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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you get on with your siblings

103 replies

justcurious121 · 13/11/2022 08:48

NC for obvious reasons... my DM frequently laments that me and my sister don't get on. We are very different people - literally chalk and cheese with different opinions on everything. As children I adored her and she really took advantage of that relationship and I learnt to be more independent in my teens. As the years go by, I have grown to realise that I just don't really enjoy spending time with her. So, AIBU to think I shouldn't have to get on with my sibling once we are adults?
Also would be curious to know your sibling relationships in adulthood vs childhood.

YABU - she is your sibling, you should get on.
YANBU - you don't have to get on with people just because they are your sibling.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/11/2022 09:21

Yes- speak daily, live near by.
Siblings that don’t get on is this a mirror of other relationships within the family?
tbh I haven’t met about one who isn’t close to their siblings, only seems to be on mn

2pinkginsplease · 13/11/2022 09:24

We don’t get in, never have really but went no contact beginning of 2019 and my life is much easier, less stressful and I don’t jump everytime my phone rings anymore.

my sibling is an addict, addicts are selfish, manipulative, play the victim and are never wrong…. Or so they think..

for my own mental health I’ve cut them off,

EnterFunnyNameHere · 13/11/2022 09:24

I love my DB, and we get on well when we spend time together. However, he puts literally no effort into us remaining in contact (we live a long way apart) and I'm frankly running out of patience in general with relationships which are all one way traffic. I reckon if I stopped contacting him then we'd simply never have contact ever again.

It makes me sad - I'd love to be closer with him. I find that a lot of my friends/family who have never moved don't get how much effort I need to put in just to maintain any basic level of contact. My friends/family who have moved away from where we grew up (even if they've since moved back) just "get it" and put a lot more effort in.

But basically it's fine so long as I don't mind being the instigator of all contact, but I'm just getting less impressed with that status quo!

Ragwort · 13/11/2022 09:26

OnlyFool not quite sure what your post means but I know plenty of people who aren't particularly close to their siblings .. I don't know anyone (well, one person I can think of) who is actually NC with siblings but many people move away from 'home' when they are adults and relationships just fizzle out even with siblings.

ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts · 13/11/2022 09:27

I have three siblings including two DT.

I’m the eldest and not really close to any of them. We get on ok when we meet up but that’s it. We’re not really involved in each others lives.

The others are close to each other, holidays/days out etc. I’m adopted so I’m not sure if that plays a part in it?

It is what it is though and I don’t bother about it. I know it bothered my late DM though.

Boooooot · 13/11/2022 09:27

No my siblings are all very young children still. My husband is one of 4 and while they all get along, they’re not close. None of them even wished our son happy birthday on his first birthday.

Chomolungma · 13/11/2022 09:29

My brother and I are very different people. We rarely meet up, but we text each other occasionally and I know we'd be there for each other in an emergency.

DH and his brother aren't close at all.

So I'm pragmatic about our three DC. If they end up having a close relationship then that's a bonus!

autumnboys · 13/11/2022 09:29

I voted YANBU. I am very close to my sister, but that doesn’t mean everyone should be.

Cazzie1979 · 13/11/2022 09:31

My sister and I were best of friends, I supported her through depression and she’s always been there for me. We also went out socially and had a lot in common. 7 years ago she met her current partner and our relationship changed as she became obsessed with him and didn’t want to spend time with me any more. It’s slowly got better as we both had younger children just a year apart so do things together with them now. She’s still the only person I tell everything to (apart from my husband), but I do feel sad that we don’t see each other as much as we used to.

In my group of friends I don’t think anyone else has a close relationship with their sibling, I think it can be quite rare.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/11/2022 09:31

Ragwort · 13/11/2022 09:26

OnlyFool not quite sure what your post means but I know plenty of people who aren't particularly close to their siblings .. I don't know anyone (well, one person I can think of) who is actually NC with siblings but many people move away from 'home' when they are adults and relationships just fizzle out even with siblings.

Just that all my friends are close to their siblings- speak throughout the week and see them weekly/ fortnightly etc.
so for people who aren’t close I’m wondering if it’s indicative of a bigger issue across the family. Was family never seen as important growing up? Were other relatives cut off etc?

glamourousindierockandroll · 13/11/2022 09:32

Yes very. Our whole family lives within a square quarter mile, our husbands get on well and pur children are close in age. We whatsapp most days and help eachother out with childcare/lifts. Socialising is mainly with the children these days, but we do try to go out to a bar or get together for a takeaway a couple of times a year, sometimes with our mum as well.

FleecyBlanketPerson · 13/11/2022 09:32

@Dacquoise very similar situation here.
I am training myself to not think about what could be. NC and their loss.
Instead I'm focused on making sure my own children never go through those shitty dynamics.

Thisbastardcomputer · 13/11/2022 09:33

I have two brothers, one sister. One brother is very quiet I saw him this week and probably won't see him until next family funeral.

The other brother is very sociable, I speak to him often and he visits.

I don't know what it is with my sister but get the feeling she doesn't like me, being several years older, I was working when she was at school. There's always been remarks about me having more money. I've been generous giving her stuff for herself and her children, but realised she has never once given me anything. You live and learn, we are minimum contact now our parents have gone.

amiold · 13/11/2022 09:33

I get on with my brother but there were times when it wasn't good.

The issue is, you can't just get on because it's expected. You either do or don't. Don't beat yourself up. It is what it is.

CornishGem1975 · 13/11/2022 09:35

I have no relationship with mine but we hated each other as kids so I'm not really fussed!

Thighdentitycrisis · 13/11/2022 09:37

YANBU
she is the elder and as kids was very bossy and could quite mean,
I love my sister but I don’t like her much
many years ago I made a conscious decision to avoid being with her and DM at the same time as she is horribly competitive, will rubbish and diminish me.

DM currently got dementia and going down hill. I have had to have a lot more contact with DsIs since then and it’s very difficult indeed, as I usually don’t bother with her.

crossstitchingnana · 13/11/2022 09:39

EnterFunnyNameHere · 13/11/2022 09:24

I love my DB, and we get on well when we spend time together. However, he puts literally no effort into us remaining in contact (we live a long way apart) and I'm frankly running out of patience in general with relationships which are all one way traffic. I reckon if I stopped contacting him then we'd simply never have contact ever again.

It makes me sad - I'd love to be closer with him. I find that a lot of my friends/family who have never moved don't get how much effort I need to put in just to maintain any basic level of contact. My friends/family who have moved away from where we grew up (even if they've since moved back) just "get it" and put a lot more effort in.

But basically it's fine so long as I don't mind being the instigator of all contact, but I'm just getting less impressed with that status quo!

That's me and my brothers. I make all the effort, always call them etc. However, it doesn't bother me as I look at the bigger picture and I know they are always pleased to hear from me. With one of them I probably only speak to him a couple of times a year. When we all get together there's so much love and affection in the room, as well as the same old irritations and annoying behaviour. It's like we regress!

crossstitchingnana · 13/11/2022 09:42

I realise I would be upset in my own dc didn't get on. I have a friend, with two sisters, and there's often falling outs. Don't speak for months, or years, I would hate that.

My dc never fight and get on brilliantly, I know they talk to each other about their problems. However, they're very different and never spend time together for example.

Nimblesandbimbles · 13/11/2022 09:45

I’m really close with my sister although we fought constantly as children! I’d say amongst my friends it’s a mix of those that are close and those that are basically indifferent. My daughter will be an only so when I read threads like this it makes me realise I shouldn’t agonise too much about it. There can be pros and cons to both.

Mol1628 · 13/11/2022 09:45

Get on fine with my brother but he’s a very private person and we aren’t really close. Just polite. Would do anything he needed to help but we aren’t really friends.

My sister I’m no contact with now as she’s horrible and hurt us a lot last year and it was the final straw really. Fed up of her belittling, bullying behaviour.

PenCreed · 13/11/2022 09:46

I'm one of three, we all get on fine but aren’t super close - we’re all very different. I’d say my sister and I are closer to each other than to my brother, but none of us live within 100 miles of each other so we don’t exactly catch up regularly. There seems to be a be of a split on this thread of very close vs no relationship and I suspect many siblings are in between.

autienotnaughty · 13/11/2022 09:47

No my sister is six years older and was horrid to me in childhood. We both made an effort in adulthood particularly when I had kids and we had a few years where we got on great, had overlapping friends so did weekends away nights out etc. But for some reason her bullying crept back in and I retreated. She was vile to me when our mother died but massively supportive when (unrelated) I had a breakdown. Now I see her 3-4 times a year as she lives in a different part of the country we get on ok but we are not close she's a selfish person who attacks if she feels Insecure so I prefer to keep my distance.

Mol1628 · 13/11/2022 09:47

Should also add my parents are devastated that we don’t get on but I could put Up with her just to please them anymore as I have my own family to put first now.

maddy68 · 13/11/2022 09:48

Mine are nice enough. But we aren't close. We get along when we see each other which is a couple of times a year

autienotnaughty · 13/11/2022 09:49

MajorCarolDanvers · 13/11/2022 09:03

I get on ok with one and fabulously with the other.

Do the other two get on. Three is a difficult dynamic.

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