To expect husband not to go out the night before son's 6th birthday

[FluffyWorm]

My husband's work do falls on the night before my son's sixth birthday. His birthday party is the weekend before so my husband will be there for that.

Usually when husband goes out the next day will be a right off.

Our son will get up early and want to open presents straight away with both of us.

Yabu - husband can go out
Yanbu - husband should not go out

Presuming your hard wedded to the early present opening

It's a 6 year old child! Of course they're "hard wedded" to opening presents in the morning.

It’s neither of your options. He should go but stick entirely to soft drinks. That way he can’t “get carried away” after one or two.

Obviously he should be present in every sense for your son’s birthday but an adult should be able to be physically out fo the house the night before and this still happen.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing I agree , this would be the ideal solution. But it sounds like the ops DP couldn't commit to that, sadly. I could be mistaken!

If he can’t commit to sticking to soft drinks he clearly has a problem with alcohol. I love a drink and dont enjoy stopping at one or two (unless I then go home) so my preferred course is to have no alcohol if I’ve got a big commitment then next day.

He needs to not drink alcohol which is a choice and one that is easy to make as it’s child’s birthday the next day. He can tell his mates and they can help him stay sober

1. Of course he should go out.

1. Of course he should get up early and celebrate his child birthday

Well he'll just have to suck it up and suffer his hangover then.

I like how it's reasonable to get the 6 year old child to contain his excitement over his birthday but not to suggest the grown ass man moderate his alcohol intake a bit. 🙄

OP, I know what it's like to be married to someone like this. The selfishness and entitlement of them just takes your breath away.

Jesus - me and DH can go on work nights out, not get drunk and be home by 11! I suppose we're boring though. I used to be like your DH but it's all so unappealing now...

What is DH saying about it so far?

Surely the compromise is either he goes and limits the drinking or ensures he can get up for an hour or so to be there for present opening and then he goes back to bed?

I think he should go out and he can either manage the consequences of drinking with the early morning wake up or try and hold back a bit so he can enjoy the following morning.

Your son's birthday is neither here nor there - the issue seems to be that your husband can't control himself on a night out so the next day ends up being a write off. Once in a while I could agree with but if it happens with enough frequency for you to already predict what will happen then the issue lies therein.

I suppose it's useless to suggest to your husband that he act like an adult at his works do and actually exercise some control over his drinking and get back at a sensible hour?

Why can't he be an adult and not get drunk and return at a sensible time.

Eg few beers back by half one.

Why does he stay out to four and get pissed?

I'd be tempted to wrap up a toy trumpet for DS to open in the morning.

He clearly doesn't prioritise your sons birthday if he can't call it quits at a sensible hour to be able to join in the fun of the day.

6am present opening wow tbh if he can function ok the next day I don't see the issue

I'm not one for saying that parents should make huge sacrifices at every turn for their kids, but I can't fathom that it would be THAT much of a sacrifice to have a few drinks til midnight, another hour of soft drinks, home for 1.30 and up for presents?

I can booze up as much as the next woman, but if you can't compromise a bit then you have a problem.

People freaking out about opening presents at 6.30. That's what time my children catch the school bus. Even if we drive them, we leave home at 7.15. I've never had to deal with this as my children have their birthdays during the summer hols but if they didn't they'd have to be up well before 5.30 if they wanted to open presents before school (and of course they would - they're children)! I appreciate our bus is very early but surely present opening at 6-7 for kids who have birthdays on a school day and need to leave the house at 8ish is entirely normal.

And as for "it's not Christmas". No. It's a birthday. The child's own special day. Way more important.

It's his work do. Obviously he should go. Even if it wasn't his work do he should go especially if he doesn't really go out often.

Why does your son need to open presents at 6am? That clearly isn't convenient for the other family members, so he can wait till its a better time. 😌

You're letting everyone make a lot of assumptions about your DH, OP. Have you actually discussed the matter with him? Has he actually said he's planning on getting wasted, not coming home til 4am and then ignoring/ruining your DC's birthday? You're letting people assume that he is a dreadful father, that he does this every night or weekend, that he's a drunk who can't control his own drinking and doesn't care for his DC. Is this all true?

Apart from anything else doesn't just about everyone know the work do is the one outing on earth in which absolutely nobody should 'get wasted'.

Also, why would he want to get drunk with Work colleagues.

What sort of work is happy with the employees going out til 4am, and being utterly unfit to work the next day?

Why does he have to drink so much? It's not a good idea at any time. But especially in this instance he just needs to keep it down, drink lots of water to measure it and come home earlier. Can he do that?