Have you ever regretted visiting dying parents

[SlippingIntoTheTwilightZone]

Just that, really. I haven't been able to visit them for five years (they live in another country, and I am going through a serious health crisis preventing travel). They are in their late 90s and very frail. Doubly incontinent and all the other joys that come with extreme old age. Sleeping most of the time, according to their carers. Only able to eat soup. They have been the most wonderful parents anyone could ask for and the last time I saw them they were active and engaged. I'm just wondering if I should be happy that this is how I will remember them instead of being witness to the indignities of this final stage of their lives.

Sorry I haven’t read the whole thread, but if you can, go for them as lots have said but also for your sibling. That’s a lot to carry on your own.

My FIL passed away in September. My DP hadn’t been to visit him in hospital as he didn’t want to remember him at his worst if he were to pass away. Hospital asked us to visit one day (turns out they wanted to tell us he was on deaths door). They said he was comfortable and sleeping. I had DP come with me and MIL and it was horrific. He was not sleeping and calm like they said he was. He was confused, disorientated, had no idea what was going on, couldn’t catch his breath. Clearly in pain. It was horrific. DP is traumatised by it.
Each to their own but I wish he had not gone and so does he.

@Hungrycaterpillarsmummy They have care workers every day and a visiting nurse once a week. There is a shortage of care workers where they live so overnight stays aren't an option. They would have to go into a home for that.

@LittleCaramelPie I'm so sorry. That is horrific.

@Aussiegirl123456 I'm so sorry. I'm sure your Mum knew.

I've just spent a month with my dad in hospital after a stroke and then subsequently palliative care for 11 days. It was totally awful to watch him slowly die, but also I'm so pleased I was able to be there with him and my mum, talk to him, hold his hand etc (even if I didn't know if he knew I was there a lot of the time). It was really hard seeing him look so different, and gradually fade away, but I'm really pleased I did it. I remember him like that (it was only a couple of weeks ago he died), but I also remember him how he was before. He'd had dementia and had been slowly changing over the last few years. I remember him both in the earlier and later stages of that, what he was like in hospital, and also what he was like when he was well and thriving and as an active younger man. I would go if at all possible. But everyone is different. My siblings found out much harder to see my dad like that. Only you know what's right for you.