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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have older child in nursery when on maternity leave?

104 replies

Darkmoons · 12/11/2022 14:16

My son will be just over two and a half when his sibling arrives, and I am a bit worried about how to manage both their needs. He currently attends nursery for three days a week - is it reasonable to keep this up, or reduce, take out altogether … interested to hear what most people do?

OP posts:
Beees · 12/11/2022 14:17

Definitely keep him in and feel no guilt about it if you can afford it! It's so much better if be keeps his routine and it gives you much needed time with baby.

SamVimesFavouriteDragon · 12/11/2022 14:18

I kept mine in, there was a holiday for the first 2 weeks anyway and by then I think he was happy to be back! Nursery is so beneficial for us, DS would really miss it! but obviously it totally depends on your nursery and your little one's relationship there x

RockAndRollerskate · 12/11/2022 14:19

Kept mine in nursery 3 days a week. I felt like I wouldn’t have had the 1 on 1 time with the youngest and he’d miss out as they really do take a back seat to toddler siblings.

it’s a huge upheaval for them to get a new sibling so it’s nice for them to keep some routine.

cirillaofcintra · 12/11/2022 14:22

Not unreasonable at all, it's what we are planning to do when the next one comes along (we'll start TTC when DD is 18 months). I guess the question is can you afford it. It will be tight for us but we're just going to have to scrimp and save as I don't think my mental health (not to mention physical health with the sleep deprivation!) could take having both at home 5 days a week while DH is at work.

ChuggingtonMum · 12/11/2022 14:22

Mine qualified for 30 free hours just after baby arrived so I upped his hours!

It is tricky managing two alone and nice for dc to have familiar routine. If you can afford it I'd definitely keep dc in part time.

randomsabreuse · 12/11/2022 14:22

Keep him in 3 days, definitely. You'll not be far off the 15/30 hours kicking in and you'll be together the majority of the week.

Nice to get some time with just the two of you and try to get some solo time with the older one at weekends if you can.

Frazzled2207 · 12/11/2022 14:24

I did this but reduced to 2 dpw because I felt a bit guilty. Is totally fine though. He did love going to nursery though which helped.

Original poster
Darkmoons · 12/11/2022 14:25

I was thinking of reducing his days to two. I feel I missed out on maternity leave the first time due to lockdown so desperate to make the most of this one!

OP posts:
853ax · 12/11/2022 14:26

Leave him at it, my older children stayed full time while I on maternity leave.
If any days you wanted to go somewhere or bring him on days out could take day off.
Majority of maternity leave you busy with baby

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 12/11/2022 14:27

I'd leave it for now. You can always reduce later if you a bit more settled with the baby.

MajorCarolDanvers · 12/11/2022 14:28

My elder child went to childminder and nursery 3 days a week when my second was born.

No guilt. It was the right thing for everyone.

Bootoagoose123 · 12/11/2022 14:30

In exactly the same position and also feel like I missed out first time round because of lockdown! We are going to keep our oldest in nursery and won't feel a moment's guilt as she loves it!

PineapplePrincess · 12/11/2022 14:30

I kept my older son in. It allowed me time with baby, or if baby was sleeping, time for a cuppa to myself. You also have the flexibility that you could take son out, if you wanted to, to do things together - something you couldn’t do with school aged kids. It was the best of both worlds.

OverTheRubicon · 12/11/2022 14:33

If that's what you want, it's fairly normal in this country and among relatively privileged parents (like the ones on this site).
In my home country we don't have free hours/similar when on maternity leave, so it's very unusual to keep kids in nursery when on maternity leave, so I didn't at first but then found it actually quite difficult to make any friends in a new city, because even 2nd/3rd time mums tended not to have toddlers in tow, so they could sit and chat with babies while I chased older DC(s).
I think that a few mornings in or a day or 2 can be a lovely way to have one on one time with your baby and see people, and then when your older one is home they can get more focus. When someone's on leave for a year and keeps their older child in long day care for most of the week, I think that's often a bit of a shame for the older child and the sibling relationship.

Beees · 12/11/2022 14:37

When someone's on leave for a year and keeps their older child in long day care for most of the week, I think that's often a bit of a shame for the older child and the sibling relationship.

It's not a shame at all though. At 2.5/3ish most children thrive and love the routine of nursery. It would actually in many cases be more upsetting for them being taken out and spending their days at home whilst mum dealt with the baby.

Another thing to consider is taking a child out will likely mean they don't get their space back so not only would they have the disruption of a new sibling but also the disruption of starting somewhere new when they returned to childcare.

MagentaTulip · 12/11/2022 14:41

Definitely fine to keep him in. There's baby activities you won't be able to do if you have a toddler around too, and that impacts on your youngest. And there's toddler activities you can't easily do with a baby. This way he gets time to do fun toddler activities at nursery and you can do baby massage/sign/swimming/eating crisps in front of Netflix while baby naps on you. Everyone's a winner.

Betsyboo87 · 12/11/2022 14:43

Keeping mine in for 5 days per week. He is super active and needs to be kept busy. He skips into nursery everyday and will honestly be happier than being at home with me all day, especially with a newborn. I also want to give DS2 the same one to one time that I got with DS1 or I’d feel guilty for DS2.

Taking him out was never an option as they have a year long waiting list (DS2 went on the list as soon as we had the 12 week scan!) and I wouldn’t want to risk his place. They also have a 4 day minimum so we can’t reduce anymore than that. We could potentially move to slightly shorter days but the saving isn’t great and I’d rather have the flexibility. I know we’re fortunate to be able to afford it, I am only taking 6 months mat leave though.

TreacsPotNoodle · 12/11/2022 14:45

100% keep him in if you can afford to!

You'll need as much rest as possible and taking him out could disrupt his routine.

BeanCounterBabe · 12/11/2022 14:52

This is why we deliberately planned a 3 year age gap, in fact most families we know did the same. My DD1 was in nursery for two days per week (15 hours funding then) and had two mornings with the GPs. Suited us all perfectly.

tactum · 12/11/2022 14:55

I planned to reduce 3 days to 2. Then DS actually arrived and everything went out of the window! I think DD loved going to nursery to get away from the noise!!

Hugasauras · 12/11/2022 15:00

My DD has continued her 3 days. I would crack up otherwise and it's only fair DD2 gets the kind of uninterrupted one on one time that her big sister had as a baby.

Namechange543212345 · 12/11/2022 15:00

Had DC 2 at start of year
Kept DC1 (3 at time, then turned 4) in full time pre school. I wanted time to bond with baby and have that 1:1 time that eldest got with me. Also meant less disruption to eldest routine. They still had plenty of time to bond as siblings outside of the hours of 9-3pm Mon-Fri.
If you can afford it then do it OP.

WhyOY · 12/11/2022 15:01

I would wait and see when baby is here how you feel.

FancyFelix · 12/11/2022 15:05

I kept mine in for mornings. Bit cheaper, good for the child, and he would come home shattered at lunchtime and have a great nap!

Geranium1984 · 12/11/2022 15:12

I've just had a baby and my son is 2yrs 3mo. We are keeping his 3 nursery days. He is so full of beans I need to take him outside or to an activity every morning and afternoon so there is no way I could keep him as well entertained as nursery do.
I have a mother's help coming in on the other two days to help me juggle the two and allow me to spend some 1-1 time with my toddler.
No idea how anyone does it with two on their own.