To expect husband not to go out the night before son's 6th birthday

[FluffyWorm]

My husband's work do falls on the night before my son's sixth birthday. His birthday party is the weekend before so my husband will be there for that.

Usually when husband goes out the next day will be a right off.

Our son will get up early and want to open presents straight away with both of us.

Yabu - husband can go out
Yanbu - husband should not go out

I am baffled why you think an adult can't go out the night before and still function at a party !

I go out a couple of times a week until 4 and go to work the following day. You are being very controlling

@maddy68 do you go to work drunk?

I think he has a right to go to the do- your son could open the presents a bit later than 6 a.m. Most kids do.

If your dh can't control his drinking at such events, that is a separate problem.

The only person with control issues here is the adult who cannot moderate their alcohol intake.

We have never done present opening in the morning before school - always afternoon, if at the weekend, or after tea if a weeknight.

I wouldn't cause a fuss about him going to his works night out. And in all honesty if you have to open the presents that early, he is either up or not. It's him missing out.

@hassletassle

If your husband "really doesn't give a shit" no amount of leaping around, cajoling, ordering him or threatening consequences is going to make him give a shit, and you've got bigger issues than whether to "let" him go on a night out.

@GreenManalishi I agree, but the op was just at least trying to save the feelings of her child despite all of that.

I was so hungover the day of dd1 3rd birthday I didn't actually get out of bed till about 3pm lol.

Op, how many of the presents/decorations/cakes etc dod your husband choose and buy and wrap? My dc would never open their presents without their father.

No. But have been hungover on occasion.

How is this a "lol"?
I can drink with the best of them, but I know when it's appropriate and when it's not.
It's pretty shabby to rise up out your pit at 3pm on your child's birthday.

I would not ask him not to go, but would ask him to try not to drink so much and try to come home earlier as you have a busy weekend.
If he still came home at 4am I would still wake him up and make him join in, it would be his fault if he was suffering. X

Most people are going to answer this on the basis of being partnered up with an actual adult male, who can go for a few drinks and then come home, i.e. that there’s absolutely no reason why he shouldn’t go the work do the night before.

You’re obviously not partnered up with such a specimen. So you’re going to get answers you don’t like.

@maddy68 do you drive to work?

Because I'd just finished a 90hr week of nightshifts, didn't go to bed and had a drink with her dad. She still got all her presents, balloons and cake. She also had no idea it was her birthday. However since then I'm the first one up and wishing her happy birthday.

I get it, I'm a shift worker myself.
I just didn't understand the "lol", that was all.
Many a time my shift pattern has interfered with my kids' birthdays, and I feel a bit crap about that.
Thanks for replying. Shift work is tough 💐

6am isn't early for a 6 year old to open gifts.

Can't stand the alcohol culture where its ok to prioritise alcohol over your child's birthday. It's just a bloody drink. It's not important. Going out is fine.

No worries. Tbf I put it on comments without thinking half the time. Also her 4th birthday I was up at 4pm as I'd been nights in the temp hospital in Glasgow before it but made sure I wished her happy birthday etc before I went to bed. I'd have stayed up but was 14 weeks pregnant with her sister at the time.

Oh god, bless you - that is hard.
My 3 are older now (24, 15 & 13) so it's easier for me nowadays.
That said, my 15yo DS asked me earlier this week what shifts I'm on - he wanted me to come and watch him play in the inter-school hockey final on Sunday.
I'm on double shifts tomorrow and Sunday, then go on to nights next week, so I can't go 😢.
It feels shit, but I've worked shifts all my adult life, so my kids don't know any different.

For those people saying your the asshole, they've never had to look into their children's eyes and see the hurt and disappointment caused by the other parent. Never had their child's hopes and wishes crushed because alcohol/ drugs is more important. She's asking because he won't limit himself, he goes out like a single man not a husband and father because honestly there is no reason your work holiday party should last until 4 am. If he could control himself he'd go for food and a few drinks and be home by 10 or 11 at night. For those of you saying the kid should wait... sure wait until after breakfast but not 3 pm because dad is hungover and worthless. NTA. I'm sorry honey but I think regardless of what you ask, he is going, his needs come first and he will blame everything on you when the day is ruined. You deserve better.