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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect husband not to go out the night before son's 6th birthday

120 replies

FluffyWorm · 15/11/2022 17:04

My husband's work do falls on the night before my son's sixth birthday. His birthday party is the weekend before so my husband will be there for that.

Usually when husband goes out the next day will be a right off.

Our son will get up early and want to open presents straight away with both of us.

Yabu - husband can go out
Yanbu - husband should not go out

OP posts:
thecatsthecats · 16/11/2022 12:50

Itloggedmeoutagain · 16/11/2022 12:24

I'm just trying to imagine anyone going in to work saying sorry can't go to the do i need to watch my son open presents the next day

I can. Because I worked with men who loved their children. They'd have a couple, then bow out in good time to see the presents they had chosen opened, and tell us all about how they liked them later.

And nobody else said anything but, ahh, that's nice, because we work together, see each other all week, and aren't so monumentally dull as to think that getting wasted is the only form of entertainment.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 16/11/2022 12:52

thecatsthecats · 16/11/2022 12:50

I can. Because I worked with men who loved their children. They'd have a couple, then bow out in good time to see the presents they had chosen opened, and tell us all about how they liked them later.

And nobody else said anything but, ahh, that's nice, because we work together, see each other all week, and aren't so monumentally dull as to think that getting wasted is the only form of entertainment.

Show quote history

Exactly
They'd have a few and go home
OP is saying he shouldn't go in the first place

SallyWD · 16/11/2022 12:56

Just as aside, it really annoys me that we have such a drinking culture in the UK that these conversations are completely normal. In most other countries it wouldn't be the norm to get absolutely hammered on a work night out and to arrive home at 4am. I'm sure I'll get flamed for this but I do feel us Brits aren't very civilised on nights out.

Ponderingwindow · 16/11/2022 13:02

The problem isn’t that he wants to go out for the evening. The problem is that he is a grown man who can’t modulate his drinking and overall behavior to make sure he is able to get up and fully parent the next day.

Being hungover isn’t inevitable or necessary. It’s something to be expected from an inexperienced teenager who doesn’t know how to drink.

DeeCeeCherry · 16/11/2022 13:16

I think he should go, get up to watch his son open presents, then go back to bed.

Some posters are being deliberately obtuse - when youre a family wirh a young child then its a case of acting accordingly. I get the feeling thats childishly seen as 'boring'.

Dad absent, in bed all day sleeping off a hangover on son's birthday is the pits. Hopefully you wont be expected to traipse back and forth bringing him sustenance

I went to works do's, parties etc when my DC were little, I just didnt drink myself stupid then expect to be in bed all next day as per my young free single childless days. It's not difficult is it? I'm a parent, that's how it goes

Itloggedmeoutagain · 16/11/2022 13:21

Ponderingwindow · 16/11/2022 13:02

The problem isn’t that he wants to go out for the evening. The problem is that he is a grown man who can’t modulate his drinking and overall behavior to make sure he is able to get up and fully parent the next day.

Being hungover isn’t inevitable or necessary. It’s something to be expected from an inexperienced teenager who doesn’t know how to drink.

This

luckylavender · 16/11/2022 13:24

You sound quite controlling. It's his work do. He's going to the Party.

gold22 · 16/11/2022 13:28

I'm normally not bothered about DP going out but my DS is about to turn 6 and would be upset if his dad wasn't up and about on the morning, and tbf his dad wouldn't want to miss it either!

Surely the happy medium is he goes but he chooses not to get obliterated, that's probably what I would do if it was my works do and probs what DP would also do, because a work night out wouldn't trump upsetting my kid!

Are the people saying it's ridiculous 6am presents actually got/had 6yr olds? Mine gets up anytime between 6 and 7 and is just as excited for his birthday as he is Christmas 🤷🏻‍♀️ they're little kids who want to open the presents infront of them, absolutely nothing weird about that

maryberryslayers · 16/11/2022 13:41

Surely the compromise is that he goes but only drinks enough that he is able to get up as normal the next day? That's definitely the rule in our home, and what we expect as parents.
We get smashed on the rare occasion we have an overnight baby sitter.

Poopoolittlerabbit · 16/11/2022 13:43

He shouldn’t get so wrecked that he can’t be there for his child. Obvs. But of course he can go out.

londonrach · 16/11/2022 13:59

Don't see the issue. It's the day before. Yabu

CrotchetyQuaver · 16/11/2022 14:10

YANBU if he usually gets wrecked and it goes in till 4.

However it might be a wake up call for him that part of parenting is having to curtail your own fun sometimes because there will be an excited little boy looking forward to his birthday.

I'd discuss it with him and try and convince him not to get too wasted because of his son, then see how it all pans out

Mummyof287 · 16/11/2022 14:17

Surely the compromise would be that he goes to the work do but curbs his drinking and returns at a reasonable hour!? .I find it rather concerning that a father would WANT to go out partying til 4am and spend his young sons birthday nursing a hangover! He shouldn't think its okay to do that himself, not alone need you to tell him.Sounds like be needs to grow up and step up tbh.

SnotRag22 · 16/11/2022 14:29

Activelyannoyed · 16/11/2022 11:28

Precious first born?

I don't understand this kind of mentality. Does it matter I'd it's her first or her fifth?

It's their child's birthday, it's important, she doesn't want her DH to be shitfaced/hungover and useless for it as it will mean shes doing it all on her own and he's letting his kid down.

She's supposed to be in a partnership. He should want to be there. Not necessarily bright eyed and bushy, but not green with drink or still pissed.

Surely he can go out for a few and then have soft drinks, and if he can't then I'd think a lot less of him.

Activelyannoyed · 16/11/2022 14:47

Mummyof287 · 16/11/2022 14:17

Surely the compromise would be that he goes to the work do but curbs his drinking and returns at a reasonable hour!? .I find it rather concerning that a father would WANT to go out partying til 4am and spend his young sons birthday nursing a hangover! He shouldn't think its okay to do that himself, not alone need you to tell him.Sounds like be needs to grow up and step up tbh.

No it’s he gets his ass out of bed and is there for his kid opening rhe presents.

The2Omicronnies · 16/11/2022 14:57

Only read the first page of responses and I think I’m definitely in the minority in thinking it’s sad he would choose to go out until 4am knowing his son will wake up excited on his birthday wanting to open presents. I don’t think it’s unreasonable that your child would want to open presents at say, 7am, rather than waiting for his hungover dad to drag himself out of bed.

I’m not sure why it’s so ridiculous for a young child to want to open their presents but fine for a grown man to get annihilated until 4am?!

I wouldn’t mind my partner going if he compromised and perhaps took it a bit easier.

SweetChild0mine · 16/11/2022 14:59

Is this about the birthday or your husband going out

Geppili · 16/11/2022 15:04

Alcohol problem: binge drinking. Selfish father.

Pasc611 · 16/11/2022 15:46

Geppili · 16/11/2022 15:04

Alcohol problem: binge drinking. Selfish father.

Exactly, and this is going to set a terrible example for his son, who is going grow up thinking a father going out drinking until 4am then being in bed ill the next day is normal. A man who does this is a binge drinker, and they only get worse and only act when their health gives out. He shouldn't have got married if he wanted to behave like that and he shouldn't father children..

AryaStarkWolf · 16/11/2022 15:50

Yes you're being massively unreasonable, it's not even the day of his party, your son won't care if his dad isn't there for the present opening I'm sure

hassletassle · 16/11/2022 17:13

Don't see the issue. It's the day before

4am isn't the day before

GreenManalishi · 16/11/2022 17:23

@hassletassle

"That's on Dad" doesn't really mean anything else. There won't be any actual consequences for Dad, just for the rest of the family.

I don't agree. Rather than OP being in charge of managing her partners behaviour by putting in place consequences should he not "behave himself", there will be natural consequences, which are always more effective.

GreenManalishi · 16/11/2022 17:24

... but then, I find parenting a partner such a massive turn off, and I know some women are very happy with that dynamic, horses for courses.

hassletassle · 16/11/2022 19:28

there will be natural consequences, which are always more effective.

Not really, not if he doesn't really give a shit.

toomuchlaundry · 16/11/2022 19:30

DS would have missed DH not being there to open presents especially if he is drunkenly snoring loudly in bed. What a great example of parenting