To not want my personal financial affairs to be pored over by randoms?

[MxGrinch]

i am looking into getting DC into a private school as he is way too clever for his state school.

I knew of one in the next county and discovered they had academic scholarships for Yr9 entry. Had to register with them (non returnable £100 fee! we are a low income family) and arrange for DC to take the entrance test and scholarship assessments which he’ll be doing next month.

I’m obviously nowhere near as clever as DS as I thought a scholarship meant the fees would be paid! It seems they are only 10-20% paid so we will need to apply for a bursary.

I was sent the application form last week and need to return it tomorrow.

They want so much personal information such as 3 months bank statements, full income and expenditures, children’s income and expenditure. debts, car reg and value etc.it’s really flipping complicated and will take ages.

I know they need to assess whether we can afford the fees but seeing as there is no guarantee DC will even pass the entrance test, this is not information I want to share at this point as it may not go any further.

Theg have said if we don’t return it by tomorrow DC may not get a bursary at all.

AIBU to not want to give loads of private info until DS is actually offered a place?

Are you kidding me. My niece had an IQ of 154 at age 7 and that dropped to 110 by age 16. She was very advanced (learned to read by age 4, for example) and the school did not set an appropriate program for her although she was accelerated two times. She was bored, lost interest in school and just scraped through A levels.

IQ can change with so many variables, not least which IQ test you set a person, but the most volatility is in childhood to adolescence.

There is no such thing as "an IQ" it's simply how a person performed on one test in one day.

On the “will they know” point the little darling showing me around the local prep school was telling me about his dad’s McLaren and Rolexes. That’s me, the adult, who he’d met fifteen minutes earlier.

The idea that children won’t know who’s from a wealthy family and who isn’t really tenable.

Whether it matters or not is another question.

That’s why it is important to choose private schools carefully. There are plenty of rich schools and there are plenty that will attract families who are trying hard to give their children the best education their money can buy, - many of them from different cultures who are by no means holidaying four times a year.

"There is an outstanding school in our area with higher GCSE grades but our disabled DC attended there and he was treated disgracefully, discriminated against and my relationship with the school completely broke down before I had no choice but to remove him. The Head was blatantly trying to bully me to get rid of him so there’s no way I would send DS there! It is also well known for bullying amongst students not being dealt with and older DS suffered that as well."

@MxGrinch
Although 1 of your DC didn't have a good experience at this school, might this be the perfect solution for your 'bright' son?

I loved the school I went to, my older sister hated it and left due to unresolved issues. My parents also fell out with the head because of it. Thankfully they let me stay and I thrived.

It might be time to swallow your pride - particularly if they have a 'gifted' scheme at this school - as most comps do.

I have to say that I’m surprised so many on this thread can’t afford private school as MN posters usually love to brag how they are in the top 1% of high earners.
Maybe that is complete horseshit as I’ve always suspected.

Weirdly my friend who has just moved her kids to private has started talking about money a lot and categorising people in conversation as to how wealthy they are. She never did that before.

That said I spent years being called “posh” at my state comp so you can’t win! Though to be fair it wasn’t malicious. Think I would rather be called “posh” by my peers than looked down on!

TolnfinityAgain how ghastly. I'm sure none of DS's peers would have done that. Well there was one who did but all the other boys really ripped it out of him. I honestly don't think DS or his friends could have cared less. Neither could dd's bf who went to the same school and got bullied for being a nerd.

We were in the middle. Fortunately in London so nobody had a pony.

It was the tipping point for me. I’d been agonizing over the decision, I’d paid the £4,000 non-refundable deposit to secure the space, but suddenly didn’t want my child going there.

If he doesn’t thrive in the school we chose instead then I’ll be happy to revisit the decision in later years.

You’re asking for other people to pay for your child to get a top quality private education, of course they need to check that you genuinely can’t afford it yourself.

I’m spending £20k a year on school fees and I would bloody love it if instead I could just show my bank statements and get a free place.

Maybe show a little gratitude?! The world is full of super-bright children and also full of low income families. You’re being offered a very rare opportunity and you’re moaning about it already, wow.

This is total nonsense, what a ridiculous post. I’ve had children at state school and at private, in the same town, and the teaching at private is infinitely higher standard. The state school teachers were overworked and this made them sarcastic and impatient (sometimes even physically rough with 4 year olds ☹️) and their attention is split in 32 different directions. Plus several of the teachers could not spell basic words.

The private school teachers are relaxed and have time to think about each child, and they are also playful, for example the teacher may randomly come to work in fancy dress when they feel like doing a special lesson. And they are never sarcastic/rough with the children because they know where their salary comes from.

I agree with @Dontaskdontget. The reason mine went to indeoende t schools was because from an early age they received specialist Maths, English, French, Science, History and Geography teaching. Even from year 7 on dc won't necessarily have specialist Maths and Science teaching. It certainly doesn't exist in the UK before 11.

One advantage my dc have is that ehir written English is excellent and grammatically correct. I have many staff, state educated who write I myself and can't use was and were correctly. It's rather shocking.

Maybe one if your better-educated children could explain to you why we have different words for anecdote and data.

A parody post, or just amusingly poorly written?

It. is. the. same. teachers.

Teachers move around between local schools, for promotions, or to go part time, or to specialise, etc. Some teachers may choose to spend their whole career in either state, or private, but many don't. I've moved between state and private, and so have many colleagues.

Class sizes are both far bigger and far smaller in private schools. In the same school, even. The basic class may be smaller, but there seem to be no ratios imposed at all. I've had over 100 children in my charge alone at one time in private, which would never happen in state, and I've also, as a visitor to one of the most expensive and prestigious schools in the country come across a situation where a large number of children where left without any adult supervision what so ever, for hours. These things dont happen in state, we close down year groups first, and send children home

And that is just a silly thing to say about teacher's spelling. How do you know you have spelt a word correctly? Because it's the way you have seen it written. How do teachers see word written? Wrongly, multiple times, year after year after year for decades. Hesitancy over spelling is a well recognised sign of a long term experienced teacher, and they are few and far between

Way too clever for state school

?????

I’m a leading researcher in my field. I went to a big standard comprehensive.

My parents decided I didn’t need the extra help of a bought education and it would be better in all sorts of ways not to be hot housed although they had the finances to pay for it. They invested in other aspects of our education.

YABU. And you can’t afford a private school. It’s not just fees. Spend the money on books and extra- curricular activities.

Private school teachers can be treated worse than state school teachers, in many instances. And can be worked harder sometimes - private schools are profit making enterprises, not for anything else.

And a no teacher should be rough or mean to children, but their basic personality isn't going to change between one job and another.
"They know where their salaries come from" - cuts both ways

On the one hand you say he may not pass
On the other hand he's getting grade 9s in gcse
Surely if he can get a 9 he can pass the entrance exam
Just fill the forms in

They aren't the same teachers TolfinityAgain (trying to work out why your user name says you don't exist when I use the @) I agree, badly written post. Fat fingers on phone and tapping away.

You may like to check your spellings.

Have you looked into grammar schools near you as they are free but you do need to pass an entrance test.

they may accept mid year applications as pupils who started in y7 may have now left so if there isn’t anyone on waiting list able to take up place it may be an option.

the current school should be challenging him with appropriate work and if not then speak to the SENCO as they are for all children not just children of lower ability.

Is it not the same curriculum whether you’re in a private or state school? My privately educated nephews are of similar intelligence to my dd, and she got far better exam results than both of them, at a state school.
That aside, I personally would make the effort to fill in the forms and get all the information together. They have every right to request this information from you, in return for a free place for your child.

They want so much personal information such as 3 months bank statements, full income and expenditures, children’s income and expenditure. debts, car reg and value etc.it’s really flipping complicated and will take ages.

It won’t take nearly as long as it would take to earn the money to pay for fees you want waived. I do feel some sympathy that they are asking for this information so early in the application process. But if that’s what they do, there will be plenty of others who will comply with their request.

Unless you're applying to an ancient foundation with deep pockets, the people funding your child's bursary are ultimately other families. Who may only just be able to afford it, by the skin of their teeth.

But you will never know what your DD might of achieved in private school it may have been better it may have been worse I’ve had people say to me that my daughter didn’t go to university so what a waste her private education was. But I look at her beautiful handwriting and her ability to conversed on numerous subjects the fact that she speaks beautifully knows how to hold a self on how to present all of which will be beneficial to her in the future.

Another private school attendee here, once watched another student eat his sock for £5. Save all that effort and get him a private tutor to cover all these subjects that ‘state school’ is holding him back on :)