Do you get on with your siblings

[justcurious121]

NC for obvious reasons... my DM frequently laments that me and my sister don't get on. We are very different people - literally chalk and cheese with different opinions on everything. As children I adored her and she really took advantage of that relationship and I learnt to be more independent in my teens. As the years go by, I have grown to realise that I just don't really enjoy spending time with her. So, AIBU to think I shouldn't have to get on with my sibling once we are adults?
Also would be curious to know your sibling relationships in adulthood vs childhood.

YABU - she is your sibling, you should get on.
YANBU - you don't have to get on with people just because they are your sibling.

YANBU. I’m in quite a similar situation to you. Our lives are so different and it’s only in recent months/years that I’ve come to realise that I don’t need to placate my DB or fake it. It’s very liberating!

my sister and I are both products of our dysfunctional upbringing, but in different ways and are very different from each other. She screams for what she wants, while I pretend I don’t need anything. We spent our earlier years fighting for a scarce resource - parental care/affection, as everything was about them and their 2 children didn’t really exist. I moved as far away as I could (different hemisphere) as soon as I could (barely old enough to legally decide for myself).
Neither of us are great at interpersonal relationships. She wants a closer relationship with me, I tried, but I just frankly can’t stand her. Obnoxious, selfish, self centred, hysterical. Nah.

Same! Except our situation was even more intense as our parents were largely emotionally absent so she really parented me, which made me feel very indebted. But we had a big bust up, didn't speak much for a couple of years and reset a little. Not we are friendly and spend time together but I trust her less, share less and she attacks much less.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers meant to tag you above. Im NC with my parents and they prove me right about that decision with every bit of info or news I get

Yanbu. My brother and I hate each other. My father’s last wish is that we start to get on. It won’t happen.

@Dacquoise @FleecyBlanketPerson I’ve done a lot of similar grieving but still miss what I didn’t and don’t have. Also working hard to give the family Im now forming something different. It doesn’t come naturally, tho. Sometimes I just want to retreat into myself as this is what I learned is safe and comforting, and That I shouldn’t spend my emotional energy on anyone else. Old habits die hard, I’ll keep pushing against them.

You can choose your friends but not your family so it's obvious that you will be different and not get on.
The only thing you have in common is you were born to the same mum.

If you don't enjoy their company then stop trying. Choose people you like and get on with.

I was having this conversation with friends and all of us with a sibling (or more than one) had difficulties with them of one sort of another. It really has the power to upset, especially if you were close growing up and you feel they should be your life continuity.

I'm closest to sister but we are chalk and cheese. She is loud, ignorant and a bit of a bully. I'm quieter and more thoughtful. Her nose is a bit put out of joint as she can no longer bully me - she loves to have the upper hand. At times she tries to humiliate me in public but is too thick to realise that the only person she is showing up is herself. I see her weekly and I sometimes ask myself why.

I have virtually no relationship with elder brother as we've mostly lost touch which is rather sad. We live within walking distance but only keep in touch with greeting cards when appropriate and these are written by his wife.

Younger brother lives at the other end of the country. He's only ever got in touch when he needs something, either information or something more tangible, which makes you feel as if you are being used. The rest of the time we may as well not exist. He's quite the performative funeral attendee and will no doubt turn up when I pop my clogs, probably to see if I'm leaving him anything. Sad, really.

No, you don’t have to get on.

Having said that, I do. My sister and I were not close as teens but as adults, she is my best friend. We live a couple of hours away from each other so see each other every few months but we go on holiday a lot together. Our children are very close. I speak to her several times a week. And by far the hardest thing about lockdown was not seeing her for months. It became almost a physical need to see her.

Not much help but they are my best friends.

Text daily on our whatsapp group, talk daily on the phone, go out together, go away together. Of course we argue low and again but nothing long lasting.

Perfectly normal though not getting on with them as this thread indicates!

I get on with all my siblings, don’t know anyone who doesn’t really and would consider it strange

YANBU. I have a similar relationship with my sister, although we have never been friendly. She's always been a bully and seems to revert to being a spiteful teenager when family is around. My parents feel sad that I avoid her. I know hate is a strong word and to be honest with such little contact I don't have very strong feelings about her, but there's nobody in my life that I like less.

YANBU

I have a sibling in another country and if I went to that country on holiday I would not go out of my way to see them - seen them twice in the last decade but not bothered. Not fallen out - but I do find their family one-sided, selfish and insultingly tight with money (happy to take for years but never give/gave).

Get on okish (toleration) with another sibling who has similar outlook.

Get on brilliantly with my other sibling and all his kids.

I love her fiercely but I don't like her, especially at the moment. We got on fine, really well even, until I had my DS. She physically recoiled in disgust when I announced I was pregnant and hasn't really bothered much with me since unless it suited her.

She's incredibly single track focused, is probably on the ASD spectrum, has been coddled by out parents and as a result is inflexible, selfish and generally intolerant. It's a shame as I adore her.

We had a big argument in the summer and I don't know if it's a rift that can be mended as she is unwilling to admit her mistakes and apologize for her part in it.

I'm a carer for one and I've never met the other. You don't get to choose your siblings, but you do get to decide if you want to keep them in your life. There really isn't a law or obligation that says you must.

I think it depends what you mean by "get on".
Obviously it makes life easier for everyone if everyone can be civil, but that doesn't mean you have to be in and out of each others lives day in and day out.

I have the same issues, it's sad for me as I do miss them and I don't think they realise the above - that we are all victims of a very dysfunctional upbringing. Unfortunately our mother and other members of family have made it seem more like we are all different and there always has to be a scapegoat sibling at any one time - currently me, never mind I was part of the violent terrifying upbringing too.

I just think whatever these days, if it makes them all feel better to have me as a scapegoat rather than face up to the violent alcoholic father we had, or the sexually abusive uncles or the mother with a likely personality disorder then so be it! Gosh, think I am pent up with this rubbish sorry!

Lucky for you.

No I don't. My brother is 6 years older and not seen him for 20 years!
Just because you're siblings, you don't have to get along just to please your DM
Blood isn't always thicker than water

close growing up with my 2 brothers, no contact for 3 years now at 36...

I'm one of 4 and 2nd oldest. I get on well with my younger brother and sister, I see them often and we message/phone regularly.

None of us have much of a relationship with my older brother. He's self entitled, unbelievably selfish and just generally not a particularly nice person. We all find it difficult to be civil towards him when paths cross.

My younger siblings have an OK relationship between themselves - it broke down a few years ago but seems to be getting back on track now.

My SIL's are amazing though and I love them both dearly. My BIL is an arsehole.

I'm not close to any of my siblings. We all get on but we don't have a friendship type relationship. We all have our own families friends etc so we all see each other at family events and get on but we don't go out of the way to spend time together.

With one of them i get along mostly. Didnt at all growing up and as teens. Even now we have the occasional blow up, but our core values etc. are similar. they are a wonderful person and fun to be around. We hang out as friends or with each others friends often.
With my other sibling its a bit different. We dont have anything in common and i dont particularly enjoy their company.
We get along when we are together, but i dont go out of my way to organise meetups etc. We all live very close by though, so we do see each other at least once a week for a couple hours. Its always pleasant and civil, but its not like hanging out with friends.

I see one of mine every year or so. No idea if the other one is alive or dead.

So no, not especially close.