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Original poster

Partner said something and I feel upset..am I over reacting.

117 replies

Hereigo89 · 11/11/2022 00:16

I have a 5 month old baby with my partner. He found the newborn stage very hard and when she was 3 weeks old be basically had a breakdown and told me how hard he was finding it and he was worried he had lost all his freedom. It sounds silly writing it down but he couldn't cope with the sleep deprivation. We worked through this and things have been great. We were chatting this eve about how hard the newborn stage is as her sleep has been all over the place right now. He said that he was glad he could tell me how he felt when she was a newborn because if he had kept it bottled up then he could have ended up cheating on me. Obviously I got my back up about this and said so if times get hard then you will cheat? He said I took it the wrong way and thats he's basically saying that people cheat because they can't communicate. I just can't shake this niggle feeling now that if things get tough ..which they do once in a while especially when you have kids together...that he will start looking elsewhere. Or am I over reacting?

OP posts:
ToFindNewWays · 11/11/2022 00:21

No you’re not overreacting at all. He’s telling you who he is: someone who feels entitled to cheat on you when the stress levels are, in his opinion, too high.

He’s shockingly thick if he can’t understand the connection you’re making.

You could have replied, yeah your behaviour was so pathetically selfish I was just about ready to fuck the postman. Phew, you pulled it back in time!

Sorry OP. He sounds feeble minded and selfish.

Tsort · 11/11/2022 00:21

He said that he was glad he could tell me how he felt when she was a newborn because if he had kept it bottled up then he could have ended up cheating on me.

What the actual fuck? What’s the correlation between these two things in his mind? Keeping things bottled up would somehow lead to him putting his penis In someone else? How? Please get me from Point A to Point B, here.

Also, EVERYONE finds the newborn stage hard. It IS hard. Did you find it easy? No, but you got on with it. Yet he somehow got to opt out because he was stressed?

You have had a child with an arsehole. My sympathies.

Original poster
Hereigo89 · 11/11/2022 00:23

Thanks for your replies both. It has shocked me. He's always been so anti cheating. It's made me look at him in a different way. The newborn stage isn't supposed to be easy. Your supposed to work through it as a couple. I just have this sinking feeling in my stomach now.

OP posts:
Tsort · 11/11/2022 00:23

he couldn't cope with the sleep deprivation

But, somehow, magically, you could. Convenient that.

This post has made me so angry on your behalf!

JestersTear · 11/11/2022 00:26

He said that he was glad he could tell me how he felt when she was a newborn because if he had kept it bottled up then... [it would have been really tough and he might have felt isolated]

This 👆 is an ok thing for him to say.

...he could have ended up cheating on me.

This* *👆is SO far from ok that I don't even have the words. What a dickhead.

ToFindNewWays · 11/11/2022 00:26

Yes I don’t blame you OP. He’s literally told you you can’t trust him.

Original poster
Hereigo89 · 11/11/2022 00:29

I've been with him for 4 years and honestly right now I am contemplating ending it. I know this is a slight over reaction because I'm hormonal and exhausted due to going through a sleep regression with her. But I feel that now..if times do get hard then he will think cheating on me is OK. Ah I can't explain.. I'm just sitting here with the baby sleeping on my chest and my mind won't shut off.

OP posts:
emptythelitterbox · 11/11/2022 00:35

I'd be done with him if that's how he'd solve a problem or deal with stress is to stick his dick in someone else.
The first thing he'd think of to do.
And yes he meant it or he wouldn't have said it.

RamblinRosie · 11/11/2022 00:40

“Could have ended up cheating on me “ ? Or did?
That’s either a threat or a confession…

”He’d lost all his freedom” what about your freedom? With a 3 week old, presumably you weren’t going out clubbing every night.

So, if things get tough he’s already given himself permission to cheat?

Personally, my trust would be seriously damaged.

MaybeNotThisYear · 11/11/2022 00:41

Very strange thing to say. It almost sounds... like a warning? Not a threatening type of warning, but a "If you aren't supportive and communicate in aa way I like and give me what I need emotionally this is where my head will go..."

I would ask him about this element of it, maybe he will be able to reassure you in some way?

Aquamarine1029 · 11/11/2022 00:44

He sounds like a useless, weak dickhead all the way round, honestly. It's very, very telling that his mind goes straight to cheating when times get tough. I'd be wondering if he already has.

Ponoka7 · 11/11/2022 00:45

I also think that something has gone on. I'd be waiting for at least messages to come to light.

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 11/11/2022 00:45

I'd be so sleep deprived that I'd... have the time to find, woo and screw another woman. I'm struggling to join the dots here??

ScarierThanBoo · 11/11/2022 00:48

He sounds like a wanker. No normal person goes through the perfectly standard ups and downs of life and thinks "Ooh I could cheat now!" when everything isnt perfect.

ElmoNeedsThePotty · 11/11/2022 00:49

I'm willing to be bet that this isn't the only thing that is giving you doubts either OP.

Maybe this has just opened your eyes to the true nature of this Prince of a man?

EmmaLouu · 11/11/2022 00:51

What an incredibly strange comment to make. Sorry OP but I think he’s a bit of a dick.

You might be ‘hormonal’, as you say but if it got your back up, your gut is telling you something for a reason. Also, the gaslighting of you ‘taking it the wrong way’, is outrageous. You’re just calling a spade, a spade.

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 11/11/2022 01:03

What an absolute prick.

'i found the newborn stage so hard that I contemplated sticking my cock in another woman'

Stupid wanker.

I would honestly have lost all respect. Even if he thought it, don't say it to your wife who has just bore your child ffs.

I don't think I've ever felt so angry and reviled by a post.

Piece of shit wanker.

Weatherwax13 · 11/11/2022 01:08

Whoa. I'd take that as a threat. Wants you to fear asking him to do "too much" in case he's so sleep deprived he trips up and lands dick first in someone. What a tosser.

Pixiedust1234 · 11/11/2022 01:12

Hereigo89 · 11/11/2022 00:16

I have a 5 month old baby with my partner. He found the newborn stage very hard and when she was 3 weeks old be basically had a breakdown and told me how hard he was finding it and he was worried he had lost all his freedom. It sounds silly writing it down but he couldn't cope with the sleep deprivation. We worked through this and things have been great. We were chatting this eve about how hard the newborn stage is as her sleep has been all over the place right now. He said that he was glad he could tell me how he felt when she was a newborn because if he had kept it bottled up then he could have ended up cheating on me. Obviously I got my back up about this and said so if times get hard then you will cheat? He said I took it the wrong way and thats he's basically saying that people cheat because they can't communicate. I just can't shake this niggle feeling now that if things get tough ..which they do once in a while especially when you have kids together...that he will start looking elsewhere. Or am I over reacting?

worried he had lost all his freedom.
he could have ended up cheating on me.

^^
Nothing to do with sleep deprivation. Its all about not being tied down to a wife and child. I'm so sorry OP. I think tiredness made his mask slip... This is the real him. Take care of yourself now you know

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/11/2022 01:12

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 11/11/2022 00:45

I'd be so sleep deprived that I'd... have the time to find, woo and screw another woman. I'm struggling to join the dots here??

This. When you're on your knees with exhaustion you don't think that.

It's a confession or a warning.

Pixiedust1234 · 11/11/2022 01:13

Ugh sorry, didn't mean to keep the quote.

No, you are not over reacting

PurpleFlower1983 · 11/11/2022 01:20

Sounds like a confession! And he may look back when it gets tougher and think the newborn stage wasn’t as bad as all that!

Thatskindafun · 11/11/2022 01:24

So if he wants to opt out of future parenting that he apparently can’t cope with
and you don’t facilitate that
then he’s free to cheat right? Because he’s warned you now that’s what will happen

fallfallfall · 11/11/2022 01:47

Having an affair/cheating is not a stress relief. It’s a foot out the door to another child free life.
his comments are idiotic. all the lies, covering your tracks I assume is exhausting. not
to mention time consuming.

Thareexpectedto · 11/11/2022 01:52

Tsort · 11/11/2022 00:23

he couldn't cope with the sleep deprivation

But, somehow, magically, you could. Convenient that.

This post has made me so angry on your behalf!

And the sleep deprivation obviously wasn’t that bad if he would have had enough energy to conduct an affair. I wonder if OP would’ve had the nervy and inclination to start an affair if she’d felt communicating with her partner was difficult when they had a newborn or if her sleep deprivation would’ve prevented that - I don’t have to wonder too long!