To think lots of MN comments are unreasonable in themselves

[AllTheOtherNamesWereTaken]

I see this happen so much, what is wrong with everybody (well lots of posters) who's supposed to be providing help or support? Somebody posts with a problem and one tiny phrase gets picked apart, or one small relationship problem they're told to divorce or break up etc.

Just seen a thread posted by a mum with 5 week old baby and people are saying she's unreasonable for saying "my little family." She's full of happy hormones and I love to think of myself as having my own little family what so wrong with this.

Yesterday somebody posted because her DH earns x4 her salary and expects to her to spend as much of his birthday holiday as he did on her- instead of advice she got pummeled for mentioning the amounts, which yes are high but so what we all know lots of people make good money and we don't know how hard they've grafted and learned etc to be in that position.

Also last week I posted about wanting DH to be more involved with DS, it seems I got my tone wrong which wasn't ideal with lots of responses but one person called me abusive to him like WTF and I see this happen sometimes too when there are no abuse red flags at all.

YABU- I'm a grumpy angry person who's going to prove your point (come at me!)

YANBU- I see this too can can't we all just calm is down and be nice to people asking for help

There's always that one poster who wants to insist it's the OP being unreasonable even when all the responses are in unanimous agreement with the OP. Just trying to be combative for the sake of it.

A lot of people on here would never speak to their neighbours/colleagues/friends in the same way as they do to strangers on here over very minor things.
So what? What would be the advantage of trying to make MN just the same ass ordinary daily life?

Or maybe, you know, they actually have a different view on the issue?

People just want their post to be the one which is quoted / agreed / argued with, otherwise their voice is just one in a long list of posts that other people might just skip over and then what’s the point in them even posting?

AIBU can be a bit rough but there are diamond responses on some threads too.

I agree wholeheartedly and have vowed never to post again (unless commenting on someone else’s and only if I have anything helpful or constructive to say). I posted on New Year’s about my husband’s drinking and lying to me and I got called controlling and an awful person for it. Some people just get their kicks from insulting others behind the anonymity of a screen with no care or consideration for others’ wellbeing. Sad.

YANBU. There are some absolute vipers on here that comment in really rude ways for no reason at all. They don’t seem to care that the poster is probably feeling vulnerable/upset to even post here in the first place, it’s pretty disgusting tbh.

Not when the OP clearly isn't wrong in the slightest and the poster with "the different view" is literally making things up to accuse the OP of.

💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

On mumsnet they're more likely to be zirconia.

MN has good points and bad points. The LTB doesn't bother me because nobody in a healthy, happy relationship breaks up because someone on the internet told them to. It's almost unheard of for people in such relationships to post on here asking for advice. If they're posting on here about it, almost every time it's because it's a culmination of shit that they've been normalising over a long period of time and it usually gets gradually revealed as OP keeps posting. I wish I had a pound for every time an OP says how lovely he is right before giving an account of what a fucking shit he is.

Among the bad points are the obsession with class and not being "common" (who the fuck still says that these days?), which ironically goes along with a massive dislike of anyone discussing wealth.

There's also a weird obsession with being "attention seeking", which is aimed exclusively at women (don't think I've ever seen a man accused of it). Morally upstanding people never desire attention and are live to be ignored because their po-faced sanctimony gives them all the emotional support they need. Again ironically, we've all got depression and anxiety on here.

It's a funny old place, but I keep coming back. Probably due a name change, I get bored and the in joke for this one is quite old now.

Yip definitely agree. Then it's labelled as robust dialogue.

I particularly like where there's the bonus personal attacks and complete lack of self-awareness...

"you are unbearable/ awful/ draining. Yes YABU" when the OP raises an issue with the personal attack it's, what I'm out of order because I don't agree with you and think YABU?!?

No you're out of order by making assuptions about the OPs character. Why the need for name calling.

Mumsnet reinforces to me that the vast majority of people are completely vile.

To be fair some posts are so ridiculous. Agonising over whether a sip of alcohol is going to damage their unborn baby, stressing out because their husband sat on the sofa with his 'outside' clothes on, my stomach feels bit funny I'm so anxious I'm going to get ill and die, is it ok to sleep in this bed when I haven't washed the sheets for 24hours, someone in the supermarket stood next to me and on and on it goes. Tedious nonsense. I don't reply to them but when it is the 30th thread you have clicked on all written by people who you wonder how they even manage to get out of bed in the morning I can see why some people might just go stop being so fucking stupid. The helplessness in general on here is equally astonishing and irritating at times.

Yes there was one the other day where the OP said they had been gas lit by their husband and even though that was only a small part of the issue it was picked up on and argued over and over and over whether it was gas lighting or not. It was so pointless and irrelevant. Whether it was gas lighting or not the OP's OH didn't care about how she felt and tried to dismiss it.

Exa

Exactly. Here we go again. Why don't people just challenge where they see it as appropriate and report anything that breaks guidelines instead of starting threads about people not posting in the way they'd like?

@Chailatteplease I agree with you.

There's a lot of unnecessary hate.

I do like the blunt replies meant to help the OP, but some are just mean.

I agree OP. It's not nice to see the poster asking people to 'please be gentle' and then you get the MN brigade revelling in sticking the boot in. I think some posters just stalk the AIBU board to be horrible fuckers.

The things that annoy me are the selective feminists, misandry, ableism (in particular men with ASD) and class snobbery (perhaps if people got a better job).

But I detest the psuedo intellectual types who pick apart quotes for the sake of it, demand sources of information and hijackers of threads who go on about irrelevant things or pedantic rants. Was also a lot of these in the student room .

Oh and the humblebraggers

If you're going to ask posters to "please be gentle" you might as well consider posting on another part of MN in the first place.

Quite often "be gentle" means "I'm not prepared to take on board any post which differs from my point of view"

Yes maybe it's tediuos but people should not be hounded out so all the mean girls get to stay and rule the roost with their "robust replies" aka as downright rude and unpleasant.
You can say if you think somebody is being unreasonable without being rude or sarcastic. It's so easy sitting behind a keyboard but I doubt half of them would say it to my face irl.

Mumsnet is as reflective of society as any other social media site. You get nice people and not so nice people.

Yeah but some people do it in a “of course you are being unreasonable, how could you possibly think otherwise” kind of way 10 pages in when 99% of posters think OPs in the right.