If your partner was arranging to meet an ex for sex

[Changerofthename1]

That’s probably never in 1 million years going to happen due to so much water under the Bridge but that’s not the point he’s asking and he’s trying to arrange it.

Would you really want to know ?

I don't these replies at all, has Mumsnet fallen into the upside down? You all seem to be saying that she shouldn't tell the ex that her husband is trying to cheat because that knowledge will break up the family and... Make the children sad? I don't get this, usual MN consensus is that it's bad for children to be raised in a household where the mum is treated like garbage by a cheating husband.

OP, it's obvious that you don't like this woman so you are not thinking about it from a point of view of empathy and whether she would actually like to know. You should either wash your hands of the whole situation and stay out of it, or tell her in a straightforward and drama free way, making clear this is your one communication because you thought she would like to know, then not engage further.

One thing I don't get is - did you give birth and then instantly move? Why? Did the kids go with you? Why didn't he? It sounds weird that you were 'geographically out of the way' with an eight week year old baby, but were still with the dad.

@AnyFucker my children are actually sheltered from any bombs he cant / won’t get near them.

@DarkShade Visa issues which meant that my children have the right to remain in a country that I didn’t so they had to come back with me whilst I issue was being resolved. I took the kids but I had my house, my car, my job, everything waiting for me for my return which should’ve happened within six months. And whilst I completely appreciate she did not steal his sperm and he was not held at gunpoint she made the decision to bring a baby into that situation knowing Damm well that if the baby hadn’t come along I would be returning to resume my life with him. Now of course I’m happier as a result of not being with a lying cheating scumbag. However I didn’t know he was a lying and cheating scumbag at the time. And even in the event that he was a lying cheating scumbag until her baby was thrown into the mix I had every intention of returning to my home where we could’ve coparented but because of that child being born it didn’t happen.

My belief although I have no evidence of it to be fair this is the she wouldn’t allow him to coparent once her baby was in the mix.

Any time you spend with this guy still in your headspace is time robbed from your children

Move onwards and upwards. Dragging yourself down to his level will not make you feel better the long run.

I see, that makes sense! So you and children now live in a different country to him?

I think your anger is misdirected. She got pregnant and decided to keep it, as is her right. He is the one you should be furious with. It has nothing to do with her baby. He chose to cheat and he chose to leave you for another woman while you were away. He probably told her you had taken the kids and left him.

And you could have gone back to coparent had you wanted to, although I too would have chosen to stay in my country over co-parenting abroad with a cheating ex. That also is nothing to do with the baby. A woman is not in the position to "not allow" a man to coparent. Think about it. Is there any man on this planet who could "not allow" you to see your children? I know that there isn't for me. There isn't a person in the universe who could tell me I can't see my children. Your ex is a scumbag who cheats and doesn't care about his kids, all your anger should be at him, rather than the new girlfriend's kids.

@DarkShade of course it’s directed at him with a diluted version directed at her as I said very clearly at the beginning of the post they are the innocent parties in all this but I don’t particularly feel the need to protect them from their own parents actions. I didn’t expect it to be this way to be honest but it was always gonna bite them on the arse.

i’m very aware that one day these four children are gonna meet the reason nothing that any of us can do to prevent that in this world of social media and I’ll track each other down.

I guess the question does still remain though take the kids out of it would you want to know ? I don’t know it’s a tricky one I’ve been on the other side of the coin as well. I’ve been the twat sat at home washing the pants, doing the ironing while he was basically laughing at me, by he I don’t mean this one.

Is it revenge you want? As if so isn't true revenge allowing her to live without the knowledge you have, and for her, to continue to wash the pants? If the motive is for her wellbeing then tell her. He's wasting her time.

@Daisy1245 that is a good point I actually don’t give a fuck about her well-being and if she catches chlamydia from him well so be it.

On the off chance that this is real, I would block and forget him without taking any further action.
You sound just as bad by facilitating him.

So when shes the side piece its not her fault its all him … when i am, in theory. I’m just as bad. Interesting.

Na if she’s the bad one, let her suffer living even longer with the cheat 😅

I would threaten him with the evidence. Tell him to fuck off, keep it in his pants and be a decent dad to one of his sets of children or if you hear of him doing otherwise, you'll send her the screenshots.

This is all a bit Jeremy Kyle. How can you live with so much destructive drama?! This can't be good for the children involved.

I dont “live with it”. I moved everyone 12,000 miles away from the drama

You say she’s a cow and horrid to you, and yes was with your partner weeks after you gave birth.

but do you know what sort of things he was feeding her about you? Think about it. Why does she have reason to hate you? I can guarantee he was telling all sorts of crap about how badly you treated him, how you were over well before you actually knew you were. It’s textbook.
She probably thinks you’re some abusive crazy loon who made his life hell, because that’s what he would have told her.
just like he’s telling you now all sorts about her.
it’s a game to him.

Tell her and send the screenshots. He’s the one blowing up another set of kids lives. not you, and not her.

You both sound vile.

Do we really 🙄

So he resumed contact after a couple of years by liking a fb post then suddenly
Wham! Here's me in my pants

Stop encouraging his bullshit and leave them to it

You moved everyone 12,000 miles away from the drama? How's that going?

All I can find here is three adults, one of them in his underpants, all of who are behaving like daft teenagers. You have children of your own to focus on, redirect all this interest and energy to what matters. If you can't, maybe get some real life help to assist you to work why you're so interested in what your ex and his new partner are doing/not doing.

Every minute you spend on f@cking other people's situation up rather than bettering your own situation is a minute wasted.

All I can find here is three adults, one of them in his underpants
😂😂😂

That did make me laugh too I must admit.

i’ve left hom on unread whilst I mull all this over.