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Original poster

To think my 4 year olds school has overreacted?

97 replies

throwaway202267 · 11/11/2022 17:38

Hi my DS4 has been on school lunches since September (reception class)
My Husband was called into the classroom at pickup and was sat down by the teacher to explain an incident.
My son had went to the salad bar after receiving his lunch and thanking the dinner nanny's. He chose whatever salad items he'd like and went and sat down. The salad bar nanny told the supervising teacher in the hall that my DS hasn't thanked her.
The teacher then went to my son and shouted at him and told him he has to thank. (I completely agree with manners and he normally always says his p's and q's). The teacher also said we will tell your mummy and daddy you didn't say Thankyou to the salad bar to which my son replied "that's okay". He's not afraid of us as parents, we don't smack or scream and with him being an only child it's quite a calm household. I don't think my son seen this as a threat and the fact he is only 4 year old.
This got him into more trouble and he was taken to his classroom teacher after he finished his lunch and wasn't allowed any playtime.
I think the school has massively over reacted and my normally happy son was upset about going to school this morning. I understand the need for schools to have discipline but I think this was taken too far.
Am I in the wrong to feel sorry for my son or were the school in the right?
I have explained to him he needs to thank every person who serves him parts of his lunch.

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 11/11/2022 17:45

It does possibly OTT, especially for a 4 year old who will usually just need reminders. Is it the full story? Is there any background that has led to them behaving in this way?

Topseyt123 · 11/11/2022 17:47

Does possibly sound OTT, that was meant to read.

upfucked · 11/11/2022 17:47

Is this your 4 year olds version of events? 4 year olds often say things like shouted when they mean said with a stern look on her face but they are unable to articulate that.

3peassuit · 11/11/2022 17:49

Unless there is something you haven’t included it sounds massively ott. All the dinner should have done was just remind your son to say thank you. There was no need for any drama over such a small thing.

Original poster
throwaway202267 · 11/11/2022 17:49

This is the story from my sons teacher. Everything at home has been the same as usual no big changes, sleeping well and his normal self. I'm not thinking my son can do no wrong and is an angel as all children can have off days but I don't think this warranted a shouting at/no playtime and a meeting with the teacher. We only had parents evening last week which went well.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 11/11/2022 17:50

The teacher sounds like a nasty bully to be honest about

Suedomin · 11/11/2022 17:50

It sounds very over the top.i have no idea why they made so much drama over such a tiny thing. I would be very annoyed if that is how it happened.

takealettermsjones · 11/11/2022 17:50

So the serving staff member left the rest of the lunch queue to wait, in order to find a teacher and report a four year old for one instance of not saying thank you?

Then the teacher actually shouted at the four year old (as opposed to just reminding/prompting him etc)?

Then the four year old had the composure to sit and listen to being shouted at (despite not having that experience before) and simply say "that's okay"?

All the while eating a salad he had chosen (a salad bar at 4!)?

🤔

SnarkyBag · 11/11/2022 17:51

not the point but I’m loving the idea of a salad bar nanny.

Muddywaters1 · 11/11/2022 17:53

Bloody hell. What do they do if a child ACTUALLY misbehaves? Seems like a hugely ott reaction to something that would barely register as an offence in any normal school....

Original poster
throwaway202267 · 11/11/2022 17:54

I don't know how to reply to a single comment on mobile app but it was a reception only lunchtime so the nanny wouldn't of had a hall full to serve. Also doubt many children actually use the salad bar, my son just loves carrots haha

OP posts:
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 11/11/2022 17:54

That's ridiculous and I'd have said that to the teacher

drkpl · 11/11/2022 17:55

I wouldn’t tolerate the school punishing such a young child for something so trivial. He should be given a reminder and the chance to say thank you, nothing else.

PicturesOfDogs · 11/11/2022 17:55

Massively OTT.

Shouting at a 4 year old is inherently more rude than a 4 year old forgetting to say thank you/mumbling it quietly

CSR721 · 11/11/2022 17:56

Absolutely ridiculous!!! I would have just bent down to the child and said please remember to say thank you next time. Completely bonkers overreaction.

Prescottdanni123 · 11/11/2022 17:57

The dinner lady actually went to the teacher to say that he hadn't said thank you?

Why didn't she just prompt him with a simple "What do you say?". So a four year old apparently forgot to say thank you. Shock horror. They often need reminders over things lake that at such a young age. It's hardly awful behaviour.

TurtleTriplets · 11/11/2022 17:57

I don't even know where to start with how weird all of this is!

Get your son some carrots to cheer him up. You get further with a carrot than a stick after all.

Softplayhooray · 11/11/2022 17:57

girlmom21 · 11/11/2022 17:50

The teacher sounds like a nasty bully to be honest about

Totally! Your poor kid, all that over not saying thanks (even if he didn't my God, he's only 4!!). No wonder he doesn't want to go back to the lunch hall!

Softplayhooray · 11/11/2022 17:58

TurtleTriplets · 11/11/2022 17:57

I don't even know where to start with how weird all of this is!

Get your son some carrots to cheer him up. You get further with a carrot than a stick after all.

Put the dad joke down and move away slowly!

DailyEnergyCrisis · 11/11/2022 17:58

This thread is making me feel like I’ve finally lost the plot and need to stop reading mumsnet.

PriamFarrl · 11/11/2022 17:59

I’m distracted by dinner nannies…

BAdopter · 11/11/2022 18:00

Sounds like something is missing from this story as it doesn't make sense and if its true then yes the school is ridiculous

Original poster
throwaway202267 · 11/11/2022 18:00

takealettermsjones · 11/11/2022 17:50

So the serving staff member left the rest of the lunch queue to wait, in order to find a teacher and report a four year old for one instance of not saying thank you?

Then the teacher actually shouted at the four year old (as opposed to just reminding/prompting him etc)?

Then the four year old had the composure to sit and listen to being shouted at (despite not having that experience before) and simply say "that's okay"?

All the while eating a salad he had chosen (a salad bar at 4!)?

🤔

The lunch staff member wouldn't of had to leave any child waiting. There is always a teacher on 'duty' in the dinner hall as was explained in the welcome meeting back in September.
My son is a quiet boy, he would of took the shouting from the teacher. I don't know what you would of expected him to do? Protest/shout back?
Also what is wrong with my son liking salad, thats normal and I'm glad his school offers it

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 11/11/2022 18:00

If this is their bar for punishment, I'd be looking elsewhere.

So the teacher actually said she raised her voice and shouted at a 4 yo who'd done nothing more than forget to say thank you, vs a four yo who muttered fuck you Salad Nanny as he walked away?

I can see the "that's okay" came across at back chat and a "ha, I don't care, my parents won't care" but again it just needed a conversation "oh so you think your parents will be happy you didn't thank Salad Nanny? No but Mommy doesn't yell, she'll just tell me to say sorry tomorrow" would have cleared it up.

Also lunch Nanny is just weird.

Muddywaters1 · 11/11/2022 18:01

Is this a uk state school? Or abroad? Or private?