To feel sad that children in poverty may believe it’s their fault at Xmas?

[Amigoingmadslowly]

I am always emotional about strange things. I find so many sad things going on in this shitty world that it’s hard to see the good. Today I found myself tearful (not for the first time) at the thought that there may be children that get no Xmas presents because their parents can’t afford them. That’s sad but do these children believe it is because they have been naughty and Santa has brought them nothing? Could there be more done to make sure that doesn’t happen? This was on the back of a discussion about how many presents kids get and whether Santa brings all or parents give all and Santa gives one. Clearly there is no ‘normal’ way to do that. But at least these children are getting gifts!

I used to work with some extreme situations with housing and there was plenty of children waking up on Christmas day with parents either not there or passed out on whatever, along with who ever was invited to party in the house that night. Those parents weren't accessing charities for their children and the small ones absolutely did believe it was because they were bad. It's everywhere telling them santa only comes if you are good. What are they supposed to think. The older children just believe they generally don't deserve anything in life. They carry this through to adulthood.
It is a damaging narrative for very young children in extreme poverty with disfunctional families. Just one more way to make them feel excluded and worthless.

People can buy what they like, I just don't understand why it all needs to be from FC not the parents. If children go to school saying that FC got them a games console or a brand new bike then that can make other children wonder what they have done wrong.

Heart breaking to think of all the children who slip through the net and believe they are naughty and that’s why Santa didn’t come 😔

Christmas is definitely going to be a tight one for us, I can’t imagine how other parents feel

RTE say on national television on Christmas eve. "Have you been good this year so santa can bring your lresents" and that creepy elf thing is monitoring good behaviour to reward with presents. Time to cut the link.

Exactly, but as evidenced on this thread some parents just don’t give a shit about others!

It’s completely different to going on holiday which can be explained in an age appropriate way that it’s because of a lack of funds, not because of the behaviour as a child.

My DC get their stocking and "main" present from Santa but we don't follow the traditional naughty/nice thing. We've talked about how there arent really naughty kids, just kids that sometimes do naughty things and Santa understands that. I've also sort of told them that Santa checks with us as parents that the present is okay/appropriate for them so I could explain if something was too expensive why they didn't get it.

I do think sometimes adults overthink the Santa thing. I grew up pretty poor. Never got anything on my Santa list but was always super grateful and never thought twice about my friends who got everything they asked for. It's just how it was.

As part of a Christmas advent calendar we do daily activities one of which is buying some items for the local toy bank. They have a wish list on Amazon so we pick a few little things from that to donate. And then do a food bank one too!

I get emotional about things like this but as an ex foster carer I worry throughout the year that there are kids being abused/neglected etc who think its their fault.

If a parent is poor it doesn’t mean that the children will have a rubbish Christmas it’s probably the opposite- the child as long as they have a loving parent will have the best day ever with what ever they have and appreciate it too. The gift of love and patience 365 days a year is a thousand fold better than a room full of gifts with a parent who isnt enjoying their kids

Most kids are over indulged at Christmas so 50 presents to them could equal one to a child in poverty.

Christmas makes us extra emotional but it should be the other 364 we also need to get emotional about

Please do tell which culture this tradition comes from? It’s not just about whether you are short of money, it’s the fact your children will tell other children what they got from Father Christmas. How do you explain the fact that most other children get far less? Do you just tell your kids they’re better behaved than the rest?

@YaWeeFurryBastard Sneer at me all you like, this has been the tradition in our family for 3 generations. When we choose a toy to donate each year we talk about how sometimes Father Christmas can't quite get around to everyone and so he needs a bit of help, being naughty or nice doesn't come into it. Most children don't get far less than her anyway, she is fortunate of course, but there are many who buy and spend far more than we do for their children.

Most children don't get far less than her anyway, she is fortunate of course, but there are many who buy and spend far more than we do for their children.
I think @YaWeeFurryBastard meant that most children get far less from FC. How do you explain why many other children would get just the stocking from FC?

I wouldn't explain anything as I've never seen a child compare who gave what, ever. I work with children and I've seen gifts compared but not the giver. If it did come up I'd just explain that Father Christmas and his magic is different for different people.

Wow. Just wow. I can’t believe the attitude of a few people on this thread.

It’s not just about your dc though.
When your dc tell friends at school that FC brought all their amazing presents then other dc may wonder why they were not given equally good presents.
Far better to explain that families give the gifts and FC delivers them.

@PrincessArora Because Father Christmas brings my child a stocking AND a present?

@Whiskyvodka You could say the same about any gifts. Dd gets one main present from FC and a stocking. She gets less than a lot of her friends. Should those parents buy less so mine doesn't feel hard done by? I disagree with the delivery man story, but wouldn't try and stop others doing it that way if they choose.

@RobinRobinMouse You do what you think is best. Have a lovely Christmas.

@RobinRobinMouse Do her friends who get more than her get it from FC or their parents? If presents are from parents then it's much easier to explain why some children get more than if they are from FC.

I can assure you thats kids in poverty (I was one) are much more streetwise than this and know full well there is no santa.
I remember knowing that santa, the tooth fairy et al did not exist.
Its generally the well off that have children who believe in santa when they are 10 years old.

A mix of both. Most definitely get more than one main under the tree gift. Dd doesntbget any from us, just that. As I say, I'm unlikely to need to explain that at all as children sometimes excitedly compare what they've got but not who it was from anyway. I've only ever heard the delivery man thing and parents getting the credit on here, elsewhere it seems completely normal for children to get presents from FC. That's why they write him a letter and sit on his knee telling him what they'd really really like.

I meant to add I knew they didn't exist by the time I was 4, one of my earliest memories.

Nope. You only have to read some threads on here to know 'being hood or Santa won't bring you anything' is still alive & kicking!!!

I think a lot of people are being a bit unrealistic here.
Children of an age to believe in Father Christmas, don't compare with their friends what they got and, if they happen to mention they got whatever the 'big toy' is this year, none of their peers asks who it is from.
@RobinRobinMouse is right. Families are different and have different traditions and that has nothing to do with some children getting more or less.

@UsingChangeofName DS has always linked presents to who gave them to him, I didn't realise that was unusual? He'd say X from by mum, Y from my nan and grandad..

This is why I hate it when some people insist on giving the children plies of stuff from Santa, I have a frend who are primary teachers and they break there heart every year on the first day back after Christmas, some just have got so much and some have hardly got anything. If all families would just stick to the one present from Santa rule it would be so much fairer. And let’s face it the big man only has enough room on that magic sleigh for one present per child if he is to get wright round the world in one night !!

so please give your child one thing from Santa , and the rest from you and your family and friends.
i

Regardless of whose bringing the gifts some children will.has a pile of presents and other kids will have non it's sad but that's the way it is.