Leave 16yr old to party while we're away overnight?

[Lors72]

16yr old SS wants to have a group of friends in our backyard pub on a Saturday night. Numbers not clear.
SS asked knowing we're away on an overnight & in response to
us asking SS to come watch the dogs as we're away until following day.
I've said NO. Husband said YES. He tends to never refuse his kids requests.
But no adults present for a group of teens in a pub & empty house for 24hrs not on.
Am I being mean?

Your DSS is not an idiot, he knows his dad always says yes and you are a tougher nut to crack. It's understandable that a 16 y.o. will go to the soft parent bypassing the difficult one.

Don't allow it. I allowed unsupervised parties at home with both my oldest when they were the same age and never had a problem. Until I did the same with my youngest, and as as they say, I repented in leisure.

What was supposed to be a quiet party of 4 best buddies at home, ended up being a drama of parents calling me early on a Sunday because their kids had not returned home and were not answering calls. My son eventually answered after about 200 calls to say everyone was fine and hung up on me. Fortunately we were not too far away and made it home in less than hour. To say I was shocked when I opened the door, it's an understatement. Empty bottles and food everywhere, vomit on both bathrooms and one poor soul had confused a walking wardrobe with a toilet leaving a poo in the carpet. I counted 12 bodies instead of 4. I still have nightmares remembering the whole fiasco.

I learned a lesson that day. Some teenagers can't have parties at home unsupervised. They will always find a friend who is old enough to supply alcohol and another bunch of friends to join having a good time.

My friend's sixteen year old went to a party a couple of weeks ago.

Despite being a parent there it got out of hand and hundreds of kids turned up. The police were called!

I meant if it was a games room not stocked with alcohol.

DS just has four friends over and the house is clean, all furniture in place, washing up done, rubbish taken out, when I come home.

And.......

Our neighbours did this frequently- it was so bad we almost moved house (our kids were toddlers at the time and one has sleep problems so it was a huge stress). They continued into their twenties with parties till 4am during lockdown. Our neighbour to neighbour relationship has never recovered.

My 16 year old must have been really sensible then, no damage, no police called and the house was reasonably tidy when we returned. I had threatened all their lives before we left. 😬 Lots of bottles in the recycling but they all survived, as did the house.

OP, YANBU. It would be a hard no from me.

A few years ago friend of mine left her teenage son for the weekend with instructions no one round. He went to the pub/club, invited people back & randoms turned up with weapons & stole expensive watches & jewellery!

And this was in the days before social media & news spreading like wildfire!

Absolutely bloody not!

Although some posters have said it was all fine you can't guarantee it. And IME it's generally not fine. I still have the mental scars from helping a friend host her 16 year olds party and we were there!

You are not going to enjoy being away either whilst imagining the carnage back home.

And now I have seen there are 3 of them - that has even more potential to backfire.

Age has no bearing on it either - even now I won't let my 20yr old have a party whilst I am away. I speak from bitter experience.

Definitely not the ESM . Your DH needs to set some boundaries and not pander to every request.

No no no no no! Utter madness to agree to this! My darling DD's 'small gathering' ended up with her money & phone being stolen, vomit stains all over the carpets, every drop of alcohol in the house drunk and the neighbours complaining as some guests enjoyed a game of 'flick the cigarette butt onto the roof of the car next door'. You need to show your DH this thread!

No way! My teens have had parties but we’ve either been here (17th was the first, we went out at start to eat then stayed in bedroom) - or come back at some point even if it’s at midnight There’s been puke and blood (from dropped bottle then the person staggered to the downstairs loo wiping blood as he went!).
At some parties they’ve been broken windows, furniture etc.
There's always weed and possibly worse.

Er no - leaving them in a pub? Presumably with access to all the alcohol? I wouldn't leave DS who's 16 on his own overnight - and certainly wouldn't allow a party!!

Let them do it then come back here upon your return for a full debrief and photos, please and thank you.

Oh dear. Your DH is very naive. We stayed in for our DS’s 27th - good job. No gatecrashers but alcohol consumption became a problem and let’s say I was cleaning up the downstairs loo of vomit while DH drove the mates home. If we had been away things could have got problematic.

17th not 27th!!

So, what is the latest? Has your dh agreed to tell his ds it's not happening?

Omg this is a nightmare for you. You continue to say no and be ESM or let it happen and have your house wrecked.

Maybe get your husband to watch a few DrPepper adverts? As basically it will absolutely definitely get out of hand. Your kids might appear sensible but I guarantee you their friends aren't. And the friends of friends who found out about the party in the garden pub with NO parents are definitely not sensible.

Stay strong, "it's a no from me". It is your house and garden too.

Do not do this. A dick of a parent let their 16yr old DS do this recently.

By 10pm there were 3 police cars outside and loads of poor 15 and 16yrs olds puking in the street.

No way would I have left a 16yo alone to have a party at my house. A neighbour went off for a weekend and left her sensible 16 yo DS at home on his own (the other younger DS was staying with friends). Older DS had some friends round to revise and then it turned into a party followed quickly by gatecrashers. Word gets around like wildfire. I hope your DH has reconsidered. Even if he trusts his DS you can't underestimate how this is like a magnet for gatecrashers.

We have left DS home alone a couple of times.

Last time - for various reasons- I did not want friends staying. So I told all the neighbours we'd be away- I'm in a street book club so that was easy to do - and told DS that we'd done that.

It should be possible to leave a 16 year old alone - particularly if a relative is going to check up on him. Tell him he either doesn't get to stay, or is only allowed to stay by himself and your relative will be checking up on him.

Next door left their 18 yr old son to have a party. Word spread on FB and 60 kids turned up. Police arrived at 10pm. House, garden and street were a mess.

I’d say no. Unless you can trust him I’d say no one stays, if you think he’s mature and responsible let him have a couple of mates over for pizza and then they leave by midnight.

This would be what may happen.

Your husband sounds like an idiot.

Noooooo!!!

I read the title and thought " ffs lighten up!"

But then I saw it was in a pub!

To much temptation, to much risk to SS, his friends, and can I assume the license above your door is your livelihood? ( did I spell that right? I dunno. ) So they take one step in that bar area and your hubby has just sanctioned an underage lock in!! 😂😂😂😂

Jesus. I can't imagine the state of me the morning after my 16 year old self spent the night in an empty pub with my mates, and I'm not going to even start on the trouble my then batshit mates would have got me into!

Noo you can't put him in that position at 16, and if your husband does, then please don't blame that kid for anything that comes of it.