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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have older child in nursery when on maternity leave?

104 replies

Darkmoons · 12/11/2022 14:16

My son will be just over two and a half when his sibling arrives, and I am a bit worried about how to manage both their needs. He currently attends nursery for three days a week - is it reasonable to keep this up, or reduce, take out altogether … interested to hear what most people do?

OP posts:
PeekabooAtTheZoo · 12/11/2022 15:16

I kept mine in. He benefited from the routine, got the best of me on the days he was at home, and his sister got a fair amount of 1:1 time making it fair because DS had that time with me when he was a baby too. Do what works for you and don't let anyone guilt you into changing things.

FluffMagnet · 12/11/2022 15:24

Kept mine in 5 days a week. Didn't want to lose her place at her wonderful nursery, or mess up her routine. She loves her baby brother, I think more so for never having the jealousy of having to come second best to a newborn's needs. It worked for us, but that doesn't necessarily mean it will work for everyone.

Hugasauras · 12/11/2022 15:24

On days I have them both we are basically just out of the house all day doing stuff to entertain DD1 and DD2 gets carried along Grin

cptartapp · 12/11/2022 15:30

DS1 was 2.4 years when DS2 came along. I increased his nursery from three to three and a half days as it was the only break I ever got. Zero other 'help'. He was fine and it made it all a bit easier.
DS2 went to nursery at five months too pt and I ran back to work.
Twenty years on their relationship is fine.

PanettoneMoly · 12/11/2022 15:30

I only have one DC so no personal experience but the three of my friends who are currently on maternity leave have all kept their toddler in nursery. Same hours/days they were previously doing, so 4-5 days a week.

spiderontheceiling · 12/11/2022 15:36

Provided you can afford it, why on earth wouldn't you?
DC1 was two and a half when DC2 was born and had some really good friendships at nursery. I was planning (and did) go back to work when DC1 was 9 months old which was 18 months before DC1 started school so she would have returned to nursery for those 18 months so it seemed unnecessarily disruptive to take her out. She also really liked nursery and they did a range of activities she enjoyed like ballet and things and, if she'd dropped a day, she would have missed out on one of those.
What I did change was that I dropped her off at 8.30 rather than 7.30 and picked her up around 4.30 rather than 5.45.
The days she was at nursery, DC2 and I could go to baby sensory groups or just pootle around at home and then the days DC1 was at home we'd be off meeting up with friends and having days out. It was a good balance.

Lapland123 · 12/11/2022 15:36

Think you could collect earlier so they have at least morning in there3 times a week, or into early afternoon. Then they get their routine, get out etc. but it’s not as tough as longer days when you need it to cover work hours. Think that’s a nice balance

iwantchinese · 12/11/2022 15:38

i am currently doing this as i have a 15 month old and 4 month old it’s the only way i can get anything done 😂

sunlight81 · 12/11/2022 15:55

Definitely keep them in ... zero guilt too!!

Heartshappedsunglasses · 12/11/2022 16:14

If you want to and can afford it then you should. Just because you paid for a session doesn’t mean they have to go either - if it’s a really nice day or you want to do a family activity there is nothing stopping you.

i took my older one out when I had my second. I work full time and really miss him we had 9 months of fun , tried out palaces we never quite manage to get to at the weekend, toddler groups etc. maybe the little one got carried along to stuff but he didn’t mind. We got stuff done and we just enjoyed each other.
when I had my third I took the chance to take the second out , he just loved to help me and have that time to be a big brother, I went back and had a whole change of childcare but it was worth it.

however it’s hugely exhausting, I’m lucky that my babies have all fed well, slept well and been pretty content, if they hadn’t perhaps I would have found it harder and that is maybe something else to consider.

IglesiasPiggl · 12/11/2022 16:22

I had to keep mine in so as to keep his place for when I went back to work, and to secure sibling priority place for DC2. I moved him down to half days instead of full ones, which gave me time to go to a baby activity with DC2 and then pick up DC1 for the afternoon together.

Cw112 · 12/11/2022 16:28

You keep him in provided you can afford it. It'll give him a sense of routine and normality and give you a little less to do during the day so you can focus on new baby. Ideally you also get a relative to take new baby out for the odd hour so you can rest and catch up on yourself as well. And you feel no guilt about any of it whatsoever knowing that all 3 of you are safe and happy. Enjoy the early baby days they go so fast.

daffodilandtulip · 12/11/2022 16:31

I'm a childminder and I've never had an older child pulled out when they have a baby. It's good for everyone - the older child keeps his routine, the new child gets 1:1 time, the mum gets to sleep. Plus if you still need the place when you go back to work.

autumnleavesontheground · 12/11/2022 16:34

We kept dc1 in, but I was only off a couple of months for maternity leave. So wouldn’t have been worth taking her out. If I’d had longer off and could afford to, I would continue.

cucumberegg · 12/11/2022 16:36

My eldest did 3 days when my second was born. 4 weeks later we upped it to 4 days a week. Eldest was only 13 month when youngest was born and we were in the thick of lockdown so nursery was the only time eldest could really leave the house.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 12/11/2022 16:41

I've got the same age gap as you and I kept my eldest in 4 days. I was breastfeeding and I found I just couldn't be sitting for ages on the sofa with a baby and looking after a toddler who had only just toilet trained, and the toddler kept waking the baby up and I just found looking after two of them stressful for quite a while. My second was an awful sleeper as well and I found I had no patience at all until we sleep trained at 7 months. After that I dropped down to 3 days for 6 months as we had a flexible nursery that let me increase to 4 days again when I went back to work. It still seemed like a mission to get them both out the house though and the baby would only nap at home in her bed so we had quite a few months of very short park trips and not much else

AliMonkey · 12/11/2022 16:44

I kept mine in, similar age gap, went 3dpw. She had done pretty full days (8-6ish) when I was working, so she was there reduced days simply because we didn't need to rush out of house, so she maybe on average did 10.30-4 - though we were still paying for full days! It was so much better for her than being stuck with us, particularly in the early days when I seemed to be constantly breastfeeding. So if you can afford to do it then do. Also means the place if held for when you go back to work.

Tomorrowisalatterday · 12/11/2022 16:49

I don't know anyone who took their older child out of nursery.

I would definitely stick with 3 days to start with and see how you feel. If your baby is really easy, you can then go down to 2.

I stuck with it for mine - DS1 was and is a total people person and would skip into nursery and sometimes cry when I picked him up. DS2 doesn't like nursery as much and is a more self sufficient potterer so if I had another, I would consider keeping him at home

ChampagneLassie · 12/11/2022 16:55

I'm TTC and have a 7month old and she's booked in for nursery next spring. I definitely want her in nursery if we have another baby, can't imagine trying to manage two! I struggled with first and I'm planning to get more help sooner this time with baby too. My partner went back to work at 2 weeks and we don't have any family support. I got a cleaner 2 hrs a day which was great. I think if you can afford being kind to yourself to give you all the best start

Coconutcream123 · 12/11/2022 16:57

Not unreasonable and great to keep his routine going.

ablisha · 12/11/2022 16:58

We're keeping DS in nursery for the main reasons that 1. He loves it and 2. He would risk losing his place which I can't afford to happen

SnackSizeRaisin · 12/11/2022 17:06

It's really hard managing 2 at first especially if breastfeeding. I'd keep the older one in nursery at least 3 halfdays or 2 full days. It gives you chance to get breastfeeding support or catch up.on sleep or do other boring things that a 2 year old won't enjoy
If the older one really dislikes nursery and or you have local family help then that would make a difference

DonnatellaLyman · 12/11/2022 17:10

My second was in lockdown and I took my then 2.5yo out of nursery (they offered to keep her as a key worker child). She was devastated to leave and talked all the time about when she could go back. Her social interaction with peers definitely suffered.

It was obviously the right choice for society as I didn’t need the childcare but would have been far better for her to be at nursery 2/3 days a week. Don’t feel guilty at all!!

Doowop1919 · 12/11/2022 17:11

My second is due February and my DS will be 2 and a half too. He goes twice a week (8am-2pm) and I'll be keeping him in, no guilt. He absolutely loves it and it'll be nice having 12 hours a week with just the baby :)

Bananas52 · 12/11/2022 17:16

I will be keeping DD in when the next one arrives in a few months. It's time for her to socialise and will take some of the pressure off. Definitely reasonable!