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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you get on with your siblings

103 replies

justcurious121 · 13/11/2022 08:48

NC for obvious reasons... my DM frequently laments that me and my sister don't get on. We are very different people - literally chalk and cheese with different opinions on everything. As children I adored her and she really took advantage of that relationship and I learnt to be more independent in my teens. As the years go by, I have grown to realise that I just don't really enjoy spending time with her. So, AIBU to think I shouldn't have to get on with my sibling once we are adults?
Also would be curious to know your sibling relationships in adulthood vs childhood.

YABU - she is your sibling, you should get on.
YANBU - you don't have to get on with people just because they are your sibling.

OP posts:
incognitopurple · 13/11/2022 08:49

No I do not. Pretty much identical situation to you. I wish things were different however she has become quite generally very judgemental and not very kind. It does make me sad.

NCFT0922 · 13/11/2022 08:50

YANBU; you don’t have to get on. I have 3 siblings and we’re all incredibly close thankfully but you shouldn’t be made to feel like you have to spend time with her.

Stickmansmum · 13/11/2022 08:51

You don’t have to get on with her just because you are sisters.

My sis and I are very very different but extremely close. We are close because we both respect each other, not because we are sisters and being different is irrelevant.

Ladybug14 · 13/11/2022 08:51

Absolutely you don't have to like your sibling. You don't have to like anyone!

For me it's easier to pretend to get along just because it makes for a more pleasant life.

Once both our parents have passed, I don't think I'll feel the need to play nice and I will probably start to say what I think on a more regular basis

LondonWolf · 13/11/2022 08:52

Yes. I love her very much but we've had our moments over the years. I went no contact with my whole family for about three years - was necessary and I don't regret it but it seemed to serve as kind of a reset for us all and we seem to be more respectful of each other now and I include myself in that.

Eminybob · 13/11/2022 08:54

Nope. My brother was mean to me as a child and as a 40 something still feels it appropriate to bully and demean me.
Thankfully he lives in a different country so we don't have to spend any time together.

PuttingDownRoots · 13/11/2022 08:55

I'm close to my brother.

DH hasn't seen his in about 4 years and hSnt talked to him for longer than that (the 4 years ago was his grandmothers funeral where they were civil to each other). DH can't forgive how much of an idiot his brother was when younger, and for abandoning his daughter. He's grown up a lot now but DH doesn't trust him.

Darbs76 · 13/11/2022 08:56

My brother and I are like chalk and cheese and until our adult life we didn’t get on much. Even now we aren’t exactly close but I love him and would always help him out.

AnonWeeMouse · 13/11/2022 08:59

Nope.

I've a brother that would make no effort to see his niece, she's 9, he's seen her once when she was a baby. He passed out door every day to go to work but wouldn't make 5 minutes to drop in and say hello, got pissy when I refused to take a bus for an hour to go see him.
Made me realise, he was always that way, it was always everyone running round after him whilst he couldn't be arsed. I won't tolerate those types of relationships now. It's a 2 way street or the street gets blocked and paved over.

Poopoolittlerabbit · 13/11/2022 08:59

I would literally lay down my life for my sister, and I know she feels the same.
We’re very different but close, albeit in different countries now.
been watching that amazing black comedy ‘Bad sisters’ series and joked that our partners wouldn’t stand a chance if they behaved like the husband in that…

CMOTDibbler · 13/11/2022 09:01

Nope, not at all. For years we would see each other once a year if we crossed over at my parents and the odd text/email contact when one parent or another had a health crisis. When my parents died it was a great relief when the house was sold and estate settled and I knew I never needed to speak to him again

LisaD1 · 13/11/2022 09:02

I’ve got 3 siblings. I’m very close to one of my brothers. I’ve not spoken to the other brother in around 6 years and my sister in 4. The family are very disfunctional and toxic, I stay away!

MajorCarolDanvers · 13/11/2022 09:03

I get on ok with one and fabulously with the other.

byvirtue · 13/11/2022 09:04

In a similar situation, no falling out just have nothing in common and have lived on different continents our entire adult lives. I feel far closer and bonded to friends than my sister.

EternalStench · 13/11/2022 09:06

Yes I do. We're all very different but there's a mutual respect between us and we enjoy getting together.

FeedMeTiramisu · 13/11/2022 09:07

2 sisters.
Inseparable from childhood until early adults. Then on and off contact.

Now nc with either.

summergone · 13/11/2022 09:09

My sister and I are very different , she doesn't listen to people at all and I find it so infuriating. My DH asked me once if she wasn't my sister would we be friends , I had a good think and the answer was no which made me feel a bit sad .

SpinningFloppa · 13/11/2022 09:10

No haven’t spoken in 2 years

Ragwort · 13/11/2022 09:13

Not particularly... no bad feelings but we are all very, very different people. We all live miles apart and rarely meet up ... we don't make special plans to meet at Christmas or birthdays for example. My DH is the same with his siblings.

Witchofthedales · 13/11/2022 09:14

No. Same situation as you except there's never been any love lost.

Dacquoise · 13/11/2022 09:16

My siblings and I were set up to not get on by my toxic mother from childhood. My brother was the golden child, could do no wrong, I was the scapegoat, could do no right, and my youngest sister was the baby of the family.

As adults, due to very dysfunctional family dynamics, these roles developed into dismissive, callous brother who could do what he liked to other people with immunity, people pleasing me who couldn't do enough for everyone else to my own detriment and sister who developed serious debt issues but with delusions of grandeur. Each not suitable to sustain relationships with each other. We're all NC and with our parents.

I would love to have the supportive relationships other people have with their siblings. Not going to happen.

Jeanstable · 13/11/2022 09:16

We get on when we see each other but we are like chalk and cheese so we were never going to be close. Fought like cat and dog growing up!

Gumbo · 13/11/2022 09:18

No, my brother is a vile person and I'm relieved that I will never have to see or hear from him again.

I'm always fascinated by the threads I see about wanting another child purely so that they can give their existing DC a sibling...it's safe to say the existing DC may not always be grateful for that. (Caveat: I appreciate that some siblings are close, it's just that I know a surprising amount who aren't or who are NC)

lobsterkiller · 13/11/2022 09:20

We're just not close, they're nice people but with their own lives. I rarely hear from family including my parents.

thecrispfiend · 13/11/2022 09:20

Not really... sister very two faced and never has a kind word to say about anyone. We get on great for a short time and then she says something that triggers me 🤣 no one can push your buttons like a sibling! Thankfully she lives 100 miles away lol. Brother decent enough guy but very little in common. I absolutely adore their kids though, being an auntie is the best 🥰

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