Sorry, a trivial social media one-WIBU putting up wedding do photos?

[ACollectionofCells]

This scenario involves two friends of mine/one another's.

Friend 1 got married on Saturday. Me and partner attended the evening do.
Friend 2 was a bridesmaid.

We sat with friend 2 once we got there and learned that she wasn't happy. Friend 1 had several other bridesmaids, and a couple of the others who didn't know friend 2 were being snippy with her, rolling their eyes at her, didn't let her get her make up done in the same room as them,didn't pour her a fizz when they got one for a photo, just generally being quite nasty.

Friend 1 (bride) came over to see us when friend 2 was in the loo and said she also wasn't happy, friend 2 had been quite nasty with her recently (it was loud and I didn't get much detail of this unfortunately).

At about 1900 (we got there about 1600 when the evening 'do' started), friend 2 said her and her husband were nipping out for an hour to see husband's friend who lived just down the road and to get some fish and chips.

We left about 2230 and they still weren't back. Before leaving I spoke to friend 1 who wasn't happy with friend 2 for leaving. I apologised that we were also leaving relatively early but I was driving and we were staying at a friends so didn't want to turn up too late (we couldn't find a nearby hotel and too far to feasibly drive home so staying with my family member who lives locally). Friend 1 said she totally understood, It's a long way to come, fair enough but she was very annoyed at friend 2.

I made a point of taking photos at the wedding do, being one of the few sober ones at the night do, and did get some lovely ones.

Friend 2's husband has messaged me and asked me to take them down as it might upset friend 2 who was very upset that day and didn't need reminding. Despite all the above we had a really good time and friend 1 looked gorgeous and happy and I knew she'd be fine with the photos being up on SM (she was/is). Friend 2 doesn't 'do' social media a lot but will sign in now and again (not that it should matter IMO)?

I don't know whether to just take them down, contact friend 2 to see what she thinks, leave them up and say to bog off, or what.

Further info if required-I'm closer to friend 2. More of a trusting, close friendship.
I think she'd probably tell me, but I am not sure-if she had an issue with my photos. I love friend 1 too, but we've just not spent as much one on one time together and our personalities just don't gel quite as much. Ive known both women for about ten years, and the two of them have known each other longer, about 13 years and used to be very very close. I am sad that their friendship has
hit ructions.

There is not a hope in hell I would be taking down pictures because someone who wasn't even there when they were taken got their husband to tell me to. Fuck that shit.

You could hide the pics from them so they can't see them, but that would make them think you had taken them down which would be a big mistake. Better just saying 'no, I won't be doing that' and if they have a gutter problem with it just block the fuckers. People like that, high drama, what kind of friend are they?

Their fight is not your issue, you weren't directly involved with the day and nobody knows the real truth (just their two emotionally charged versions). I would leave the photographs up but just limit the audience of the photographs and exclude friend 2. that way she wont see them (which was her husbands concern). If she ever brings it up then explain her husband asked you to. Friend 1 invited you to share her day and you took lovely photographs so why not share them.

How daft of the husband to pander to his little Princess and try and force you to do anything! You have no reason to have to listen to him, regardless of the friendship. Also, if you were to do this you'd be clearly aligning yourself with Friend2 against Friend1, whether you realised it or not. Stay neutral but do not be dictated to by her husband!

It was just general advice. Obviously I meant the consent of the people in the photo . It's just good manners.

One of the most bonkers, self important posts l think have read!! You have a 'no social media edict' but will happily place yourself in others photos and then expect them to do your bidding with them??

So you think people on MN are so rude/thick they need basic general advice (given it’s not remotely relevant to the OP’s situation) about consent?

Charming.

The easiest thing to do is change the privacy settings to that post/photos so friend and her husband can’t see them. Simple.

I’d reply to him with ‘are you serious?’ and leave the photos up. Don’t even hide it from them because they’ll think you’ve carried out their insane request.

One of the most bonkers, self important posts l think have read!! You have a 'no social media edict' but will happily place yourself in others photos and then expect them to do your bidding with them??

no it isn't. A lot of us don't like to have pictures of us put on SM for a variety of reasons. I don't like it either and if I'm asked to pose for a photo will ask what it's for. If it's SM and there are a billion of us - have at it. 4 or 5 of us, or where we can be clearly recognised? no thank you and I'll step out of it. i am a) not photogenic 2) low-ish self esteem regarding my looks and iii) really hate my hair most days

As others here have said: it is a bit inconsiderate to post pics of people without asking (wedding group and action shots are fair game IMO) but outside of that you can't demand people take them down.

It is bonkers to put yourself in tbt middle of hundreds of photos (as per that post) and then ban their use.

asking beforehand is fine, being front and centre and then announcing your edict isn’t

but often you don't know people have taken a load of photos until you see them or they say "ok posting these billion pics on insta". It is rude and inconsiderate.

Take down photos of friend 2 … leave the others up

It’s fairly likely if people are taking pictures they’re going to end up on social media. Not many people are pritt sticking photos in their scrap books these days.

It sounds that there is an issue between the two women that was rumbling along before the wedding day, that is nothing to do with you.

I would continue doing what you're doing, and behave as though it is none of your business, because it isn't. It isn't reasonable to him to request that you remove the photos, it is manipulative.

Is husband going to ask that everyone removes photos of, say, the London Eye because it reminds her of a difficult day where she lost her purse and upsets her? It is juvenile, give it no further energy, and let them work it out between themselves.

As for one of the bridesmaids leaving the wedding at 7pm to go and spend time with husband's friends and eat fish and chips, yes it's rude, and it's giving me the feeling that a lot of this drama is being driven by him.

Speak to Friend 2 directly, not via her henchman husband, calmly and reasonably to see if you can move forward. If she is genuinely looking to you for some kind of declaration of who's side you are on via your social media, then she's lost the plot and you're better off without her. I've a feeling her DH is stirring the shit.

Yes which is why I also posted apologising for missing that & saying I'd leave the photos up

Thank you all. I've not abandoned my thread,just been busy.
I'll reply to other posts later but to clarify a few things

I didn't tag friend two in the photo but you could only see the back of her head in the background,I doubt I'd have known it was her in that one photo had I not been there.

I knew 100% friend 1 wouldn't be bothered about any photos and shes commented on some of the photos saying thanks for taking them, she likes them etc so nothing wrong in that respect.

I've not removed them. I've spoken to friend 2 whos said the two of them have fallen out now properly. I didn't mention the photos though and neither did she. I don't think she knows her husband msgd me, and I don't want to cause ructions for them two.

I wasn't at the main wedding no, but neither was anyone other than the bridal party and apparently friend 1 wanted a very simple quiet registry office affair but felt compelled to have a do because of so many people wanting to be included. It happens I guess!

I'll return to the thread later, thank you for so many helpful responses. I know it's a small issue but I had no idea how to navigate it!

It's not up to you to 'put up' photos of your friend's wedding. Presumably she had a professional photographer and she can do that if she wants.

It all sounds very complicated. Why would someone leave such an occasion to buy fish and chips, surely food was provided.

This

But there aren't any photos of friend 2?

Honestly I think I'd need more detail as to why friend 2 thinks asking you to remove them is warranted before I do it.

People get batshit at weddings. For all you know F2 was a nightmare for the bride and deserved to be shunned. Or F1 could have been a cow of a bride expecting above and beyond from F2.

I didn't mention the photos though and neither did she. I don't think she knows her husband msgd me, and I don't want to cause ructions for them two.

There’s something very off about him messaging you the way he did. Because it might upset his wife.

Is he a bit of a shit-stirrer or do you think he was just trying to pre-empt earache from her if she’s a bit of a drama llama?

i would delete any photos that have her in them and then repost them after photoshopping her face out and replacing it with something that amuses you.

But she isn't in any of the photos

Nothing needs photoshopping.

She doesn't need consent to put up photographs she has taken.
She certainly doesn't need consent from someone who isn't even in the photographs!

Especially when it's something like a hen do, for SOMEONE else!!