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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sorry, a trivial social media one-WIBU putting up wedding do photos?

98 replies

ACollectionofCells · 15/11/2022 03:35

This scenario involves two friends of mine/one another's.

Friend 1 got married on Saturday. Me and partner attended the evening do.
Friend 2 was a bridesmaid.

We sat with friend 2 once we got there and learned that she wasn't happy. Friend 1 had several other bridesmaids, and a couple of the others who didn't know friend 2 were being snippy with her, rolling their eyes at her, didn't let her get her make up done in the same room as them,didn't pour her a fizz when they got one for a photo, just generally being quite nasty.

Friend 1 (bride) came over to see us when friend 2 was in the loo and said she also wasn't happy, friend 2 had been quite nasty with her recently (it was loud and I didn't get much detail of this unfortunately).

At about 1900 (we got there about 1600 when the evening 'do' started), friend 2 said her and her husband were nipping out for an hour to see husband's friend who lived just down the road and to get some fish and chips.

We left about 2230 and they still weren't back. Before leaving I spoke to friend 1 who wasn't happy with friend 2 for leaving. I apologised that we were also leaving relatively early but I was driving and we were staying at a friends so didn't want to turn up too late (we couldn't find a nearby hotel and too far to feasibly drive home so staying with my family member who lives locally). Friend 1 said she totally understood, It's a long way to come, fair enough but she was very annoyed at friend 2.

I made a point of taking photos at the wedding do, being one of the few sober ones at the night do, and did get some lovely ones.

Friend 2's husband has messaged me and asked me to take them down as it might upset friend 2 who was very upset that day and didn't need reminding. Despite all the above we had a really good time and friend 1 looked gorgeous and happy and I knew she'd be fine with the photos being up on SM (she was/is). Friend 2 doesn't 'do' social media a lot but will sign in now and again (not that it should matter IMO)?

I don't know whether to just take them down, contact friend 2 to see what she thinks, leave them up and say to bog off, or what.

Further info if required-I'm closer to friend 2. More of a trusting, close friendship.
I think she'd probably tell me, but I am not sure-if she had an issue with my photos. I love friend 1 too, but we've just not spent as much one on one time together and our personalities just don't gel quite as much. Ive known both women for about ten years, and the two of them have known each other longer, about 13 years and used to be very very close. I am sad that their friendship has
hit ructions.

OP posts:
Kedece2410 · 15/11/2022 03:50

I'd take them down. You've been specifically asked to. It doesn't matter the reason if someone doesn't want their photos on SM it's unfair to leave them up. Even though she hasn't asked directly the fact her husband has you should take them down.

Januarcelebration · 15/11/2022 03:51

Friends 2 husband wants you to not posts photos of a wedding you went to, that friend 2 was at incase it upsets her?

That’s absolutely ridiculous. I wouldn’t be taking them down.

does friend 2 have form for making everything about them?

startfresh · 15/11/2022 03:56

If Friend 2 is in photos, maybe take those ones down, she has a right to not want to be posted.

If she's not, then leave them.

Topseyt123 · 15/11/2022 03:57

I wouldn't have bothered taking them or putting them up in the first place.

I guess posting pictures of others on social media without their permission is a bit of a sticky wicket. They may not like it.

Original poster
ACollectionofCells · 15/11/2022 04:02

Sorry, missed out the info that I hadn't put up any of friend two. I have some, but I didn't put these up given I knew she was upset and she is quite particular about photos of her, I didn't get any I thought she'd like. She's in the background in one of them but you can't tell It's her. They were all of bride and groom, groups of other friends, people dancing, me partner and bride etc .. I did put up some of friend 1 but I know her well enough to know she really wouldn't be bothered by them at all, she's just not at all fussy about that kind of thing.

OP posts:
Forever42 · 15/11/2022 04:06

If she isn't in the pictures then she really has no say what you post!

Original poster
ACollectionofCells · 15/11/2022 04:06

@Januarcelebration I don't like saying it because I love her and value her friendship but yes she can be a bit like that. I do feel sorry for her for what happened at the wedding though, I think she felt very ostracised.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 15/11/2022 04:09

Just change your settings so her and her husband can't see them. Then there's no problem.

Mumteedump · 15/11/2022 04:09

Don’t take them down

RoseGoldEagle · 15/11/2022 04:11

Id take the one down where friend 2 is in the background, and tell her DH there are no longer any on there of his wife, and leave it at that. She can’t dictate that photos of an event she didn’t enjoy don’t go on social media at all, that’s ridiculous, she should come off social media if she’s that easily upset.

Januarcelebration · 15/11/2022 04:12

ACollectionofCells · 15/11/2022 04:06

@Januarcelebration I don't like saying it because I love her and value her friendship but yes she can be a bit like that. I do feel sorry for her for what happened at the wedding though, I think she felt very ostracised.

But was she ostracised because of her own behaviour?

If everything has to be about her, did she start getting shitty towards the bride because she didn’t like it not being about her?

Maybe they weren’t as awful as she perceives? But as she likes to make things about her, she caused more of a fuss on the day to make sure people knew how sad she was. Making it about her again.

oopsfellover · 15/11/2022 04:26

As they’re not of her, and you’ve been asked to take them down so that she isn’t reminded of the occasion, I’d just hide them from her and her husband.

Redglitter · 15/11/2022 06:23

If she's not in them then I'd leave them up. I presumed it was photos of her. If it's just of the wedding that's totally different

PurBal · 15/11/2022 06:34

I wouldn’t usually post picture of someone else’s event. Especially their wedding. Because I wouldn’t feel it was my event to share. That said, I know everyone is different. If you didn’t post picture of friend 2 I don’t really see it as much of a problem.

PurBal · 15/11/2022 06:37

I did actually feel really guilty about my no SM edict once. I was at a friends hen do and one of the hens took 300 (!) photos she wanted to share. I categorically said no to photos of me. And it meant my friend couldn’t share any group photos. Which sucked for her. But where would it end? There may not have been 100s of me but there were a fair few.

PAFMO · 15/11/2022 06:37

Friend 2 is a Pita and sounds very immature and like she's decided she's always the victim.

Who accepts a bridesmaid role and then leaves early?

Her husband sounds equally obnoxious. He doesn't get to police what photos NOT of his wife go on FB.

Ignore and keep a distance.

TrippinEdBalls · 15/11/2022 06:41

PurBal · 15/11/2022 06:37

I did actually feel really guilty about my no SM edict once. I was at a friends hen do and one of the hens took 300 (!) photos she wanted to share. I categorically said no to photos of me. And it meant my friend couldn’t share any group photos. Which sucked for her. But where would it end? There may not have been 100s of me but there were a fair few.

If you know that others will want to take the photos to share and you don't want to ever be in a photo shared on social media surely the solution is that you step out of at least some of the group photos?

brighterthanthemoon · 15/11/2022 06:42

ACollectionofCells · 15/11/2022 04:02

Sorry, missed out the info that I hadn't put up any of friend two. I have some, but I didn't put these up given I knew she was upset and she is quite particular about photos of her, I didn't get any I thought she'd like. She's in the background in one of them but you can't tell It's her. They were all of bride and groom, groups of other friends, people dancing, me partner and bride etc .. I did put up some of friend 1 but I know her well enough to know she really wouldn't be bothered by them at all, she's just not at all fussy about that kind of thing.

If you haven't put any up of friend 2 then she is being utterly ridiculous. Just say you'll double check and remove any of friend 2.

brighterthanthemoon · 15/11/2022 06:43

PurBal · 15/11/2022 06:37

I did actually feel really guilty about my no SM edict once. I was at a friends hen do and one of the hens took 300 (!) photos she wanted to share. I categorically said no to photos of me. And it meant my friend couldn’t share any group photos. Which sucked for her. But where would it end? There may not have been 100s of me but there were a fair few.

Then the polite thing to do is be in a couple of photos and then get out of the photo!!!

emptythelitterbox · 15/11/2022 06:44

I'd take them down. Nobody cares much about seeing wedding photos.

brighterthanthemoon · 15/11/2022 06:54

Kedece2410 · 15/11/2022 03:50

I'd take them down. You've been specifically asked to. It doesn't matter the reason if someone doesn't want their photos on SM it's unfair to leave them up. Even though she hasn't asked directly the fact her husband has you should take them down.

Shes not even in them

ReallyITV · 15/11/2022 07:02

This is why I can’t be arsed posting anything on social media

JenniferBarkley · 15/11/2022 07:03

Leave them up, friend 1 is probably loving seeing everyone's photos and it's her wedding.

Regardless of what happened, very poor form for a bridesmaid to leave that early especially to see other friends.

ReallyITV · 15/11/2022 07:06

PS you might be closer to friend 2 but I not a good idea to leave a wedding if you’re a bridesmaid for that long. Why on earth make it about her? She should have pushed through for her friend. Will she need to see any of the other BMs again? There must have been a reason they were acting like that. And tbh if friend 2 is the sort of person you’re describing I can see why.

LovedFedAndNoonesDead · 15/11/2022 07:08

When I saw the title of your thread, I thought it was going to be from a bride about guests putting up photos from the day before the ceremony was over (that happened to us despite requesting people wait!)

Anyway, friend 2’s husband is being rather precious, especially if she isn’t directly in photos. It sounds like friend 2 wasn’t happy that friend 1 had other bridesmaids she was equally close (perhaps closer) to as a group and that she felt left out on the day - but, you really need to know what friend 1 meant about friend 2 being unpleasant recently - sounds like it’s more deep rooted than the rest just not pouring her drinks or letting her in to the same room to do her hair and make up on the wedding day (maybe friend 2 expected to be treated more ‘special’ as bridesmaid but found herself one of a bigger group so didn’t get as much attention as she wanted?)

I wouldn’t take the photos down I would ‘hide’ them from friend 2 and her husband and leave them up. I would also, in a few days, go see friend 2 and see if there’s a backstory from the run up to the wedding, did something happen that upset her and changed how she felt about being part of the group of bridesmaids and perhaps led to how the others were with her on the day? If you’re that close a friend she would, hopefully, feel comfortable telling you about anything else that went on!