Having to clean up after myself in a cafe?

[goodmorningsunny]

I go with a group of friends and out babies to a cafe each week. Apparently the week before last the cafe manager had a go at one of the mums because she said that her baby made mess under his high chair and she didn't clean it up before she left.

This week, as I was packing up to leave (with a screaming overtired baby who is refusing to nap because of teething!), she gave me a dustpan and brush and pointed at the few bit of food under her high chair and asked me to clean up after myself.

It's advertised as a very family friendly cafe.

To make it clear, if she had made an unreasonable mess I would of course have cleaned it up (or tried, it's a bit difficult when you don't have any cleaning materials). But it was a few bits on the floor. I've offered to clean up in other cafes and they've said "don't be silly, we'll do it!".

I guess I'm going to be way more conscious about allowing my baby to make a mess in the future (good luck!). But after I told my mum, she said I should leave a negative review about it on their cafe page and seemed to think it was unreasonable.

Is it unreasonable to ask a parent to clean the floor after their baby? I'm torn because on the one side, I can see how it would be annoying for the staff. On the other hand, I don't bring cleaning materials with me and it's advertised as family friendly... which I would think would mean they're aware that babies make mess!

Hear, hear! This is reasonable. People with children aren’t more special than anyone else.

Pets at home are dog friendly but if your dog shits the floor then you are expected to clean it. The cafe is child friendly but if your kid leaves a mess then you clean it!
I’m surprised you would even question this

Depends on how much mess. A single chip or crisp, not a problem, but more than that, I do try to clean it up myself. I'm surprised you were told to do it yourself though, but maybe there are other issues too (are you a loud group? Are other customers complaining?).

And frankly, it's about entitled people who think they and their lifestyle choices are somehow superior to the servers in the cafes, and that those inferior lackeys should just be cleaning up disgusting children's messes without complaint, all because the mums deigned to stop in and buy a few coffees.

Anyone who leaves handled, mouthed, gummed-on, partially chewed bits and blobs of saliva-smeared (and god knows what else) food strewn about the table, high chair or floor for another human to clean up is just plain gross.

There is no anti-family rhetoric in this thread. There's anti-slob, anti-entitlement rhetoric, as well there should be. Inconsiderate, slovenly people ruin the ambience for everyone else.

My opinion would be the same if it were a rugby team or senior citizens group leaving food mess for a stranger to clean up, or making loud noises and commotion in a cafe.

This happens much more in other countries, I wish it would happen more here. I'd never leave a mess behind without offering to clean it up myself. There's nothing worse than sitting at a dirty table waiting for busy stuff to clear it away, I'd much rather the person before would clear up themselves. Bus their own trays, as they say in the states.

It’s not anti-feminist to suggest that mums should clean up after their kids, any more than it’d be feminist for them not to do so. This is why MN is pretty ridiculous at times - the deification of mums is silly.

Clean it up. If I walked into a cafe with food all over the floor I'd walk straight out

It didn’t take long to make it to the papers.

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/cafe-worker-gave-dustpan-brush-28506777?d=

FYI, I wasn’t reading this tripe, but it did appear as sponsored on my Facebook homepage.

Then the same parents probably moan about litter in parks etc, when its likely their little darlings doing it, as they have been trained to leave mess everywhere rather than clean up after themselves.

Of course this thread started with someone offended because she was given a dustpan and brush in a cafe, most of the people have said they always clean up after their children and yet we have somehow got to the point of back in the good old days mothers didn’t go to cafes and they have ‘no right’ to be there.

No of course you shouldn't have to clean it up, they will have to clean the floor as part of their job. You go to a cafe to have a break from that, that's why you are paying extra for a cup of coffee because you are doing so in a cafe, with staff who are also paid to clean it up. When I was a teenager and worked in a pub I had to clean up loads of mess from adults and just got on with it because it was my job. Whilst you're cleaning up did she just stand there watching you whilst doing nothing at all? She sounds awful. I would make a complaint and leave a negative review.

I would give a sponge and a spray too. Who tf you think u are, huh? Make a mess, clean it. Simple as that. Yuck

Haha yes this thread is just about manners in public places and definitely not unhinged mum-bashing from undersocialised weirdos 😂

No one has said they've 'no right' to be there. Some posters are suggesting that maybe taking up several tables for half the morning while only buying a coffee each and bringing in food from home for their children might be unfair to a business trying to make money. And that making a mess with said food and expecting staff paid by the cafe owner to clear it up is also unfair.

It would be the same if a large book club met there twice a week, bought one coffee each and a packet of biscuits from home then, after hogging 3 tables for 2 hours, went home and left the floor covered with crumbs.

Both groups are selfish and using a private business in a way that is unfair.

@JanetSally No one has said they've 'no right' to be there.

Actually multiple unhinged posters have said exactly that.

You have some truly crazy views on things.

Who even says these mums are going out for a coffee that many times a month? And what are those maths???
You have to give every single thing up as a mum because ‘socialising doesn’t come first’ and save up any spare pennies you might have spent on something frivolous like a coffee and instead of a few treats over a whole month you should pay for a 1 off kids entertainer??

Why do they have to be entitled because they dare go for coffee or have ‘nothing better to do’ because they sometimes meet people in a cafe like most other people in the world?

You keep changing this thread to be some bizarre rant about mums and actually all it does is scream ‘please pick me I’m not like other girls!’

Back in the real world MOST mums are just reasonable, normal people who happen to have children and don’t leave places in a state and MOST businesses are happy to have mums off work in their coffee shop spending money because shock horror mums go to these places at times when they are typical not busy and they want the custom.

I see more single people with laptops using coffee shops as a private office while they mull over their flat white for 3 hours and do their emails than I see kids having tantrums or people making a mess.

I meet a couple of friends once a month for a coffee and lunch. I think I’m going to suggest, that we just buy a drink next time, but bring our own sandwiches. Perhaps, a few nibbles as well, oh and some pastries to finish.

we can drop rubbish on the floor, leave half uneaten food on the table, block access to other tables with our massive shopping bags, and when the business owner asks us to clear up after ourselves, then we can come on to mumsnet, and no doubt other social media, and whinge and complain and play the victim.
I wonder if it’ll work😌

My ‘baby’ is now a hulking great teen. Child friendly places weren’t that common round us, but the one time I recall going, I saw a table of mums with primary aged kids. The mess they left was appalling. The kids ran riot and the parents were ineffective. Even back then Mumsnet consensus was that you clear the fuck up after yourself and parent your kids.

I am astonished to see that 17 years later this staggering lack of awareness and enormous level of ignorance in the op still exists

OF COURSE you don’t leave crap all over the floor! Do YOU live like that? Would you go and visit anyone who did?

cafes are on their knees atm, still trying to recover business post covid, no staff, rising costs and your group takes up a huge amount of space, buys little, stays for ages and leaves mounds of food and junk to be cleared.

have a fucking word with yourselves!

Don't forget to leave some used nappies on the tables and floor, for the servers to dispose of.

If parents with babies actually spent more than a latte and a muffin, tried not to bring their own food to feed their baby/toddler with and were more considerate about the time they spend time there (with other mums) and how they clean up if there’s excess mess (eg on the floor/on the chairs) and if there is eg excess crying/tantrumming then it’s dealt with rather than indulged then the cafe owners who run the business would be happy and would welcome mums.

I know a woman who runs a small but quite spread out cafe locally with tables outside as well as in. She has highchairs and the place is really clean, modern but cost/trendy. She also serves a lot of food which babies/toddlers can eat ranging from a small healthy kids menu to fruit juices/crisps/gingerbread men. Her husband and her (both Portuguese I think) are so lovely and friendly and have school aged children. They were so friendly and welcoming over lockdown.

their main clientele now is locals, young, retired, elderly, local business people, the odd person on a laptop and sometimes mums and kids/babies.

she only has 2 wait staff and I think a cleaner comes after they go home.

you seriously expect her wait staff to clear up excess mess babies and young kids make?!

based on this thread because I’m interested I’m going to ask if she’s ever had mums with babies and young kids and if it worked.

I might even see what my NDN used when her toddler was a baby, she now works full time apart from Fridays.

in my area we are quite lucky, there is a local eco and very baby/kid led cafe, a library with a cafe which does wriggle and rhyme etc.

no one expects mums with babies and kids not to go out at all, and most I see are very good about excess mess, excess noise etc.

It’s very rude to create a big mess on the floor and then swan off to leave the staff to clear it up on top of their other duties. Very annoying for the staff and for other customers. Good on them for asking you to clear it up.

Of course you should clean up after yourself! Time after time I go into coffee shops and see the mess mothers of children have left it’s disgusting and lazy (goodness knows what their houses are like!).
All my mummy friends clean up after their children. Why on earth would you think it was reasonable to leave a mess for someone else to clean up or get walked through the shop.