To think “friends” don’t text each other like this?

[harrystylish]

boyfriend speaks about this ex sometimes and says they are friends. They live in different parts of the country and split 2 years ago.

there’s some from him that I’m a bit pissed off about eg “nice tan 😉 been away?” but then others like “can I call you?” at like 2am in the morning and then “I wish I could call you whenever I wanted to 😔” wtf?

The contact isn’t constant, but it’s always lingering in the background. they can go a few months not talking but then back to late night FaceTiming and phone calls, planning days out.

they do meet up occasionally and spend a lot of time together when they do - eg a whole day. I don’t think they’re sleeping together.

it sounds pathetic but he’s still got her name saved in his phone as his pet name for her with Emojis next to it and it makes me feel uncomfortable.

all this and they’ve got each other blocked on social media, it just doesn’t make sense. Call logs of 4 hour phone calls though.

How do you know if it really is just friends? Something feels off but deep down I don’t think he’s cheating

Can you really love someone after such a short relationship though? It lasted months, I just can’t see why they can’t cut the cord now

It took me quite a few years of rubbish relationships in my 20s to realise that the answer to most of my questions, when it came to partners' motivations for behaviour that unsettled me was quite simply "because they don't want to."

They don't want to cut the cord so they haven't.

They don't want to close the door so they haven't.

They don't want to never flirt again, so they haven't stopped.

Etc etc.

He's doing what he's doing.

You know what he doing.

He's not going to stop doing it of his own accord so you need to decide whether you want to tell him it's a dealbreaker or do what I think I would do - ask myself if I want to be with someone who is communicating with an ex in a way that I personally feel uncomfortable and then asking myself whether that means we are fundamentally not compatible / not on the same page.

And with almost every single relationship issue, if you can't have a calm and kind chat about it then you're with the wrong person.

I think you can. It may not be common, but it does happen. DH and I were 'love at first sight' and we've been married over 30 years now.

Either of them could cut the cord if they really wanted to, but apparently neither of them wants to. This is one of the things that made me wonder about them being in love but incompatible.

They’ve been speaking. Just that there were long periods you didn’t know.