To feel sad that children in poverty may believe it’s their fault at Xmas?

[Amigoingmadslowly]

I am always emotional about strange things. I find so many sad things going on in this shitty world that it’s hard to see the good. Today I found myself tearful (not for the first time) at the thought that there may be children that get no Xmas presents because their parents can’t afford them. That’s sad but do these children believe it is because they have been naughty and Santa has brought them nothing? Could there be more done to make sure that doesn’t happen? This was on the back of a discussion about how many presents kids get and whether Santa brings all or parents give all and Santa gives one. Clearly there is no ‘normal’ way to do that. But at least these children are getting gifts!

There are some wonderful charities that provide Christmas gifts for children living in poverty - we have a local one, but some big charities do it too I think.

My parents were pretty poor and dad was strict about not "spoiling us" we mostly just got small cheap things for Christmas and oranges in a stocking. I was told you get absolutely nothing if you're naughty so if a kid is getting nothing at all there's probably more going on in that family then just poverty because you can get toys out a charity shop for 50p. When kids get to the age they want expensive gifts they've usually stopped believing in Santa anyway

Well the Dunelm Christmas tree gift tag thing has a limit of £10 and I saw that there was a 12-year-old child that wanted something, all it said was something suitable so I’ve got to be honest I did not stick to the ten pounds limit at all and got him something half decent hopefully other people will do the same

I grew up poor. So when I got a poundshop knockoff barbie when I really wanted a real one I did feel it. It was also how I figured out early on who Santa really was because I knew I was a really good kid wheras Mary* was a proper little shit and she got the massive Sindy house that was bigger than her, and about 5 real barbies.

Though we could afford to go a bit nuts with gifts, we never did. DS is allowed to ask for a main gift, a smaller one, and a surprise. He also gets a stocking.

I run a fundraiser for the local homeless organisation and I donate as much as I can to families in Direct Provision. It feels like a drop in the ocean though.

I taught a gentle, sweet-natured 4yo girl once whose mother was a heroin addict and father in prison. They weren't the only family in extreme poverty in that class, but their life was hard in every respect. That little girl told me that she must not be a very good girl, because Santa hadn't bought her the doll she'd asked for. It was her acceptance that broke my heart, she was utterly matter-of-fact about it. I've never forgotten it. I wished I could have gone and bought it for her.

I don't agree with linking Santa to a child's behaviour. In my opinion it's just part of the magic of Christmas and children shouldn't be told he visits if they are well behaved. These kids are really young (to still believe) so it just feels a bit unnecessary. I also don't put huge amount in the stocking just a few nice gifts some chocolate etc.

We've always told dc that mummy and daddy get the big gifts and Santa leaves the stocking, small things. This then opens up the conversation about it being difficult for a lot of people this year financially and to not expect as much from parents. I have donated to a 'secret Santa' through action for children.

This is much more to do with parenting and what adults say to their dc than the mount anyone has to spend on present.
We had very little money when mine were small and my dc all got things wrapped up for Christmas and had no idea about the value of them, where they came from or what other dc had. We bought from Charity shops, Christmas fairs etc, and we wrapped up things they were needing replacing anyway - from swimming trunks to hair brushes. None of them ever felt deprived. All were excited on Christmas morning to open their stocking and then other presents.

Separately I think it is shocking that there are so many people living in poverty in the UK in the 21st century. But I am much more concerned about dc not having shoes and families having to access food banks than I am about what Father Christmas might or might not bring.

Most children who are living in poor households know full well that there’s no money spare that’s that, and that Santa has got nothing to do with anything.

I think there’s plenty to pity there without dragging in a question of whether they think they’ve been naughty.

That seems quite mawkish of you, especially teamed with your comment, “I am always emotional about strange things”.

Could there be more done? Google will help you - providing presents at Xmas is a very common charity drive. I just typed “Christmas
present charity Newcastle” in - lots of schemes. I’m sure you can do the same for your twin.

You can't make other people feel guilty ,because of how this might make other children they don't know feel ,there are charities that provide gifts for children living in poverty I have been offered vouchers for both my kids and a Xmas hamper ,because my youngest son is disabled ,there are all kinds of schemes and charities trying to he!p families

You can get plenty of toys for nothing if money is all you lack. Any child that receives nothing comes from a family with problems greater than poverty (unless of course they come from a country that doesn't celebrate Christmas).

I'm with you OP. I know there are charities that provide toys for children but it's usually decent parents who access those charities.

arsehole (for whatever reason) parents, wouldn't bother asking a charity for gifts - and yes it's heartbreaking when a child genuinely believes that she didn't get a gift because she hadn't been good enough

@TheYearOfSmallThings I completely agree, some years I had essentials wrapped up or second hand/free things, there's usually a way to sort something, even if it's homemade. I make sure dd knows she's lucky and we donate a toy she chooses at the shop and discuss how FC needs some help sometimes. I'm not going to stop doing FC for her, the magic is real for her and not doing it won't help children who don't get presents.

I'm sure there's lots of people trying to declutter old toys to make room for new and putting stuff on freecycle.

As much as some people say there are charities that will help. There are and always will be families that slip through the cracks.
parents too proud to accept the help
too scared to say they need help in case their children get taken away
appear to be ok but really aren’t

it is sad

Look at supermarkets, toy shops and hospitals in your area. Most have toy donation schemes to make sure the kids they work with get at least one present. My DH is really passionate about this and collects toys all year to donate to Toys on the Table which is a local initiative that works with Social Services.

My mum when I was very young used to hide one of my toys a few months before Christmas - all given by neighbours - and then wrap it up for Xmas. I still believed in santa.

I don't really understand this, where and how?

On social media I saw some pics from the Dunelm Christmas tree appeal and some of the photos were heartbreaking- one child asked for a packet of biscuits for Christmas 😭

I went to dunelm at the weekend and nearly broke down into full on sobs and I'm not a cryer generally. There were several tags asking for a hat and scarf to keep warm. I just wanted to give every kid a hug and take them to the shop for a full winter wardrobe each.

cash for kids collect presents or (even better) money to buy suitable gifts. I think lots of toys for little kids get donated in collections but they’re usually short of things suitable for teenage boys.

I'm poor and both my DC will be getting a couple of small things each at Christmas.
They've picked up about Father Christmas from school, but neither child has any sense of not getting presents because they have been 'bad', but that's because I don't try to emotionally blackmail them with FC.
They know I don't have much money that FC delivers what parents can afford.
🤷

@MistyRock

Whenever it's known a family is struggling, getting a collection of good quality second hand gifts is the easy part. There's plenty of orgs that donate new toys and hampers too - but it's the other 364 days they will struggle

Who on earth is teaching children that if they get nothing at Christmas that they are responsible?
I think children will appreciate even the smallest things wrapped up - think of the old Christmases that came with a stocking filled with a tangerine and a few bits and pieces. I was trawling round charity shops today and was impressed how virtually new toys were in there for a pound or two. Sadly we are raising children's expectations to have the latest gadget and the whole content of the Argos catalogue!
Several charities have new gifts donated to distribute at Christmas (I believe the Salvation Army is one).
It's really the backlash of making Christmas a shopping festival driven by retail mania rather than enjoying the real meaning behind it.

@PeekAtYou

Whilst I don't want to downplay the child's situation, children when asked do come out with strange requests, my dd asked for marshmallow's and a tennis ball aged 4 / she had loads of balls!