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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not host Christmas

96 replies

BigMama32 · 16/11/2022 13:47

Husband and I take it in turns to spend xmas day with one side of the family and Boxing Day with the other, this year it’s his families turn to be with us on Boxing Day.

Last year when I was pregnant I hosted and cooked for his whole family - days and days of prep and cost hundreds (as it does if you’re needing to cook for 6+ who like a drink) they were very grateful as I think they could tell how much effort I’d put in.

This year they have assumed I cooking Christmas dinner for them all over again on Boxing Day despite having what will be a 6 month old, barely any money due to maternity leave and with them bringing over 3 extra people. Husband and I set them straight but they said well we have no choice because you can’t come to us because you’re allergic to dogs. I said to in laws I really don’t mind having them over but it’s just too much money and time with a little one so if everyone could bring a bottle and a dish, or we could all put in money for a takeaway and they bring a drink each. They want Christmas dinner because “we are old and can’t do it anymore” just for context they are in their 60s and in very good health, and are being quite moody with us about my refusal to cook an xmas dinner for 8 people.

AIBU

OP posts:
ValerieDoonican · 16/11/2022 14:57

My dsis is cooking Christmas lunch for our mum this year, as mum's a bit old. Which is a reasonable thing for her to be doing - given that dsis is only 64, and Mum is 90!

ifonly4 · 16/11/2022 14:59

Assuming you're having a roast Xmas Day, surely they can't expect you to do one the next day as well, from three points - the effort, cost and would you really want a roast two days in a row.

They either have what you're offering or don't come quite frankly.

Unless they've got disabilities or health problems, surely they can cook themselves a meal and it doesn't necessarily have to be a roast to enjoy it. My DM is in her 80s, her joints are starting to cause her problems, but she can still cook meal, roast potatoes (batch cooks and freezes) and put some veggies on.

Bellaboo01 · 16/11/2022 15:01

How many (excluding Children) would you need to cook for?

You, Your H, Your MIL, Your FIL and who else?

AryaStarkWolf · 16/11/2022 15:01

BigMama32 · 16/11/2022 14:53

@AryaStarkWolf yes we are, it’s more how to we get over the frostiness/moodiness with the in laws, although they’ve been a bit barmy in this situation I certainly don’t want to fall out, but we’re also not willing to budge and host their Xmas dinner t

All you can do really is smile and reiterate that they're welcome to come over for take away etc and that you don't have the time, energy or money to do a big spread this year

Bellaboo01 · 16/11/2022 15:04

It also doesn't need days and days of prep for 6 ish people and to cost 100's of pounds.

Just consider it a Sunday roast (a day at the most).

X

Musicaltheatremum · 16/11/2022 15:04

My FIL cooked Christmas dinner aged 92!

Bellaboo01 · 16/11/2022 15:05

Just serve leftovers :)

OoooohMatron · 16/11/2022 15:08

Why on earth do they expect a Christmas dinner on boxing day? It's cold cuts and pickles or a turkey pie/curry if you can be arsed surely!

OttilieKnackered · 16/11/2022 15:10

It’s mad they expect you to cook two Christmas dinners in a row. My in laws do this (though they cook it themselves and very nicely). When DP told me I couldn’t get my head round doing it twice. On Xmas day for immediate family and then on Boxing Day on an even bigger scale for aunts/uncles/cousins. They’re fairly well off and have a pretty big house but not a mansion!

Theyre in their late 50s and have done it for donkeys years as far as I can tell.

lanthanum · 16/11/2022 15:15

Tell them what you plan to serve for lunch on Boxing Day and say that they are welcome to join you, and bring their own wine and desserts if they want them. Their choice whether they come or not.

ItsOverUnder · 16/11/2022 15:17

No they take you out for a roast dinner then back to yours for cake, coffee and mince pies. Remind them to bring their own drinks, as there won’t be much alcohol served.

BellePeppa · 16/11/2022 15:24

BigMama32 · 16/11/2022 14:53

@AryaStarkWolf yes we are, it’s more how to we get over the frostiness/moodiness with the in laws, although they’ve been a bit barmy in this situation I certainly don’t want to fall out, but we’re also not willing to budge and host their Xmas dinner t

Let them be moody, ignore it and don’t pander to it. 60s isn’t even old.

Crumpleton · 16/11/2022 15:27

BigMama32 · 16/11/2022 14:53

@AryaStarkWolf yes we are, it’s more how to we get over the frostiness/moodiness with the in laws, although they’ve been a bit barmy in this situation I certainly don’t want to fall out, but we’re also not willing to budge and host their Xmas dinner t

You don't have to get over any frostiness, it's not you who's being frosty that's for your IL's to get over. You just just on as normal.
You've explained the situation as it's going to be and that's that.
You didn't ask their permission you made a statement.

TBF in the current climate I expect a fair few households that bring in two wage packets will have to tighten their belts a bit inorder to make Christmas special for their immediate family this year so asking you to shell out is a bit cheeky.

FairFuming · 16/11/2022 16:05

They really enjoyed being pampered last year and have now decided thats your 'job' also keeps you nicely out of the way while they play with your baby. My ex inlaws tried this once when I had a 2 year old and a 3 month old until informed them I'd only be cooking vegetarian food (im vegetarian but often cook meat at my work and for my DC but i stated this was the only way id do it). Pretty sure they must be allergic to anything meat free given the way they reacted with disgust at the very idea of it. So they finally agreed to go out instead. Maybe you need to have an intense attack of veganism that is boxing day specific?

Original poster
BigMama32 · 16/11/2022 16:53

FairFuming · 16/11/2022 16:05

They really enjoyed being pampered last year and have now decided thats your 'job' also keeps you nicely out of the way while they play with your baby. My ex inlaws tried this once when I had a 2 year old and a 3 month old until informed them I'd only be cooking vegetarian food (im vegetarian but often cook meat at my work and for my DC but i stated this was the only way id do it). Pretty sure they must be allergic to anything meat free given the way they reacted with disgust at the very idea of it. So they finally agreed to go out instead. Maybe you need to have an intense attack of veganism that is boxing day specific?

hahaha I love this idea! I do feel a Vegan sausage roll coming on

OP posts:
Original poster
BigMama32 · 16/11/2022 16:57

@Bellaboo01 it would be me, Husband, MIL, FIL, FILs mum, BIL and his wife who are coming from Australia. Kids would be my 6mo old and BILs baby who would be 8mo by then

OP posts:
WhichWitchIsTheWitch · 16/11/2022 16:58

Jacket potatoes, beans and cheese followed by frozen tesco cheesecake. They’ll have had a big Christmas dinner on the day itself surely so won’t want another. Unless they’re taking you all out and paying or bringing it all cooked for you just to want up.

WhichWitchIsTheWitch · 16/11/2022 16:59

Warm up. They can buy it all from M&S if they can’t be bothered with the faff.

WifeMotherWorker · 16/11/2022 17:01

YANBU
FFS what is wrong with some people and their sense of entitlement!
OP stand firm… everyone brings a dish + a bottle for a buffet or nothing, end of story and no negotiation.

Original poster
BigMama32 · 16/11/2022 17:08

WifeMotherWorker · 16/11/2022 17:01

YANBU
FFS what is wrong with some people and their sense of entitlement!
OP stand firm… everyone brings a dish + a bottle for a buffet or nothing, end of story and no negotiation.

Thank you, DH has had an earful at work apparently because “why hasn’t your wife reserved a turkey” dear god

OP posts:
Backstreets · 16/11/2022 17:10

YANBU, I don’t know what it is about this time of year that drives people mental. Stick to your guns and let DH offset frostiness, it’s his family.

Wibbly1008 · 16/11/2022 17:16

PottyDottyDotPot · 16/11/2022 14:07

There’s no need to cook a Christmas dinner on Boxing Day (if I’ve read the post right). Could you cook a gammon, baguettes, big pot of coleslaw and a salad or something like that? Plus tell them them it’s bring your own drinks as you won’t be providing alcohol.

This! Cheap ham salad with Bread…perfect, they want Christmas dinner they can book a pub meal for you all or bring all the cooked food ready for serving - by them .

Theskyisfallingdown · 16/11/2022 17:32

Why are people suggesting food items? The peoples options are: bring food, or don’t come. Don’t pander to any manipulation or sulking, ignore it.

MuggleMe · 16/11/2022 17:38

No way, boxing day is definitely a slow cooker gammon, jacket potatoes and lots of picky bits, preferably what everyone has leftover from Xmas day.

What are you/they doing on Xmas day?

SweetChild0mine · 16/11/2022 17:44

@BigMama32 why is your husbands work on his case about a turkey? Or did in laws ring him and give him grief whilst he was at work