To not host Christmas

[BigMama32]

Husband and I take it in turns to spend xmas day with one side of the family and Boxing Day with the other, this year it’s his families turn to be with us on Boxing Day.

Last year when I was pregnant I hosted and cooked for his whole family - days and days of prep and cost hundreds (as it does if you’re needing to cook for 6+ who like a drink) they were very grateful as I think they could tell how much effort I’d put in.

This year they have assumed I cooking Christmas dinner for them all over again on Boxing Day despite having what will be a 6 month old, barely any money due to maternity leave and with them bringing over 3 extra people. Husband and I set them straight but they said well we have no choice because you can’t come to us because you’re allergic to dogs. I said to in laws I really don’t mind having them over but it’s just too much money and time with a little one so if everyone could bring a bottle and a dish, or we could all put in money for a takeaway and they bring a drink each. They want Christmas dinner because “we are old and can’t do it anymore” just for context they are in their 60s and in very good health, and are being quite moody with us about my refusal to cook an xmas dinner for 8 people.

AIBU

@J0CASTA thank you that’s very kind of you and means a lot. Thanks for the advice too, I like using the phrase “ no I’m afraid that won’t work for us “. as it’s still polite and I’m not one for an argument

Definitely stick to your guns.

Old my arse! Lazy and entitled more like.

I had my parents and ILs over last year. We went out to eat because I didn't want to spend the day slaving away whilst everyone else sat on their backsides drinking and having a lovely day.

We ended up paying for everyone because my husband thought it would be rude not to
That pissed me off at the time and I won't be doing it again.

They sound so entitled and are the type that give in laws a bad name!!!!

Have you checked if you can manage at their house with the dogs in a separate room, and a pre vacuum? And maybe a portion?

Absolutely, don't host if it's not convenient for you, but just wondering about alternative solutions.

Also, you lost me at spending days prepping and hundreds of pounds. I spent under a hundred and the morning prepping.

I'd uninvite them completely.

Tell 'em to go and boil their heads

And fry their faces too

The damned nerve of them.

Totally this! If they want Christmas with you again they need to be hosting it!

We have the same but with MIL. She expects us to host Christmas dinner every year. I put my foot down and made sure dh let his siblings know in good time she'll be on her own if they don't bother helping out this year. She never invites us round due to 'space' I'd rather sit on the floor than host every year. She's in her 50's in good health working ft.

Say that this year the Boxing Day lunch will be at a local pub/restaurant and that people will be paying for what they have individually. You won’t be at their Christmas lunch so you are not taking anything from them. You are not providing anything and the get together will be at each persons own cost. If they all want to come round to your place it will be for tea and biscuits only.

Cheeky buggers. Hold your ground.

'We're happy to have you over, but providing the food and drink you are expecting cost us £xxx last year. We simply can't afford it. And even if we could, we don't want to have Christmas dinner again on Boxing Day, and don't want to spend the day stuck in the kitchen.'

Either - everyone bring a dish and a bottle (or two) or we can book to go out for a meal and everyone can pay for their own. On repeat.

You don’t have to do Christmas II on Boxing Day, who wants a second day exactly the same. PP suggestion is good - no, I’m afraid that won’t work for us, but you’re free to coke over and join in towards a takeaway we’ll be ordering.

*come over!

Any update OP?

Who is the heck is the 1% who thinks she is being unreasonable?

Im guessing her husbands family have turned up!

yes so, I asked my husband to come with me to MILs and said we can’t afford to do Christmas dinner and drinks for 8. We offered to have everyone offer for a takeaway, we had lots of guilting “oh but we like your Christmas dinners” “now you’ve got the baby you don’t want to take care of us then”!
we’re having a whip round and my husband had enforced a “no bottle no entry” rule 😂

we’ve also agreed on Secret Santa with a 30pound budget to save everyone having to buy lots of gifts

Now you’ve got the baby you don’t want to take care of us then?

I am totally speechless…..
What is it with these Mil’s who have all had babies….. so bloody selfish! They expect you the young hardworking mummy to run around after them…

The whip round sounds great, and a no bottle no entry rule is a brilliant idea! Sounds like hubby has your back.
You will only have to do this once, and you’ve broken the mould. No one needs two Christmas dinners and your Boxing Day get together becomes a new tradition..
well done!

I am in full agreement!!

They are nothing but chancers & free loaders, despite clearly having money to holiday in Australia.

Hold your boundaries or you’ll be serving them at Christmas forever

People don't get to dictate what they have at your house. If they want to chip in for a takeaway that's fine. If not, they don't have to come.