Is my neighbor using me.

[Mefreebird]

So, my neighbors child and mine go to the same school. I offered to pick her child as well when they are in need to be kind to them.

I'm working parent as well but I finish my job by school time, the neighbors husband works close to school but at times works from home or gets into a meeting so I always offer help in pickup.

But here I go, after I have picked their child is it not their responsibility to pick her from my home, specially when I know their mum is doing wfh.she goes to pick her second child from daycare after I have come home with her child without picking her.

Which means I have to give hungry kids something to eat. Clean the mess etc till she calls me after more than an hour of her child being in my house. She asks me to make her child cross the road ..else her second child would want to come to my house to play. Is it my responsibility.

The once in a while help is now 2 times or more per week. I'm I being used. To add to my hatred when I told my disgust to my husband he called me a bad person for thinking Soo cheap. But I'm I?

A 9-year-old doesn’t get to tell you what to do. They can ask to come to your house, and you say no if it doesn’t suit you.

I seriously doubt she knows when her parents are going to be in meetings.

Drop her to her own house and if her parents are in meetings, so be it. Plenty of us WFH and our primary-aged children survive without our undivided attention while we are on calls.

Why is your husband such a people pleaser? You are not answerable to him.
Drop the child at her front door - the 9 year old just wants a bit of fun after school but that’s not your issue. From Jan I wouldn’t be available - you don’t need to discuss this with him - he’s not involved. I can’t stand people pleasers - they don’t tend to treat there own family the way they treat others - it’s all about image in my view. My ex was one!!!

Perhaps your husband can do the after school collections and childcare for the neighbour? He will say no to this so tell him that, because it’s you collecting your child after school, that the situation is yours to deal with as you want. Call your neighbour this morning and say that you can’t collect anymore from today. Let the school know that you aren’t collecting the neighbours child anymore from today. This is in case they leave their child at school. You don’t need to give a reason at all. If the neighbour asks why then say that you are busy like her and can’t look after her child. Let them sort out the after school. Their problems are not yours. They can arrange collecting their child and then wfh with their 9year old in the house. If their child can’t manage that then they can get a babysitter.

You’re letting a 9 year old dictate to you? WTF! Drop her home one the way-who cares if her mum is in a meeting? She’s old enough to help herself to a snack and a drink and then entertain herself.

you need to sort your self esteem and confidence out.

your husband is vile
your neighbour is a CF
you let kids dictate your actions to you

just say NO to the lot of them.

Completely agree.

@Whydidimarryhim agree with you about people pleasers.

Must be awful to live with one.

It is all about their egos needs being met, and invariably those closest to them take the brunt of them needing to please randomers.

Over the past 25 years a few friends of mine had to deal with husbands who had those tendencies to be dragged into every bloody local committee because they were "needed" and had a "valuable contribution to make".
Pure ego.🙄

They were all dealt with ruthlessly by their wives by being told that they obviously were more concerned with their contribution outside the home, than inside, and that their wives wanted them to leave.

They weren't long adjusting their priorities because their wives absolutely meant it, and they knew it.

This. Every time. Get back from school run and drop off child before you all go in to your own home.

You sound lovely but you have a DH and a neighbour issue.

I agree that both partners can be wrong at times... We have good and bad in us. But having to deal with pleasing random people takes a toll at times.
I keep trying and then when I'm judged for being wrong when I clearly didn't do anything wrong just pushes me in to a tantrum. Then I have to apologize.

I have neglect issues from childhood abuse. My father had severe alcohol addiction and my family suffered domestic violence. I feel hurt that my husband can't see I try to be good but like to maintain a distance from social interactions.
Yesterday he said I said something wrong at the party.that something was I asked if so and so is a girls brother, they have a huge age gap. He said I might have embarrassed her mother for pointing out the age difference.... Really, in that oparty I was the one helping out with tea snacks, tidying up. Talking to guests do they feel welcomed. This was friends party not mine.

Your husband is really nasty and deliberately undermining you.

Protect yourself.

He is neither a nice or good man.

Same. Unless we'd organised a play date, I always dropped any extra kids at their house on our way home.

This ^^

OP you know what is reasonable behaviour and reasonable expectations
Don't let anyone tell you differently.

Exactly this! Husband is a twat for trying to make you feel guilty