'It's more expensive for us because there are two of us'

[Vlent]

I am single and live alone. I am fed up of being told that couples' lives are more expensive because there are two of them.

For clarity, in all of these examples both halves of the couple are working full time and they live together.

A couple of recent examples:

My friend lives with her girlfriend and we often have drinks in one of our houses at the weekend. We had arranged to go for a drink in the city one Saturday, and at the last minute she suggested I just go to her house instead. I said I was looking forward to going out with her for a change, and was told it was too expensive for her because there are 'two of them' and so it would cost twice than what it did for me.

To be clear, if she couldn't afford it I would of course go to her house instead, and I did so, but it's the absolute lack of logic that annoys me, and she says it quite frequently - ie. 'It's okay for you to go out, Vlent, but it will cost DG and I £100 (or whatever) because there are two of us'.

I was discussing a holiday destination with another friend because another friend wants to visit there. I said it was cheap once you got there. DF said 'I thought it was quite expensive but then there are two of us'.

Another friend lives abroad in Europe, and I've visited her several times, but I don't enjoy the place, I visit to see her. She has just invited me to visit in the New Year. I said I didn't think I could, and why didn't she try and visit where I live (which is also her home town). I was told it would be better for me to visit her, because her husband would want to come here, and it would be too expensive 'for the two of them'.

It's really beginning to annoy me. Yes, there are two of you, and so each of you carry a cost, but you're also getting two incomes into your home and halving the bills, whereas I'm paying all of my bills from a single income. It is not more expensive for them to do these things than it is for me.

Another couple this weekend were acting as one in a round of drinks too - there were five of us and I bought a round, Fred bought a round, Sarah bought a round and then James and Jess bought one between them and then back to me, and so Fred, Sarah and I were buying other people four drinks each on our round, and the James and Jess bought other people three drinks between them.

AIBU?

Your friends are talking absolute nonsense, and you need to think of polite ish sounding way to call it out every time. Just say, sorry, how does that work…you each have individual income and costs as I do, but also lower cost baseline expenses/bills etc. Not to mention that when you stay in a hotel a single person has to pay the same price as a couple for a room, so it’s essentially twice the price for you as for either of them. Grr. I hear you OP!

This is the most ridiculous post on here. The incomes are irrelevant. The holiday doesn’t cost more or less based on income .

Can’t believe you are saying a £600 per person holiday for a couple is worse than a single person laying £1020 😂

Its two people experiencing something, of course the total of that should cost more. The cost per person is considerably less though.

YANBU I am part of a couple but I can definitely see how living alone is more expensive. Even going on holiday whilst the actual full amount is more for a couple when DH used to holiday alone he often had to pay a premium for his room and there was no option of a single room. Yes I get it from the hotel/company’s pov but it’s still an extra cost.

Food definitely works out more expensive per person. I wince seeing the larger bags of the sort of foods which date quickly and I always think it must be even worse for single people when there’s no option to just buy what you need.

If you think literally then yes they would pay more but I don’t see why your friend can’t go on holiday occasionally minus her husband.

I think they are just being a nob. Perhaps they want to "partner drop" as in "name drop" cos they're a bit sad. I had a friend recently who I was arranging meet up with and they were on about bringing their fairly new boyfriend who they had moved in with pretty much straight away, whereas I was on about a mini girls night. This is also someone i hadn't seen for a while so were due a catch-up. They were making it sound like an imposition that they would have leave him at home, but he wouldn't mind. Well no, why would he?! I can't stand people being odd. I'm a bit of a sensible, black and white person.

YANBU - god, that is so annoying. It’s so much more expensive to be single.

I think the only situation where couples might legitimately feel single people are getting a better deal is if you are self catering and you need one room for each couple and one for each single person if they won’t share or there is only one. Even then, you tend to get better general facilities, the bigger the house is and splitting the bill by room would seem more unfair than by person.

This is so weird of her! If a single friend visits my dh and myself I sometimes just buy their meal because it looks weird divvying up by 3 and asking her for 1/3. Your friend is so weird 😂

That depends entirely on what the incomes are. Obviously a single person earning £85K has a better income than a couple who each earn, say, £20K.

Daft example - countered by a single person earning 20k versus a couple each earning 85k.
If it's a single person earning 80k versus a couple each earning 40k, the latter are better off because they'll each have their tax free band whereas the singleton will just have the one and be liable for a fair bit of higher rate tax.

YANBU OP.

@DameHelena you are confounding two variables. If you want to compare couples with single people you can only fairly do so on the basis that individual incomes are equal. This made me laugh though:

A single room at £100 a night + supplement of £10 a night

Every hotel I've booked recently only had a room rate, so a 100% single supplement.

The couple counting themselves as one when doing drink rounds is such a joke! Maybe just get them one drink to share then if they are just one person 😂

Even then, you tend to get better general facilities, the bigger the house is and splitting the bill by room would seem more unfair than by person.

As the single person, it is quite funny to agree to split the cost per room but have a "draw lots" way of allocating rooms. Couples (particularly those with small children who need a cot in their bedroom) tend to backtrack quite rapidly when faced with risking the tiniest (often a single or 3/4 bed) room in the house!

My ex is Irish and l always used to give him money when we went to stay with his folks so he could go to the bar but his dad said more than once to me isn't it your round? Felt a bit embarrassed because l had paid my way and we were doing fair rounds just looked like he was paying all the time. Still bothers me all these years later!

It's so much more expensive to be single. Christmas is a nightmare. For example, I buy my brother, my sister in law and their children each a present. So four presents, that add up to quite a bit even if I only spend a small amount on each one. In return they get me an equally small gift but give it to me from all four of them. Multiple this across other family members and friends and I end up buying say twenty gifts and receiving five. This year I'm telling them all I can't afford to buy any gifts at all.

As others have said, the income is irrelevant, it could just as easily be the couple earning £85k and the single earning £35k. The cost per person is nearly half for two people sharing than what a single person taking an identical holiday would pay. I don't think this calculation proves what you want it to prove.

Joint rounds is shocking and needs nipping in the bud – you could always try buying them one drink with two glasses when it's your turn. They can share it...

YANBU. I had a friend like this. She earned about 3x what I did but pointed out that it was unfair that I got free train travel (I worked for a rail company) and that I got the council tax discount as I was single.

The council tax worked out at the grand total of £20 per month. My train travel wasn’t all free either; it was free on the services of the company I worked for, I got a pass to get to/from work (separate company) and 75% discount elsewhere. I appreciate that’s a lot, but I couldn’t use it to/from work as I did shifts and the only time I really used my 75% was to visit her!

You need to highlight your friends total stupidity to them so they are aware what nonsense they are talking.

It may be that a simple example will be a better illustration for the dimwits - the ones in the drinking round should be bought one drink and given 2 straws.

Bizarre it's pretty much always more expensive as a single person then not. The only thing where people may have more is when they live in a house share as they pay per room or split x number of ways!

We always split holidays per person rather then per room because of this when a group with self catering accommodation so it doesn't cost double just because they aren't in a couple!

Sorry, didn't RTFT..

Why is everyone assuming single people earn more than a couple combined? Makes no sense.

Yes everyone earns different incomes but it's highly likely a couple would earn more than a single. If they earn they same gross income as a single person, a couple receives more cash after tax as they have two tax free thresholds.

The discussion was around costs. Assuming the same income, costs for couples are not double the cost for singles.

Assuming the same income, costs for couples are not double the cost for singles.

Even if they all earn differently, the cost is the not more (per person) than a single person. For general living expenses, cost for a single person is way more than half of the cost for a couple.

I think people get into a muddle because £100 for a meal out (for two people) feels more than £50 (for one person). It is irrational though.

I look at the cost of a holiday for us as a family of 4 and get sticker shock, still, even though DS is 10, because I remember when I just paid for my own holiday. So there may be an element of "well, I can afford £1500 but £3000 wow" but that's easily solved by giving their head a wobble.

We actually went for drinks with our friend and I said to her do you want to put 20 in the kitty and wel put 40 in and she said "oh my god yous are the only people who ever do that, I always have to go halfers on bills with my other couple friends" I was shocked and thought thats out of order. No you aren't being unreasonable. We defo as a couple have more money than her.

Every time someone says oh it's twice as expensive I'd be replying good job you earn two wages, good job you're only paying half the rent etc.

Single person supplement on accommodation for holiday, full rent and 25% discount on council tax. It isn't hard is it.

i used to be able to afford way more when I lived alone just me and my son (in all scenarios-just on benefits, just working part time, just as a student-and then working part time/student and just working full time) . Now I live with someone and his child so 4 of us we can afford a lot less.
not that it makes it ok for them expect you to fork out for it all over them.

we don’t do things if we can’t afford it and we usually say we can’t afford it being 2 of us and will offer an alternative, sometimes I’ll just say to my partner you just go or vice versa depending on what the activity is or when it is or who it’s with. But we also live very differently to how I did when I lived alone.
I couldnt save money as I lived to my means but we did not go without (living alone) . Now we save and live abit more frugal in other areas and are able to still do some things but not everything, I say no more than I used to.

for comparison when my partner lived alone before we moved in together (without child) he struggled to make ends meet.

i don’t think your are being unreasonable but I don’t think your friends are either (although the drinks rounds thing is unreasonable)