To think my 4 year olds school has overreacted?

[throwaway202267]

Hi my DS4 has been on school lunches since September (reception class)
My Husband was called into the classroom at pickup and was sat down by the teacher to explain an incident.
My son had went to the salad bar after receiving his lunch and thanking the dinner nanny's. He chose whatever salad items he'd like and went and sat down. The salad bar nanny told the supervising teacher in the hall that my DS hasn't thanked her.
The teacher then went to my son and shouted at him and told him he has to thank. (I completely agree with manners and he normally always says his p's and q's). The teacher also said we will tell your mummy and daddy you didn't say Thankyou to the salad bar to which my son replied "that's okay". He's not afraid of us as parents, we don't smack or scream and with him being an only child it's quite a calm household. I don't think my son seen this as a threat and the fact he is only 4 year old.
This got him into more trouble and he was taken to his classroom teacher after he finished his lunch and wasn't allowed any playtime.
I think the school has massively over reacted and my normally happy son was upset about going to school this morning. I understand the need for schools to have discipline but I think this was taken too far.
Am I in the wrong to feel sorry for my son or were the school in the right?
I have explained to him he needs to thank every person who serves him parts of his lunch.

@takealettermsjones we have a deli bar (but no Deli Nanny) which has Salad, bread, pasta etc, which is accessible from reception age.

This is the story from my sons teacher.

@MrsTxx

The class teacher told you that the teacher in the lunch hall (teacher nanny?) shouted at your son?
Is she going to put in a complaint about it?

I live in Spain now but Ive worked with kids in different countries and expecting children to have memorised these social contract behaviours and get them right every time is too demanding. Personally, I dont care if a kid doesnt say please or thank you, as long as theyve said whatever theyve said in a polite manner. Its not about specific words, its about demeanour.

The teacher then went to my son and shouted at him and told him he has to thank.

No way did the teacher tell your husband they shouted at your son.

The teacher also said we will tell your mummy and daddy you didn't say Thankyou to the salad bar to which my son replied "that's okay".

And that ^^ probably came across as your son being cheeky to be fair, which was probably why he lost some playtime.

My 4 year old was shouted at in reception for taking a pudding and a fruit by the dinner lady - the teacher intervened and took my daughter to one side and explained it was either fruit or dessert and apologised for the dinner lady shouting/ she explained that my daughter looked older and some people sometimes get stressed or be a bit grumpy etc

the next day my innocent child said ‘how are you today? Are you feeling better today? Are you feeling less grumpy today?’
fortunately the dinner lady laughed

in this case given this is what the teacher has said

I would email the teacher - and say this is my recollection of our conversation
and quote your post

can I just ask you to read it and tell me if you agree

if this is the case and I ask for it to be referred to the headteacher as it seems an aggressive punishment for a 4 year old. Reminding a 4 year old politely about manners - fine - isolating them etc is a totally inappropriate heavy handed response

Have to say that I am finding the titles lunch nanny, dinner nanny and (particularly) salad nanny highly amusing. 🤣

Don't think that I would be able to take them seriously with such silly job titles. 🙄🤣

I can't imagine how a male member of staff might feel 😂

Even if that did come across as being cheeky, he's 4 and shouldn't lose his playtime.

A teacher should also be able to tell the difference between a cheeky child and an unconcerned child, and shouldn't be threatening a child with telling their parents because their liaison with parents shouldn't always be a bad thing.

What should they do when a four year old point blank refuses to do as they're told then?

Salad Bar Nanny sounds like a great name for a band

@BagOfBollocks they should have an age appropriate punishment that doesn't involve missing out on fresh air and exercise

a four yo who muttered fuck you Salad Nanny as he walked away?

I can't stop laughing at "fuck you Salad Nanny"

The classroom actually told you that your son had been ‘shouted at’ by the teacher in the hall? Really? I actually find that very hard to believe.

It sounds like they said to your son that he should have thanked the serving staff (dinner nanny??!), and he gave rather a ride reply.

Don’t the British have the phrase, “What do you say?” Middle class and up parents and teachers say this constantly. A prompt to say thanks and a reminder about please and thank you to him in a calm tone would have been better.

A few minutes missed in the playground is very appropriate imo.

It's not their only source of fresh air and exercise.

And yeah, no way would a teacher say the child was shouted at.

That came from the child I reckon.

Dinner nanny? Salad bar nanny?

Not a thing.

Yeah, here in the working classes the kids just say ‘fuck you’ to the egg chips and beans nanny.

School is out of order in my opinion. YANBU. I would have been furious with the school.

I presume this isn’t a uk school though - if it happened as you’ve been told I’d be making a formal complaint.

So the teacher said "a teacher shouted at the child" and "he didn't get any playtime?"

Is there a Dessert and Custard Nanny? And a Drinks Nanny? 🤣

What's a lunch nanny.....like a dinner lady?

Totally OTT. Are the dinner nanny’s all nanny age?