To think lots of MN comments are unreasonable in themselves

[AllTheOtherNamesWereTaken]

I see this happen so much, what is wrong with everybody (well lots of posters) who's supposed to be providing help or support? Somebody posts with a problem and one tiny phrase gets picked apart, or one small relationship problem they're told to divorce or break up etc.

Just seen a thread posted by a mum with 5 week old baby and people are saying she's unreasonable for saying "my little family." She's full of happy hormones and I love to think of myself as having my own little family what so wrong with this.

Yesterday somebody posted because her DH earns x4 her salary and expects to her to spend as much of his birthday holiday as he did on her- instead of advice she got pummeled for mentioning the amounts, which yes are high but so what we all know lots of people make good money and we don't know how hard they've grafted and learned etc to be in that position.

Also last week I posted about wanting DH to be more involved with DS, it seems I got my tone wrong which wasn't ideal with lots of responses but one person called me abusive to him like WTF and I see this happen sometimes too when there are no abuse red flags at all.

YABU- I'm a grumpy angry person who's going to prove your point (come at me!)

YANBU- I see this too can can't we all just calm is down and be nice to people asking for help

mean girls 🙄

The only thing that gets me is when someone says clearly they just want to vent and posters wade in offering solutions the OP never asked for.

I think your first mistake is thinking everybody is supposed to post only to offer help and support

That's really not realistic.

People post their opinions more than posts of help and support.

An opinion isn't in itself an attack even if it's one someone doesn't like.

It's not just MN, it's the internet in general. People are much snarkier online than in real life. It's absolutely unnecessary.

It is real life, though, isn't it.

You might be anonymous but the person you're talking to is still a real person with real feelings. You can still be held to account for what you post.

There is a poster on here who I swear deliberately tries to kick things off. They'd argue water wasn't wet.

In fairness you posted about how your husband wasn't parenting how you wanted him to parent and got your arse handed to you because you said you kept interrupting him parenting your 15 month old and he didn't want to be with your DH when he saw you because you bf him. You need to leave him alone to find his own way

I think there's a lot like this tbh!

Think of it this way - people don't barge in front in the post office queue, because it's rude, but they push in in traffic queues or cut you up because they know they'll get away with it. People behave differently in different situations and whilst not condoning bad behaviour it's ridiculous to think that people will behave on an anonymous forum in the same way as they would as for example if they were a guest in your house - that's just daft.

I've read some horrible comments on a couple of threads where an OP is asking for some support. Some people just like to stick the boot in.

Perhaps so but it doesn't make it nice behaviour. Not sure why people find it so challenging to be kind.

This.

MN is a discussion site. It isn't here to be an echo chamber.

If you see some poor behaviour on a thread, then call it out on the thread, or report it to MNHQ. There is no need for poster after poster to ask this same question over again.
If everyone just patted the poster on the head on every thread - even the ones where they are being completely ridiculous - then their viewpoint or their behaviour or whatever it is about is condoned.

MN is a superb site because there are so many different people on here and people bring all sorts of different perspectives to any situation, which hopefully challenges any of our own 'echo chambers' in that naturally, the people close to us are generally "people like us". Too many people exist in very small worlds and the ability of people on here to be honest hopefully widens some perspectives.

If the cap fits!!

Not sure why people find it so challenging to be kind.
Well that totally depends on your definition of "kind"
Some people think it would be respectful disagreement, others (and I have seen this a lot) reject anything other than fawning agreement as "nasty".
I see just as many posters with an annoying belief that they are entitled to demand only answers (in a forum which invites a test of reasonableness) they approve of as the "nasty" ones.

AIBU doesn't exist to support your view (or mine) of the world.

I saw the holiday thread you referred to. So many bitchy responses.

The whole page was practically glowing green with jealousy!

Oh please yourself. I think anyone who talks about mean girls sounds about 6.

@ilovesooty Is Head Girls acceptable? A common insult used on MN.

They just sound like someone who was young around the time that film came out.

It's a great film.

So Andrew joined the rest of the family at a shooting party?
What fun! Gathering together to kill innocent wildlife.

There are a LOT of angry people out there. YABU to expect anything more than 1% of reasonable comments anywhere online

Agree with all this.

There are quite a lot of people on here who seem to live very fraught, highly-strung lives and/or struggle to gain a broader perspective on things. These OPs often respond to having that broader perspective pointed out with accusations of unpleasantness or unhelpfulness.

There are definitely the contrary ones who just want to put the boot in - I've been on the receiving end of it myself, in my various incarnations - but there are also OPs who just want an echo chamber, or who perhaps don't know what they want but soon discover that whatever it is, it's not a (however gentle) challenge to their view of the world.

Agree with both of these posts

What I fine funniest is that so many threads go on rants about how awful men are and toxic masculinity etc. Yet at the same time so many threads the op gets bullied and piled on by groups of posters who are predominantly female.

As much as I hate the moralistic sanctimony and classism, I've never seen even the nastiest female poster go for death and rape threats...something I did see on male dominated forums.

Yanbu

As much as I hate the moralistic sanctimony and classism, I've never seen even the nastiest female poster go for death and rape threats...something I did see on male dominated forums

oh ffs why do posters have to go to these extremes everytime this double standard is called on?? How many men are murderers and rapists that you know?

I meant general toxicity that is more common-men get bashed for doing this on mn whilst the irony is that the site is full of toxicity and bullying etc coming from women.