To think lots of MN comments are unreasonable in themselves

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I see this happen so much, what is wrong with everybody (well lots of posters) who's supposed to be providing help or support? Somebody posts with a problem and one tiny phrase gets picked apart, or one small relationship problem they're told to divorce or break up etc.

Just seen a thread posted by a mum with 5 week old baby and people are saying she's unreasonable for saying "my little family." She's full of happy hormones and I love to think of myself as having my own little family what so wrong with this.

Yesterday somebody posted because her DH earns x4 her salary and expects to her to spend as much of his birthday holiday as he did on her- instead of advice she got pummeled for mentioning the amounts, which yes are high but so what we all know lots of people make good money and we don't know how hard they've grafted and learned etc to be in that position.

Also last week I posted about wanting DH to be more involved with DS, it seems I got my tone wrong which wasn't ideal with lots of responses but one person called me abusive to him like WTF and I see this happen sometimes too when there are no abuse red flags at all.

YABU- I'm a grumpy angry person who's going to prove your point (come at me!)

YANBU- I see this too can can't we all just calm is down and be nice to people asking for help

I love how mentioning the death and rape threats I've seen and received is what you consider extreme and unreasonable.

I love how mentioning the death and rape threats I've seen and received is what you consider extreme and unreasonable

because vast majority posts about toxic male partners on mn are over trivial things are much less extreme things than murder and rape. It's a bit of a jump to go to murder and rape.

You think most of the bad relationship posts on here are about trivial things? You must be reading a different forum to me. And it's a forum made up mostly of straight women. You're going to see complaints about male partners. That's who's in the room.

You complain about women not being nice online, I'm going to tell you what I've seen men do. If you're more offended by my mentioning the threats than by the threats themselves - and clearly you are - then that just proves why we need female-centred spaces, even if they aren't paragons of virtue like women should supposedly be.

The amount of irrational and unnecessary responses on this forum are unreal! A working mother posted yesterday about how challenging it is to sort out children and leave the house looking presentable on time for work. The number of shocking responses accusing the OP of being thoughtless to childless women was mind blowing!!!

Why is no one allowed to point out some women's toxic behaviour without extreme male violence being brought into the conversation as if it's a reasonable comparison?

Should women never be held accountable for their actions ever as there's always a man who's done worse?

Why is no one allowed to point out some women's toxic behaviour without extreme male violence being brought into the conversation as if it's a reasonable comparison?
Should women never be held accountable for their actions ever as there's always a man who's done worse

exactly this. Women jump to the extremes men do every time on mn to excuse women being toxic. It's like oh they do much worse so we can do as we please.

You think most of the bad relationship posts on here are about trivial things? You must be reading a different forum to me

most of the threads are about men not pullling their weight in the house, staying out too late with friends, been irresponsible with cash etc. Not great things but certainly nowhere near murder or rape.

You haven't been reading if you don't think there are plenty plenty threads about violence and abuse, and you haven't been thinking if you don't see the wider connection between that and men who use women as brood mares and bangmaids.

But however little you read and think, Nicky, it doesn't matter because even when it does come to death and rape threats, the only thing that bothers you is a) women mentioning it and b) it detracts from your desire to bash women for not being perfect.

So what's the point of talking to you?

Thank you for admitting you have completely lost the argument in the only way you can articulate it. Nicky.

Because people like you remain more offended about us mentioning it than about it happening. If it's fine to talk about women being mean online, why is it not fine to talk about men being threatening?

Ha! I agree OP. There are some batshit comments. But every so often there is a gem of a response. One that you’d expect from the sister you never had. That’s what it feels like for me anyway. And it’s wading through replies to find responses like this. And the kindness from complete strangers that makes Mumsnet worth it despite the wind-ups

Because you're bringing it up in an attempt to shut down discussion on toxic behaviour from women. Like I said, can women never be held accountable as there's always a man who's done worse?

I'm bringing it up because as much as I dislike some parts of MN culture, I think it needs context. I've had some people be very abusive to me on here, but it's never reached the worst of what men have said to me online. Yes, women can be horrible online. I've never known anyone deny that. I don't see why "and the worst of men outdoes it" is an unacceptable development in the discourse.

If you're going to make gendered complaints about women, you should expect gendered complaints about men. It's a shame that you think you're being "shut down" just by being countered, but if you don't understand how debate works, I can't help you.

I will confess that I have dumped my bad mood, stress, whatever you want to call it on a thread. Not proud of it but I went back and apologised.

I'm not the only one.

Someone recently implied that I was lying about a conversation I had with my son because they didn't seem to believe that he really used a certain word during our chat. As a rule I try to never lie about anything, and this annoyed me. I hate the thought of even strangers on the Internet thinking I'm making stuff up.

I personally would never ask for advice on here, l trust my own judgement. But what l have found on MN is that the majority of posters are in victim mode and have no real intention of rectifying the problem. They are looking for sympathy, a quick fix, rather than a long term solution because that takes time, effort and a lot of work.
Considering how many so called feminists are on here it's ironic that so many are unable to make the simplest of decisions.
l only ever come on here briefly, it can be utterly depressing to see how some women actually live, the beliefs they cling to as well as the replies.

I'm all for challenging the status quo. I often post here rather than telling my friends as I think I'm less likely to hear what I want to hear. I am more than happy to hear other points of view. When I think a poster is BU I tell them in a respectful way. I don't use any sarky methods to humiliate the OP or make them feel stupid.

I actually remember posting on an AIBU on another parenting site about 7 years ago. I'd just had a baby and had had a very traumatic birth. The pile on I received was absolutely horrendous and yes, a group of Internet strangers' words on a forum devastated me and I went deeper into what ended up being PTSD.

Posters even went into other posts I had made previously and quoted me back to myself and one called me 'smug' over my traumatic birth. I remember going out for coffee with my husband after I made my post, and sitting in distressed silence as I read the replies. Part of my mental health conditions at the time was flitting between feelings, opinions, thoughts and it was really my brain's way of making sense of what had happened to me. It was awful. About a year later I messaged the ringleader of the onslaught and told her how it had affected me, which I can't believe I did now. It seems so pathetic now but that's where I was mentally at the time.

What's interesting is that there is a consensus that AIBU isn't for the faint hearted but its literally populated by a lot of pregnant or postpartum women who are sensitive, hormonal and vulnerable. I think it's always important to show grace even when giving someone the truth.

Considering how many so called feminists are on here it's ironic that so many are unable to make the simplest of decisions

I don't think this is linked to feminism though, both men and women struggle to make the simplest of decisions etc.

I don't use any sarky methods to humiliate the OP

it's an online anonymous forum, how on earth can somebody be humiliated?

YANBU

But I still don't know how to vote on MN! How do I do it??

You have posted in AIBU. Post elsewhere for sympathy and hugs.

Nawh you spoil sports for deleting my comment!

Snarkier & Braver.