. Whats going on with your husband? You take pills to help you conform to his expectations?

Booklover3 · 16/11/2022 23:06

You deserve better OP. From all concerned. 💐

StoneofDestiny · 16/11/2022 23:11

Blimey - you are seriously being taken for a ride!

XanaduKira · 16/11/2022 23:12

2bazookas · 16/11/2022 22:38

She's using you.

Drop a text that says " Sorry, just letting you know I can't do any pickups due to other commitments"

If she asks why, you just reply "It's private stuff".

I agree - do this.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 16/11/2022 23:19

Just drop their kid home on the way back if it’s just over the road; then your being helpful and it doesn’t really impinge on you.

also-tell your husband to get to fuck

BigScreen · 16/11/2022 23:28

Is your husband always so nasty to you ?

Either drop the child off with the parents on the way home or tell them you are no longer avaliable to help.

ButterCrackers · 16/11/2022 23:30

They are using you as free school collection and childcare. Do they pay part of your car fuel costs? If not you’re saving them money and time. Just say from next week on Monday you can’t do the collecting and childcare anymore. No reason needs to be given. If the school is aware of the arrangement do tell the school that you aren’t collecting this child anymore. Don’t listen to them - say no and bye. Be cheery and a big smile. You don’t work for them so you have no obligations to them.

fruktsoda · 16/11/2022 23:38

Unless there's a reason you can't, I'd only agree to pick up the neighbour's child if you can drop them off at their own home. That's generous enough!

I wouldn't really want other children in my home that often. It's extra mess and chaos and time stolen from your own day and your after-school interactions with your own family.

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