Hello all! Long time lurker first time poster!!
We are having an issue with my MIL and Christmas presents. I’ve been with my husband 9 years married for 2. Ever since we got engaged my MIL has insisted on buying me a gift for Christmas. Lovely idea and in the past she’s gotten me gorgeous scarves, or a really fancy umbrella which I love and use regularly. I’ve always bought her a gift too.
Now my DH is the eldest son of three. And his parents are divorced 5 years now. Every Christmas since the separation MIL sends him and his brothers lists of what she wants for Christmas. I’m talking €100+ for gifts from her sons. His middle brother is in Uni and working part time living away from home so doesn’t have much cash and his youngest brother has just started an Apprenticeship. So money really isn’t free flowing for them!!
Last year we bought our first home at the start of December and my FIL put down all our floors for us and did tiling the works. He refused payment for it once we bought the materials which as you can imagine saved us a fortune! He has a particular Dior fragrance he likes but didn’t want to ask for as it was €120 to buy but we bought it and some extras for him to say thank you for all the hard work.
Anyway, last year MIL came along with her usual list with the usual price tag and when my DH said no it was too expensive and we were scaling back she kicked up because she somehow found out about what we had bought FIL. My husband pointed out to her that he had done a lot of work for us for no charge and it was the least we could do. She was angry about it. (We did but her a gift but a smaller version which came in on our budget)
This year I wasn’t interested in getting bogged down in the drama again and there was an offer on for her perfume so I bought it. She also has a birthday the end of this month and I bought her a necklace from the Jewellers that she likes. Again, this falls within our budget.
So, now she has said she will give us the list for Christmas and DH has told her we are nearly finished Christmas shopping and that her gifts for both Birthday and Christmas are got already. She is not happy because she knows it will be less than her usual wanted price range.
Just as an aside to this, ever since we got married she has changed her attitude to me completely. I’ve been cropped out of my own wedding pictures, ignored, my weight commented on and my cooking skills questioned. She views my career as less than my husbands. Also the gifts she gives me now at Christmas are trinkets she finds in Charity Shops or a set of wine glasses she used to own in her house. (Complete with dust on box)
My DH is excellent at shutting her down and telling her how rude she is being but it doesn’t stop her. It’s almost like she views me now as competition.
So this year as well as getting her presents before the list. DH has told her in no uncertain terms that if she’s buying a gift, get one for the two of us to benefit from. (Something like a nice chopping board for the kitchen. Nothing more than €30) She said she would think about it but I know she is going to come at me with trinkets again!!
Would it be awful of me to not accept them this year? I’m just fed up with being a second class citizen to my own MIL!
That was longer than I thought it would be!! Thank you if you have managed to stick with me!!