To think lots of MN comments are unreasonable in themselves

[AllTheOtherNamesWereTaken]

I see this happen so much, what is wrong with everybody (well lots of posters) who's supposed to be providing help or support? Somebody posts with a problem and one tiny phrase gets picked apart, or one small relationship problem they're told to divorce or break up etc.

Just seen a thread posted by a mum with 5 week old baby and people are saying she's unreasonable for saying "my little family." She's full of happy hormones and I love to think of myself as having my own little family what so wrong with this.

Yesterday somebody posted because her DH earns x4 her salary and expects to her to spend as much of his birthday holiday as he did on her- instead of advice she got pummeled for mentioning the amounts, which yes are high but so what we all know lots of people make good money and we don't know how hard they've grafted and learned etc to be in that position.

Also last week I posted about wanting DH to be more involved with DS, it seems I got my tone wrong which wasn't ideal with lots of responses but one person called me abusive to him like WTF and I see this happen sometimes too when there are no abuse red flags at all.

YABU- I'm a grumpy angry person who's going to prove your point (come at me!)

YANBU- I see this too can can't we all just calm is down and be nice to people asking for help

I had a thread this week, and felt everyone who responded was trying to be helpful. I received constructive comments, from some agreeing to some saying I needed to toughen up a bit.
My SPAG and proof reading is poor, but no comments about that either.

I do understand what you mean.It's like some people think it's a good thing to be "robust", and telling people to go elsewhere, like it's a good thing and proud of it, to have a section where you need to accept that you may be made to feel like shit, it's really quite sad that upsetting someone is a seen as a good thing,

When I see people being unnecessarily rude I always feel sorry for them, as for this to be a way to enjoy spending to your time, says a lot about your character. It's Normally very sad or bitter people who try and make others unhappy online, as let's be honest, 99% of people who do this would no way do it face to face, it's a coward who does this online.
You can be honest without being mean.

ooh the same with the ones who derail threads for their own narrative to get on their soap box, then misquote people, then get all goady, then just lie about what others have said, have more than one name on a thread etc, it's all BS and highlights who those people are.

Best advice OP. Just like life, their are some people out there who are just not very nice people and try to hide behind a guise of something else, disregard them and their opinions. Concentrate on the others who are genuinely nice people and want to help (the happy people).

While there are some posts where the poster is just being nasty and there's a report facility for that, so many times the OP complains of nastiness or bullying when the responder simply disagrees with him/her.

And there are some OPs that are clearly unreasonable but effectively saying 'agree with me or you're a meanie'.

And too often 'be kind' means 'women are only allowed to think a certain way and not rock the boat'.

I'm bringing it up because as much as I dislike some parts of MN culture, I think it needs context. I've had some people be very abusive to me on here, but it's never reached the worst of what men have said to me online. Yes, women can be horrible online. I've never known anyone deny that. I don't see why "and the worst of men outdoes it" is an unacceptable development in the discourse.
If you're going to make gendered complaints about women, you should expect gendered complaints about men. It's a shame that you think you're being "shut down" just by being countered, but if you don't understand how debate works, I can't help you

But it's not about other websites. The point the posters were making is that men are so harshly criticised here for being toxic and mean etc whilst women do it massively to each other on here at the same time. I agree you are taking up rape and murder to shut down the conversation.

"echo chamber", that's funny

I'm thinking about a thread I read last week where the OP posted about domestic violence and having to lock herself in the bathroom to protect herself.
One of the first people to reply misread her post (probably purposefully) and accused her of having "started it"

The next 4 pages became all people piling on saying there were 2 sides to every story and how it was probably her fault

I did report posters and it was taken down but what damage was done in that time? All because someone couldn't be arsed to read and everyone else just...thought it was fun to join in?

The forum is full of fucking hypocrites pretending to be feminists only so they can tear others down

"Taking up rape and murder to shut down the conversation":? Jeez, and I'm the one going to extremes?

It's a conversation about women being nasty online. It's gendered from the off. Expect the dialogue to continue in that vein. That being the premise, it's fair to observe that while I've been called a cunt on here for reclining my plane seat, I've been threatened with rape and death elsewhere, and never by women.

It's a relevant observation and if you're offended by women being rude, I can only guess why you would be offended by someone mentioning men being threatening...and even see it as an attempt to silence you.

That, my friend, is messed up.

YABU

Humiliation is the act of forcing humility on someone and isn't based on the audience.

The Cambridge Dictionary defines it like this

Humiliate: to make someone feel ashamed or lose respect for himself or herself

that's how on earth you can humiliate anyone, even on Mumsnet