Sharing custody

[LDA123]

Situation is husband and I separated earlier in year. 4 kids, I am the primary caregiver. He has them EOW only Friday to Sunday. I have no family in area so do all the childcare, clubs, running around etc.

He has been relying on his Mum to collect them on his Friday from after school club at 6pm. I booked the Friday to give him extra time to collect and we pay half each. He has 9-5.30 job in an office and I’m sure he probably could WFH once a fortnight if he really wanted to.

They have now told me that I have to collect them from after school club every fortnight, bring them home and get them ready to be collected.

Am I being unreasonable to expect them to do it? I feel it’s a bit unfair to expect me to do it.

I literally only have 2 kid free nights a fortnight and nice to keep that Friday free in case I want to go out / work longer (I WFH), go away.

I don’t really feel there is much I can do about it but it seems a bit unfair. Those 2 nights are my saviour.

That’s wrong @Theskyisfallingdown
You absolutely can insure a car for which you’re not the registered keeper or the owner. You just have to have told the insurance company this.

I could get insurance on your car today if you leant it to me whilst you were on holiday. Think also of company cars, cars on PCP - those aren’t owned by the keeper.

That’s incorrect, in my country.

We always had a joint account so paid for everything from the joint account. If you looked at the numbers, he would have definitely paid for it (6 years ago) because he worked full time and I was off work on maternity leave.

The 2nd car we gave away to his Mum so is no longer ours. So there is only 1 car. We don’t need a 7 seater now because the eldest can sit in the front and 3 in the back. But it’s not worth much and I have zero savings to buy a smaller, replacement car.

I presumed when we finalised the divorce, the car would be dealt with then and transferred to my name as part of then settlement. Unfortunately this hasn’t happened yet and, as we are still married, the insurance is okay for the time being.

I really think I might just have to suck it up. I do feel it’s not really fair to him either to not have the family car when he has the kids. Although them having 3 cars and me having none doesn’t seem fair either! Up to now, he has been using our old car (now owned by his Mum). I mean, she doesn’t have to let him use it.

Stay strong on this stuff. Don’t let yourself be bullied.

I hate confrontation, this whole thing makes my hands shake and my stomach churn ☹️

This one is hard because I can see his side of the argument. I want to be fair and not cause unnecessary issues.

Don't hand over keys-does he have any? I'd be putting on a steering lock. He and his mum are being arseholes and deliberately difficult. Foot down and get yourself to CMS.

They have a key.

It’s not correct in the U.K. which is where I think the OP is?

This …..
if anything works with men like this it’s money

If it was me I’d say no you can just pick them up saturday morning - but I’d rather have an extra night with the kids anyway lol.

It's not unreasonable of him to use the bigger car on weekend, but he shouldn't leave you without a car. As a PP suggested, tell them you're happy to swap cars for the weekend and then buy a steering wheel lock so he can't just take it.

The more you stand up for yourself, the easier it will become, honestly. Don't show any weakness! They're used to you rolling over so it will be a shock for them that you're not going to to that anymore.

How long before the divorce and financial settlement is concluded? At least all of these issues have come to light now, so you can be very precise in the wording of the parenting/custody agreement, e.g. 'father is responsible for collecting them from school on Friday and delivering them back on Sunday at 6pm' and 'all child related costs will be covered by the parent who is looking after them at the time'.

To clarify, it is incorrect in the UK country I live in
Can't imagine it's so completely different in other UK countries. But that's something for OP to sort.

Can you not expose my occupation? Cheers.

It’s hardly outing 🙄 it’s up there with “cycling” as the secret man hobby.

Can you not use the PM function to send me LOL for something you haven’t shown to be true?

I’ll repost the other picture that was in my deleted post, and show you why I think you can insure a car you don’t own (kind of necessary for all the company, PCP and lease cars out there!). If I am wrong, very happy to be corrected. But please correct with a link to something that’s actually going to help the OP.

Yes, I didn't consent to you sharing my personal details, hence the PM. I will cease derailing OPs thread now.

Personal details 🙄
This isn’t derailing, it’s core rung either my or your error on a point for the OP.

@LDA123 wants to continue to use the “former marital car” and you have told her that there is some kind of spousal exception that allows her to insure it even though she’s not the legal owner. But as soon as she is divorced, she won’t be able to insure it. I don’t think that’s true. So it would be helpful if you would validate or retract your information, instead of leaving potentially* false information for her.

*as I said - if you’re right, happy to be corrected. But you seemed to be more interested in sending me PMs laughing about your better knowledge rather than just explaining it here 🤷🏻‍♀️

*core rung = correcting

Yes, someone’s job is personal information. OP is best to check with her insurer if they will allow her to insure something she does not own, once she is divorced, or if the man will need to transfer the V5 in to her name. They can decide themselves if she has any insurable interest in it. Underwriters seem fairly standard in this.

Right, so you can insure something you don’t own. Like a company car, or car on lease / PCP. And I doubt the underwriters would have any issue accepting that you have an insurable interest in a vehicle that you drive.

Glad we’ve got that cleared up then.

The insurance is not an issue, we are still legally married so until we are divorced it’s fine for me to have the policy in my name.

Have you got it in you to stand firm? Say no I’m not being left without transport while you have access to 3 cars, happy to do a swap though. They are just trying to push and push any way they can to feel like they’ve “won”.

personally I’d buy an anti theft device that locks the steering wheel so it can’t be accessed by anyone but the key holder. They aren’t expensive, think you’d get one for around £30. Something like this

How have you got on OP? Did you manage to keep the car?

I do think they sound like a horrible pair. Once the divorce is done you would be best eliminating as much as you can of things they can use to control you.

Hope you're having a good weekend.