To expect husband not to go out the night before son's 6th birthday

[FluffyWorm]

My husband's work do falls on the night before my son's sixth birthday. His birthday party is the weekend before so my husband will be there for that.

Usually when husband goes out the next day will be a right off.

Our son will get up early and want to open presents straight away with both of us.

Yabu - husband can go out
Yanbu - husband should not go out

People freaking out about opening presents at 6.30. That's what time my children catch the school bus. Even if we drive them, we leave home at 7.15.
I was thinking that too.

He can go out- and if he does he can act like a grown man with grown up responsibilities the next day. If he chooses to go for a night out he could a) drive b) drink in moderation c) get blocked and suck it up the next morning for your ds's benefit. If he does this all the time then I can see why you'd be pissed off preempting it, but if it's the odd night for a work do then I'd be inclined to let it slide and let him go back to bed for a few hours until lunchtime after presents. I wouldn't expect the whole day to be a write off for him though.

He’ll be miserably hungover but that’s his problem, not yours.

Your DP goes to works Do but doesn't drink excessively and gets home before midnight... because it's his sons birthday the next day and he has family plans that start early morning (which he needs up be sober for)

If your DP can't do that for a family event or for his son , then he's a shit parent
It is possible to go to works Dos and remain sober, or drink very little, and decide what time you leave. Even if it's a "hard partying culture" everyone would understand "Gotta go can't have third drink as it's my son's birthday tomorrow and we have plans"

I assume getting drunk and rolling in at 4am isn’t mandatory. It would be great if he was a decent parent that slightly moderated his behaviour so could do both the works party and enjoy his son’s birthday the next day

6am is not early when you have young children it's a perfectly normal time. And of course a child's birthday trumps an adult getting drunk. Some of you are not the best parents.

Unreasonable to expect him to stay in, especially if it’s a works party.

Just ask him to take it a bit steady and remind him that he needs to be up the following day for the birthday.

It's a no from me. He has 364 other days of the year he can go out

If he's one of those men who spends most of day after a big night out in bed, then he shouldn't go out.

If he's able to be up and functioning then he should go out.

If he gives a damn he won’t get too drunk - a mild hangover would be ok imho.
Tell him to have a coke between every drink.

Still letting everyone make assumptions about what a drunken, awful farher your DH is OP. Very curious. Is he as bad as everyone is trying to make out?

This is an alcohol issue, not a work issue. I have a major work event that falls around my kids birthday every year, just timing. I go, have a few drinks, come home at midnight and smile brightly the next day. Parenting.

This is not yours to manage. Your DH is 50% of your child's parents.

DH knows it is DCs birthday. He knows what time he wakes up, and that there will be an expecation from both you and DS for him to be a reasonably functioning present adult on DS birthday.

If he chooses to stay out until 4am doing whatever people do in order to stay up til 4am, thats his business. He's a big boy, presumably he's had a hangover before, and knows that it hurts. If Dad can't get up because he had too many beers and he needs to stay in bed, then that's on Dad. You can't always jump in the way of disappointment for your child, that's the dad he's got and DH is responsible for DH, not you.

You leave him to it, micromanaging a partner is not fun for anyone.

Precious first born?

I would expect my husband to be ready for our son's birthday. I wouldn't dream of banning him from his works party. A works party does not oblige anyone to get so drunk that he can't function the next day.

Because he likes them?

The sort that works Monday-Friday?

I agree it's an inability to control alcohol consumption problem rather than a birthday clashes with works do problem.

Yes on condition he doesn't get drunk

Also at 6, presents can wait until after a sensible timed breakfast, maybe 9am

Surely the sensible thing for him to do would be to attend the work night out without drinking so much alcohol that he renders himself completely useless the next day.

At six years old, birthdays are still exciting. I'd be fucked off at my partner if they thought getting pissed was more important than their child's birthday.

If Dad can't get up because he had too many beers and he needs to stay in bed, then that's on Dad.

So, in practice , Dad can do whatever he wants and screw everyone else / his child's happiness on their birthday morning.

"That's on Dad" doesn't really mean anything else. There won't be any actual consequences for Dad, just for the rest of the family.

Can't blame the op for wanting to prevent her child being disappointed on birthday morning.

I think as its a one off that your DH has no control over the date, then fair enough, it's not the same as he deliberately arranged something. Would he amend his behaviour and not stay out as late as he knows its DS birthday

FWIW my DH has done completely optional things for himself a few times on my kids birthdays and I think he is unreasonable for it but I couldn't get as annoyed about the night before

No, I agree with @GreenManalishi. It's not for the OP to police or control her husband's behaviour. She shouldn't even have to remind him that he needs to be around for their son's birthday morning, but she may decide to.

But saying "You cannot/should not go to the party" is unreasonable in an adult relationship. A reasonable adult will moderate their behaviour to prioritise important occasions like a child's birthday.

And there is a [long-term] consequence for him. He becomes a shit, uninvolved Dad.

I'm just trying to imagine anyone going in to work saying sorry can't go to the do i need to watch my son open presents the next day