To feel sad that children in poverty may believe it’s their fault at Xmas?

[Amigoingmadslowly]

I am always emotional about strange things. I find so many sad things going on in this shitty world that it’s hard to see the good. Today I found myself tearful (not for the first time) at the thought that there may be children that get no Xmas presents because their parents can’t afford them. That’s sad but do these children believe it is because they have been naughty and Santa has brought them nothing? Could there be more done to make sure that doesn’t happen? This was on the back of a discussion about how many presents kids get and whether Santa brings all or parents give all and Santa gives one. Clearly there is no ‘normal’ way to do that. But at least these children are getting gifts!

I hate this whole Christmas gifts linked to behaviour thing. We've never done it. Just horrible. Especially since I'm sure any 'naughty' behaviour is dealt with at the time and done and dusted.

This is why I hate it when some people insist on giving the children plies of stuff from Santa
Totally agree! We've only ever given stockings 'from santa' - everything else is from their family and friends. Otherwise how do people explain the tags on the gifts, and thank people?

DS got worried over this - some kid in school told him that the security sensors in the living room were a Santa Cam and his nervousness increased when DH came home with the bloody elf on the shelf as well. As well as Santas robin also looking in the windows, it freaked him out.

So our workaround was that parents can choose to opt out of all sorts of spy systems, which we had done as we like our privacy. And that in order to go on Santa's naughty list a child would have to be deliberately cruel to another child or an animal. Accidents and mistakes don't count, such as dropping the cat. And since we knew of no kid that naughty safe to say it's rare that a kid goes on the naughty list. Ordinary misbehaviour doesn't count.

We've never linked Christmas presents to day to day behaviour.

I don't think we should start telling parents how many presents they can give from Santa, although I do understand the reasoning behind those who think we should.
But I'm really glad I came across this thread as I had no idea about the Dunelm tree appeal, so I'll be going into my local one Saturday with DD so she can choose who to buy for. Such a great idea.

All the presents dh and I buy for our kids -main present, extras, and stocking - are from Santa. Presents from family and friends go under the tree and are from family and friends. It's what my whole family have always done. Never linked to good behaviour. I remember being painfully aware of how little I got compared to others as a teenager - when Santa was a thing of the past. But not as a child. I just remember the feeling of magic from Christmas mornings then. Agree Santa shouldn't be linked to behaviour, but not that everyone should only have one present from Santa. Some children will still get more than others, it doesn't solve that problem.

That’s sad but do these children believe it is because they have been naughty and Santa has brought them nothing?

You are not wrong. This is one of several reasons I have never subscribed to this 'naughty or nice' rubbish when bringing up children. It used to make me very annoyed when they brought it up at school.

Slight tangent, but I know some have mentioned Dunelm Tree Appeal, Cash for Kids, and other ways to give to Children who might be more in needs. I found out today that our local Children's Hospice have an Amazon Wishlist which might be something some people might want to look at - or, of course a Hospice closer to where you live.

People do know that you don’t have to do things the way you have always done them, right? You can think about how you have done them, see how it might be harmful to others or even your own children in the future, and then start doing it differently. That’s allowed. You can even start new, better, traditions.

www.hartlepoolgivingtree.co.uk

Anyone wishing to donate to a needy child/adult can also donate online via the Hartlepool giving tree (just in case someone wants to donate but don’t have a Dunelm close by) 🙂

So ive donated but the toys on the site are at least 25% more than Amazon. I do wish theyd shop around a bit for decent deals or the shops involved would forgo a bit of margin

Naughty or nice is not a message that anyone should be reinforcing with any child. Behaving for Santa is just creepy and has consequences like what op describes

in terms of gifts themselves, we donate every year. It’s not the same as a parent choosing the perfect gift for their individual child though. I try to send things that I am also giving my own child. That way at least I know it’s something I think is quality, I’m hitting older ages now which are often overlooked, and maybe the child who gets the gift will have similar interests.