Having to clean up after myself in a cafe?

[goodmorningsunny]

I go with a group of friends and out babies to a cafe each week. Apparently the week before last the cafe manager had a go at one of the mums because she said that her baby made mess under his high chair and she didn't clean it up before she left.

This week, as I was packing up to leave (with a screaming overtired baby who is refusing to nap because of teething!), she gave me a dustpan and brush and pointed at the few bit of food under her high chair and asked me to clean up after myself.

It's advertised as a very family friendly cafe.

To make it clear, if she had made an unreasonable mess I would of course have cleaned it up (or tried, it's a bit difficult when you don't have any cleaning materials). But it was a few bits on the floor. I've offered to clean up in other cafes and they've said "don't be silly, we'll do it!".

I guess I'm going to be way more conscious about allowing my baby to make a mess in the future (good luck!). But after I told my mum, she said I should leave a negative review about it on their cafe page and seemed to think it was unreasonable.

Is it unreasonable to ask a parent to clean the floor after their baby? I'm torn because on the one side, I can see how it would be annoying for the staff. On the other hand, I don't bring cleaning materials with me and it's advertised as family friendly... which I would think would mean they're aware that babies make mess!

I do think a lot of the UK is nice, normal people though. I've had loads of really pleasant experiences eating out with my baby and overall people have been lovely. I wouldn't want any new mums to take too much notice of what the weirdos on Mumsnet say - my experience is that they are more regressive, unhappy, anti-child and anti-mother than the average person. If you just went off MN you'd have a really warped and unpleasant view of society.

Makes you wonder what their houses look like inside, if they're that piggy in public.

No one is asking kids to "stop being kids."

We ARE asking that parents take responsibility for them, and curb anti-social noise, running around and mess in places you share with the general public. If your toddler throws a chip or a biscuit on the floor, bend over and pick it up, don't expect the server to be your skivvy.

And if you are planning to serve your child a picnic packed lunch, do so outside of establishments that exist to sell food.

None of the above is anti-child. It's pretty much basic civilized behaviour.

Nah, clean and tidy, as that’s what hubby expects. So they go to some cafe and pay it on, make some min wage employee clean their shit up becsyde that’s what they need to do at home.

clean his.

Exactly! The amount of times I’ve been in a cafe and heard screaming kids or crying babies and when I’ve gone in for a quiet lunch or coffee. Reasonable noise I don’t mind but if I was to kick off screaming and shouting and crying I hope I’d be asked to leave!

I’ve had parents ask to join my large table with their kids and then the kids splay over the table etc (in a large crowded cafe), one in the past knocked over a drink and it went partly over my stuff and mum did clear it up but it was all “oh that was a silly thing to do” when he’d spent the last 10-15 minutes messing about with his sister which was why the drink got knocked over! If I’d done that as a child I wouldn’t have been shouted at but my mum wouldn’t have been pleased at all. Cafes were a treat.

As a waitress there is no way would I do that to a customer. Had people ask for the brush and I day 'no its OK I'll do it' then with a little laugh say 'it is part of the job after all'

I cleared up after my babies as they are more messy than Nirmal customers but take up lots of space in a high chair. Especially if I went with mums and had one coffee each. If ordering a proper lunch and drinsk each then found cafes were much more likely to insist on them cleaning up. Faor enough!

Finding it truly bizarre that some seem to think the right to leave food and waste behind you is a feminist issue - as long as you’re a mum.

Just listen to yourself. You're proving my point. You're literally saying that babies shouldn't be allowed to scream and make a mess in a public place. When's the last time you actually interacted with a baby? You do realise that's pretty much all they can do??? And yet you're guilt-tripping parents for being in public. This is exactly what I mean about the UK not being at all child-centred

I am not at all suggesting that we as the responsible parents should leave the place a mess. In fact I've said in a pp that I used to clean up after my baby at this age. Nor am I saying an older baby/toddler shouldn't be encouraged to have manners and clean up after themselves. Kids are kids though. They're still learning and they have entirely different experiences and needs to an adult. If we're completely intolerent of this then it makes for a pretty miserable community for parent and child

Pick up large bits - yes, courtesy. Sweep crumbs - no!

What a nasty post.

What a nasty post!

Listen to myself?! That’s a laugh!

Parents with babies and young kids should be more considerate of people without them because not everyone wants to hear a baby screaming or see kids messing around!

of course babies cry a lot and young children are still learning but that doesn’t mean that parents should subject others to this!

I’m not saying we should go back to the dark ages and ban parents with babies or young children but yes in my mind more considerate parents would make for a better cafe environment for everyone!

I'm sure most people, like me, enjoy seeing small family groups out in cafes etc., so you would have received a pleasant response to your/your baby's presence.

The situation under discussion isn't that, though. It's about large numbers of mothers and babies (and associated toddlers) congregating in a commercial establishment where they believe ordinary manners/rules do not apply solely because they are mummies with BABIES!!

Oh and @Cheeseandcrackers86 it’s not an isolated incident where I see kids mucking around it happens a lot and with gentle parenting!

at least I know if I go into a food court with eg McDs i expect kids to be badly behaved!

Out of interest, why do they never tip?

I’ve seen this mentioned a few times in the thread.

I think she went way too far handing you a dustpan and brush when you're dealing with a screaming baby. I'd be annoyed by that. That said I think you've been equally rude by not cleaning up after your baby. I usually pick up what I can and apologise if there's anything I can't lift. Babies make a terrible mess and she had reason to be angry, especially if you and your friends are going weekly and expecting the staff to pick up after you.

Madly enough I don’t sit there anywhere idly scanning anything looking for anything or anyone to judge. I said I didn’t do it, and why I didn’t do it. You’re free to crack on and do whatever the hell you want. Including having a bun fight with people on the internet over their own preferences.

I thought it a nice post.
I'm quite new to Mumsnet and its anti-family, anti-feminist rhetoric has shocked and upset me a great deal.

This thread is full of unnecessary judgement. Think quite normal for waiting staff to clean accidental spillages from the floor. And they would do it quicker and more efficiently than customers too. For instance if a customer accidentally spilled drink. Part of the reason you eat out is it’s more relaxing than home. It won’t be for parents if you’re really anxious about baby spilling stuff on floor.

Not everyone has big enough homes or lives near parks.
Depression among mother's is high because they tend to be more isolated and have less support, expected to look after children alone or go to work instead, rather than having a community or larger family sharing responsibilities.
Government cuts to sure start and other centres have made it harder to find anywhere to go with small children.

But it isn't about accidental spillages. It's about a group bringing their own food with them, splattering it around them, and leaving the staff of the cafe to clean it up. It's bad enough using a cafe as a public picnic table with byo foodstuffs, but making no attempt to collect your mess from the food you brought with you is wrong.