To have older child in nursery when on maternity leave?

[Darkmoons]

My son will be just over two and a half when his sibling arrives, and I am a bit worried about how to manage both their needs. He currently attends nursery for three days a week - is it reasonable to keep this up, or reduce, take out altogether … interested to hear what most people do?

Yup, keep him in for the three days. He'll be bored senseless at home otherwise

No baby groups, no meet ups, no support, no coffees with friends.

Lots of ways.

Your life do what you need to. I did.

I kept my son in for the free hours only, and then pulled him out a month before school started.

First reply has nailed it!

I would keep him in so you can give little baby the focus you were able to give to him. I also think at that age they benefit from nursery, socialising and doing fun activities.

I'll be doing it when my baby arrives in June. I timed a 3 year gap for this exact reason, so the 30 Free term time hours would kick in fairly soon after!

I chose a 3 year age gap with my two so I could send my oldest to the school nursery which only did mornings. I couldn't have sent her there if I was working.

I had DH on pat leave for 2 weeks and then the school term kicked in.

It really helped me. That 3 hours kept me sane!

Free hours, obviously. I couldn't have afforded to pay for it which is why it was planned.

Do what works for you.

It kinda saddens me that this is done. "Let's have another kid, but dump the other one off because we can get someone to watch them for free"

I've already said it but, why have more than one child if you only want one around at any one time? It seems really harsh and mean

OP isn't talking about only wanting one around forever though, is she? She is talking about a couple of days a week during the first year. No need to extrapolate that to mean forever.

YANBU . I kept DS in for 3 days (well 1 day childminder and 2 days nursery) and then switched to school hours when he got his free hours, so a) I kept his place and b) I could nap when DS2 napped and do some baby stuff with him, eg a great mums and babies walking group in the local hills.
It was a great compromise.

She's talking about three days a week for around 8 hours. She has both of them the other hours on those three days and for four whole days. Not sure how that equates to never having both of them together. Both are together more than apart

Keep it if you can afford to!

You'll still have lovely days together and weekends. All good for all of you.

@Bintymcbintface - honestly, I can’t think of anybody with more than one child who always has them both with a parent, all of the time.

In the future, if DS is into rugby and DS2 (say - don’t know what I’m having) is into gymnastics, does it mean I don’t want them both around if I leave ds2 home with dad while I take ds1 to rugby? Of course not, just that they are different people with different needs and wants.

Its the same when I have a toddler and new baby. DS isn’t going to be interested in baby sensory: having him do nursery on that day doesn’t mean I don’t want him around.

Plus, recovery from a section and breastfeeding a newborn is brutal and I’ll take all the help I can get!

I'm not saying they have to be together all the time, but specifically timing age gaps to take advantage of free child care when new baby comes along just kinda looks like the eldest is being replaced or something. I understand if toddler has an established routine with nursery and things that of course you don't want to change that, but cases of here's the new one off you pop because I can't deal with the 2 of you right now is just horrible imo

Your eldest is in nursery FULLTIME when you’re at home with the baby? 😮 You must tell yourself they love nursery very, very much, much more than spending an extra day with you..

OP, I think I’d be tempted by the 3 days at nursery, it’s a good balance and you can always do early pick ups which apparently is the hardest part of the nursery day. Be aware of changes in the older ones’ behaviour because baby is at home with Mummy.

Im kind of open mouthed at all these posts really. I was a childminder and had 2 weeks‘ maternity leave with my second child before taking back the ft 2 year old I was looking after, so 3 under fives. Who was probably ADHD.. Zero family support. So this seems the height of luxury, but if you can afford it and know your child is happy, plus needing to keep their place, then why not? Especially as you are finally having the maternity leave you were robbed of first time round. I totally get it and hope you enjoy every minute of it

Do you have young children? The timing the gap isn't so you can replace one with a newer baby for goodness sake. It's done you can actually afford more than one child. Childcare is so extraordinarily expensive very few people could afford to pay for more than 1 child if they were paying full fees.

In the cases described by those who timed the gap to ensure 1 child had their 30hrs funding these children would already have been in childcare hence why their parents knew they couldn't have a child sooner without having to remove the child from nursery and disrupt their current routine.

Being totally honest, I think I will struggle to manage both in the first few weeks. Hopefully after that things will settle a bit.

The thing is no one would bat an eye at granny or grandad taking DS for the day to give me a chance to focus on baby. But for some reason paid childcare seems to have people thinking it’s wrong.

Is DH back at the office now? I feel quite excited for you, having the maternity leave you dreamed of last time. And baby groups and sensory play, while your other one has their own world 3 times a week. And just being able to chill at home with the baby or both children.. Making up for that lost time!

He’s back a couple of days a week, which is fine. I don’t mind him WFH sometimes but all the time is a tad relentless!

DD1 was 20 months when DD2 was born and we continued her 4-day nursery schedule. She loves it there and it meant she could have a fun, stimulating day while I could also have a reasonably relaxing day with the baby. If you can afford it then go for it.

I take it you don't have 1 or 2 young children then? I don't want to lose my sons place at his current childminder nor mess his routine up when a new baby comes along. He'd be bored stupid especially in this first few weeks.

I find the trick on days I have them both solo is to just get out of the house for as long as possible. I tend to organise stuff for DD1 and then DD2 just tags along, and I make up for it by doing DD2-specific stuff on nursery days. On Tues/Weds when I have both, some days it gets to bedtime and it feels like I've barely interacted with DD2 other than the necessary feeding, changing stuff, so the rest of the days are sort of 'reconnection' days I suppose for the two of us.

I am quite happy to admit that I kept DS1 in nursery when I was on mat leave with DS2 partly for selfish reasons - I don't enjoy looking after under 5s full time on my own particularly fun. That's why I didn't become a SAHM or work in childcare. I love my children to bits but I am a better parent when I get time away from them, that's partly why I work. Lots of male parents feel this way and no one criticises them.

It helped a lot that DS1 would have hated to be taken out of nursery. When nursery closed in lockdown, he was distraught. I know lots on here claim kids under 3 don't have friends but DS1 cried for his friends daily for most of a month

Definitely leave, maybe reduce days. Otherwise surely you’ll lose his place?