To not host Christmas

[BigMama32]

Husband and I take it in turns to spend xmas day with one side of the family and Boxing Day with the other, this year it’s his families turn to be with us on Boxing Day.

Last year when I was pregnant I hosted and cooked for his whole family - days and days of prep and cost hundreds (as it does if you’re needing to cook for 6+ who like a drink) they were very grateful as I think they could tell how much effort I’d put in.

This year they have assumed I cooking Christmas dinner for them all over again on Boxing Day despite having what will be a 6 month old, barely any money due to maternity leave and with them bringing over 3 extra people. Husband and I set them straight but they said well we have no choice because you can’t come to us because you’re allergic to dogs. I said to in laws I really don’t mind having them over but it’s just too much money and time with a little one so if everyone could bring a bottle and a dish, or we could all put in money for a takeaway and they bring a drink each. They want Christmas dinner because “we are old and can’t do it anymore” just for context they are in their 60s and in very good health, and are being quite moody with us about my refusal to cook an xmas dinner for 8 people.

AIBU

You have set your boundaries so stick to them.

They are very rude to try and insist you host when your clearly busy with a young baby and less income. I take it they thought they could hang out with the baby while your slogging in the kitchen? Did they even offer money or to assist?

Please just say no to this. If they must come, tell them to bring all the food themselves, cook it ( if it needs cooking), and serve it, as you will be attending to your baby. Your DH, if need be can supervise.

Well they can pay for Christmas dinner in a pub for you all. How generous of them. 😊

Yes exactly “ohhhh we’ll take the baby”, oddly enough I’d like to spend my baby’s first Christmas Day with him, not running round cooking a huge dinner !

Tell them you’ve though about it and it’ll be too much so you’re having a small Christmas instead with just the three of you. Cheeky f***s

“We are old” ha ha!

60s isn’t even retirement age.

Everyone brings a dish and some bottles (roughly what they’ll drink) for a buffet, or you all go out to eat.

Out to eat sounds best as there’s no mess for you to worry about

YANBU at all. They want you to keep spending hundreds on them.

Stick to your guns. What does DH say?

barely any money due to maternity leave

I hope you didn’t pay for the meal out of your wages alone?

There’s no need to cook a Christmas dinner on Boxing Day (if I’ve read the post right). Could you cook a gammon, baguettes, big pot of coleslaw and a salad or something like that? Plus tell them them it’s bring your own drinks as you won’t be providing alcohol.

That's so rude, 'we are coming over and this is what you're cooking'!

If you want to compromise could you order everything pre made from m and s and just heat up and get one of them to bring a starter and one to bring pudding and all supply their own booze or something?

If they are that desperate to have an xmas meal cooked for them though, they can go out to a restaurant, at any time in December, surely??? You could always get them a voucher towards this for their xmas present or something?

You've said no, I wouldn't even entertain the argument any further.
If they mention it again go with "I'm confused, why are we discussing this again, I'm not cooking on boxing day." If they keep moaning "you know you're right it is a big faff so I think dh and I will just stay at home this year. See you in 2023."

Sixties is hardly old!

Also why do you always have to host both families twice every year? I'd say "we hosted last year so it's your turn this year!"

Stick to your guns OP!! We have my inlaws every year, pay for everything and they barely bother to help clear up - we actually have to ask! They all come from the other end of the country so this drags on for three days. We've put a foot down this year as we have a 3 year old and 8 month old who we want to focus our time and energy on. They're not coming and I can't wait!!!!

The cheek!

Have you just assumed you would go to them in past years?
You hosted 1 year but who hosted the rest of the time?

No I’ve never been to theres, as my post says I’m allergic to their dogs so can’t go.

Last year I hosted, the previous 2 we were in covid situation so no one was anywhere, and previous to that they went on holiday every Christmas to see their children in Australia and We normally had them over for a big meal on New Year’s Day which we had always paid for, cooked and cleaned up after

DH has had by back completely, he wants us to concentrate on being with our DS on our first xmas.

No we always split the cost between myself and DH, but with now being a on statutory maternity pay it’s just inconceivable to do that again

If money's tight then another reason to prioritise your own family, especially your little one! Don't have these freeloaders over unless they bring every scrap of food and drink with them!

Well if DH has your back then just tell them you're doing christmas for the 3 of you only and they will have to make alternative plans

I'm in my sixties and I'm certainly not old. The 'we are old and can't cook a dinner' excuse is ridiculous. They just don't want to.
When we are invited to our children's homes at Christmas we always take desserts, chocolates, Xmas crackers and savoury snacks plus alcohol as we really appreciate not having to cook and having a dinner put in front of me is a real treat. We always help with clearing up and the cook never has to wash a dish, my husband is a dab hand at stacking a dishwasher!
You just stay home with your husband and little one and have a nice relaxing time.

This one is for your husband to sort out.

Tell him that if he doesn't sort this out, then it is he who will be buying all the food and drink, doing all the preparation, decorating the table etc etc etc and cooking the dinner. Because you did it last year, and you're putting your foot down and you WILL NOT do it again this year.

How stunningly cheeky of them! I would do as a pp says and tell them you aren't having them over, full stop. With a 6 month old, surely you'll be too tired (not to mention broke!)

It doesn't sound like there is anything to sort out they've said no and her husband and the OP are on the same page!

@stonebrambleboy no I certainly don’t think it is, I don’t think my mum would appreciate being considered old at 66 🤦🏻‍♀️

‘Oh well that’s a shame you can’t join us then’

The end.

Just to add, my parents are 70s and happily cook - they prefer us to go to them in fact. We would help out of course (we being the kids and me, I’m a single parent)

@AryaStarkWolf yes we are, it’s more how to we get over the frostiness/moodiness with the in laws, although they’ve been a bit barmy in this situation I certainly don’t want to fall out, but we’re also not willing to budge and host their Xmas dinner t