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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you get on with your siblings

103 replies

justcurious121 · 13/11/2022 08:48

NC for obvious reasons... my DM frequently laments that me and my sister don't get on. We are very different people - literally chalk and cheese with different opinions on everything. As children I adored her and she really took advantage of that relationship and I learnt to be more independent in my teens. As the years go by, I have grown to realise that I just don't really enjoy spending time with her. So, AIBU to think I shouldn't have to get on with my sibling once we are adults?
Also would be curious to know your sibling relationships in adulthood vs childhood.

YABU - she is your sibling, you should get on.
YANBU - you don't have to get on with people just because they are your sibling.

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 13/11/2022 09:52

ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts · 13/11/2022 09:27

I have three siblings including two DT.

I’m the eldest and not really close to any of them. We get on ok when we meet up but that’s it. We’re not really involved in each others lives.

The others are close to each other, holidays/days out etc. I’m adopted so I’m not sure if that plays a part in it?

It is what it is though and I don’t bother about it. I know it bothered my late DM though.

That's tough. Were you adopted as in they are yr bio siblings and you grew up separately or as on you were adopted into the family?

Soproudoflionesses · 13/11/2022 09:52

My sister was quite ill as a child and became the favourite because of it . She grew up with a sense of entitlement whilst l was left to my own devices quite a lot of the time. She wasn't always very nice to me either. In fact she was really nasty.
As adults we get on ok but if she wasn't my sister l can't say l would have much to do with her

Ragwort · 13/11/2022 09:52

OnlyFools ... I see what you mean, no I don't think in our case our family was 'distanced' growing up, we were all close to our DGPs and had regular family get togethers with wider members of the family ... we weren't geographically close though so there was no 'popping in' type relationships. Everything would be planned and arranged. I guess it's different if you all grow up and stay in the same locality. But certainly no one was/is NC with anyone else.

autienotnaughty · 13/11/2022 09:53

glamourousindierockandroll · 13/11/2022 09:32

Yes very. Our whole family lives within a square quarter mile, our husbands get on well and pur children are close in age. We whatsapp most days and help eachother out with childcare/lifts. Socialising is mainly with the children these days, but we do try to go out to a bar or get together for a takeaway a couple of times a year, sometimes with our mum as well.

That's lovely. I would love that (if I had a different family!)

WhatHaveIFound · 13/11/2022 09:55

My mum is saddened by the fact that my sister and I barely speak to each other. Contact at the moment is down to email updates (from me) on both parent's health issues. She lives overseas so there aren't many family occasions.

Looking back I can't say we were very close as children (apart from in age) so maybe a good relationship has never been there.

Dacquoise · 13/11/2022 09:57

FleecyBlanketPerson · 13/11/2022 09:32

@Dacquoise very similar situation here.
I am training myself to not think about what could be. NC and their loss.
Instead I'm focused on making sure my own children never go through those shitty dynamics.

It takes a while but having fully grieved not having a wider family I can honestly say I just feel 'meh' about them. Time is a great healer and it's better not to let your own family become infected by the madness.

My brother turned up on my doorstep recently after finally going NC with our mother and I waved him away. He honestly thought we would just pick up after ignoring me for over ten years, siding with my exH when we divorced and other crappy, callous behaviour. Deluded! 😲

encantorerun · 13/11/2022 10:00

You don't have to 'get on' - me and all my siblings are very very different people. 2 of my siblings are constantly arguing and complaining about one another.

But, I don't know - we're siblings. The bond runs deep.

It's a bit of a case of - we can say what we want about each other but anyone else is going to get a smack in the face 😂

hopeishere · 13/11/2022 10:01

Yes. I only have one sister. We are close in age. We drifted a bit when she was married / young mum and I was still single. We live close by and see each other probably every other week and speak most week or message.

DH doesn't really get on with his siblings. They are very damaged from their parents and are all stuck in their childhood roles. He's currently LC with his brother.

Jarofhoney · 13/11/2022 10:15

I'm one of 3. I'm in the middle and I'm extremely close with my older sibling. We phone most days.

My younger sibling, I love her fiercely, but I wouldn't say we are very close. We have a carry on and joke when we see each other, but she wouldn't confide in me. The two of them are unbelievably close though.

My older sibling can be competitive though, by their own admission. I feel sad to know this, as I don't feel this way and hate that they do. So I can see how sibling relationships turn sour.

I must admit, none of it bothers me. You just gel with people differently.

All of my friends get on with their siblings too. Normal annoyances, which we laugh about together, nothing serious.

Cherryblossoms85 · 13/11/2022 10:19

It's a shame you don't, mainly because that's what you will need when your parents die, it's your link to your childhood. But obviously you can't will that relationship into being.

Pineapplestropical · 13/11/2022 10:30

I have 2 brother s who i rarely text but when i see them we get on ok. I know we could akways rely on each other for an emergency. I do feel sad when i look at my own kids I've got 4 daughters who are all very different. One in particular is very bossy and selfish and i wonder if the others will bother to stay in contact with her as adults if she doesn't change her ways.

Coasterfan · 13/11/2022 11:16

I am no contact with my sister, we have nothing in common, she has no interest in my children and over the last couple of years has done some really sly things, I like a drama free life and have just blocked her on everything. We don’t live near each other and we don’t do family events so it’s not had any wider implications.

I get on well with my sister in law and our families spend a fair bit of time together as we have similar age kids and I am really close to my cousin, we are very alike and we should have been sisters!

I don’t agree with family being everything, I have no desire to spend time with people I don’t like, just because we share some DNA, life is way too short.

romany4 · 13/11/2022 11:19

I'm one of six children. I get on with one brother!!
The rest of my siblings are arseholes. I have no relationship with any of them

RobLakessecondwife · 13/11/2022 11:19

I have two sisters. Close growing up but no contact with one and low contact with the other. They just don’t seem interested, through major illness and all sorts they’ve not asked how I am or been around so I can’t be bothered anymore as I have limited resources mentally due to our shit violent upbringing.

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/11/2022 11:21

No. Haven’t seen mine for over 40 years because he’s a nasty bully.

Notimeforaname · 13/11/2022 11:22

YANBU. Haven't spoken to me sister in years. Shes an absolute cunt.

I ran around after her in my childhood because I so desperately wanted her to like me.
She used me when it suited her.

Like you op as I got to my teens I cared less, she would put me down all the time. She hit me twice too as adults.

We spent about 10 years talking on and off. Family blaming me for not keeping a relationship together. Finally about 7 years ago I cut contact for good.

Its sad I only get to see her children when they are at our parents house.
When we are In the same room together we literally just pass each other. We speak to anyone else in the room and dont even make eye contact.

I am so much happier in my life without her.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/11/2022 11:24

Similar situation to OP. I think my sister a narcissist and she hasn't spoken to me in almost six years since I told her to her face she was taking advantage of our Mum for free childcare (while Mum was waiting for a hip replacement).

My opinion hasn't changed since then. She has increased demands on my Mum for free childcare (doesn't even offer petrol money).

At least I don't have to listen to her moaning about her super-stressful and important job (which she desperately wanted), her tiny house (which she was desperate to buy), her husband (who she 'desperately in love' got engaged to after 3 weeks) and his 'awful family'.

The downside is I don't get to see much of my niece and nephew...

Spidey66 · 13/11/2022 11:25

I've got 2 brothers and a sister.

Me and my sister hated each other when we were younger, and fought like cat and dog. We get on better now. I've always got on OK with my brothers but wouldn't say I was close to them. We make an effort to catch up every few months.

WinterLobelia · 13/11/2022 11:28

DH has a sister and a brother. We get along with his sister but my BIL stole from us and stole from PILs so we are complete NC. He is an utter slimy deceitful nasty fucker.

My sis- well, she is okay I guess. She lives near my parents in my home country and benefits from extensive child care and financial support (and still moans about it) and I guess I probably resent her a bit. Wheras when I go to my home country approx every 2 years or so the parents drop everything to see me and she resents that and calls me the Prodigal Daughter. Yeah- but you get meals cooked for you and the DCs staying over at my parents every second weekend so you can get a 'break'. DH and i have a disabled child and have only once managed to get a babysitter in all of his nearly 13 years.

I think she is arrogant and entitled and she has not been any different. She thinks I have abandoned my roots and she will be left with ageing parents without support from me (which may not be the case as we are thinking of returning home).

Basically neither of us would be friends or even acquaintances were it not for the fact we are related.

CouldShouldWont · 13/11/2022 11:45

CMOTDibbler · 13/11/2022 09:01

Nope, not at all. For years we would see each other once a year if we crossed over at my parents and the odd text/email contact when one parent or another had a health crisis. When my parents died it was a great relief when the house was sold and estate settled and I knew I never needed to speak to him again

This is my ideal situation

Unfortunately with mum still alive, my brother her ‘carer’ (she also has a personal carer) and he needs every Saturday and one month off in every four leaving me to pick up the pieces, in a place I don’t want to be and a full time job I hate, our relationship (and also my relationship with my mother) is deteriorating rapidly.

I cannot wait until I never have to interact with him in any way again. He is a manipulative bully and always has been

I never thought I would end up bitter but I’m becoming so and I don’t know how to stop myself

zingally · 13/11/2022 12:17

I get on better with my sister much better now we're adults and living apart.
That being said, if we weren't sisters, we probably wouldn't be friends, as we're very different people.
We've never had any big falling out though, and we text each other a couple of times a week. We see each other perhaps every other month.

Scatteredpictures · 13/11/2022 12:35

No - my parents separated when I was really little so the smallest gap between me and a sibling is 7 years, going into maybe about 9, 11 and 20 years difference.
We’re at completely different life stages and they have no reason to bother with me. I’d have loved siblings close in age to me I could be close to but nothing I can do about that!

Sunshineandshowers0 · 13/11/2022 12:39

My sister is just drama, self obsessed, so immature and actually not a very nice person. Most of her family is like that so not sure why I expected her to be any different to them. So NC with her, and feel much better being out of the cycle of having to please her. She always thinks she’s right with everything, has no respect and it has been tiring for too many years.
My brother I’m close to now but haven’t always been over the years as we lived further away, but we are especially close since I’ve had my child, and I love that we get on really well now.

LovelaceBiggWither · 13/11/2022 12:50

My sister is a horrible human being. I had a lot of pressure from my parents (who I am genuinely very close to) to put up and shut up.

She's gone NC with me and I couldn't be happier.

JustLyra · 13/11/2022 13:04

I have no contact with any of my siblings.

My eldest brother is vile. He’s basically turned into our father. His wife and children stayed with us for a while when he assaulted her (he’s done so multiple times and has convictions for it). When she went back my nephew begged to stay. He was 15 so social services said he could if he wanted, he couldn’t be made to go back.
my brother launched a campaign (would turn up and kick my door, throw things at my windows, follow me around shouting abuse) against me for ‘destroying his family’.

He gave our other two siblings an ultimatum that they could be in contact with him or with me. They chose him. I’ll never forgive them for that. I’m better off without any of them.