If your partner was arranging to meet an ex for sex

[Changerofthename1]

That’s probably never in 1 million years going to happen due to so much water under the Bridge but that’s not the point he’s asking and he’s trying to arrange it.

Would you really want to know ?

Unfortunately @Changerofthename1 I thoroughly dislike your whole attitude towards this. You do seem to be getting pleasure out of the attention he is paying to you, and I also have the impression that you enjoy having this (potential/power) over not just your ex, but his present partner, and their poor children.

However, in my opinion, your by far worst trait is that you don't actually care whether his children with the other woman get hurt in the process of anything you might say or do to cause your ex pain. In a reply to a PP you said 'that is the dilema', but NO it isn't, there is no dilema there. It is extremely sad that your DC had to go through such a painful experience (and that they may always bear some level of disquiet over it); but how that makes you think that because your children have had to suffer it makes it OK for ANY other child to have to suffer the same thing, is totally inexplicable to me.

Of course I love my own DC and DGC more than any other child, but that does not mean that I can bear the thought of any other child suffering - if I had it in my power to stop any child from suffering, then I would do it. If I knew that an action of mine would cause another child to suffer, without it having any bad effects on my own children, then I still wouldn't do it, surely no right minded adult would?

A real dilema would be if I knew that one child had to be hurt, either mine to a certain extent, or another child to an even worse extent, that to me would be a dilema, and one that I couldn't answer here, as there would be too many variables to take into account - my hoped for answer would be that I could take the pain so that neither child had to. If you even acknowledge my post OP, I won't be surprised if you cannot understand my opinions on this at all.

No - their dad fucked HER.

Quite probably while telling her outrageous lies about your character, morals, & his "reasons" for having to ditch you & take up with her. He will have painted you as a vengeful harpy who he nobly stood by until he could resist OW's fecundity charms no longer, & simply had to put you aside so he could have her ...

You said she's not bright - she'll have believed whatever bullshit he threw at her.

@Whatthefuck3456 last laugh & 2 young kids expense. All class.

Not sure how you go from zero contact with your kids for 2 years to sexting their mum. Not without encouragement anyway.

Has he asked about seeing the children?

@Changerofthename1 usually I'm
all for telling the wronged person, but there are exceptions. IMO this is one of those exceptions. She won't benefit from knowing, she won't kick him
out & make her & the kids lives better. It'll probably cause a horrible atmosphere & arguing for the little kids to have to be scared by.

the kids are the only ones who will suffer.

He might get bad enough that he wants revenge, he might upset your kids.

she might cause you a lot if upset trouble & it might upset your kids.

I can see why you'd like to tell her. I would like to as well, but the momentary bit of satisfaction wouldn't make up for the potential drama that might upset your kids.

I know she didn't think of your kids, that doesn't mean you can't be the bigger person & think about 2 small kids. Poor little buggers already have those two shit heads as parents, isn't that bad enough??

Tell him to fuck off then stop giving him head space.

And anyone capable of putting a wash on can do their own grundies, no need to get involved in someone else's skiddies regardless of where their genitals end up of an evening.

Because if we assume that she got pregnant the first time they ever had sex then she liked my daughter‘s birth announcement and the photograph of my son being carried in one hand and my daughter in the car seat in the other out of the hospital by him and then eight weeks later fucked their dad.

So she’s a bad person because 8 weeks after he left you they had sex?

How long do you think he should have waited before having sex with someone else?

@CarefreeMe so I don’t think any of us believe that she got pregnant the first time they had sex do we ? And he hadn’t left me at that point. Actually I left him but she was pregnant with their first son before he and I had broken up.

so I don’t think any of us believe that she got pregnant the first time they had sex do we ? And he hadn’t left me at that point. Actually I left him but she was pregnant with their first son before he and I had broken up.

But it doesn’t really matter how soon they started having sex.

He was the one who was in a relationship with you and he was the one who was (and still is) in the wrong.

He was/is obviously bullshitting to her about you too.

I don’t understand why you 2 women are fighting over a man who sounds absolutely vile.

I'd ignore him and I wouldn't bother telling her. He knows you've told her before and she didn't get rid of him, so he likely won't be concerned. He'll love the ego boost and attention from the drama though. I would want to know if my partner was a piece of shit, but obviously she's sticking by him. It's horrible that your motivation is to try to inflict the same shit storm on their children. Focus on your children and your happiness, not the lot of them.

You told her about it the first time and she didn't believe you, or more likely did but chose to turn a blind eye. I'm sure it would be the same again.

Your only reason for wanting to tell her is to get one over on her and to break up their home, as you are jealous that her children have a dad in their lives and yours don't. These are not good reasons.

If you can't let the past go and move on you're going to live a miserable, bitter life.

I felt for you until you said “why should her children grow up in a happy home”.
someone who is happy to damage children , isn’t a nice person.

Hes damaging his children, nobody else. I can choose not to, but is that my decision to make. 81% of the vote says not.

@CarefreeMe nobody’s fighting over him, outside of his imagination i dont want him, from what hes said of their sex life shes not that bothered either if half of its true.

I would want the evidence.

you probably aren’t the only one he is trying to cheat with. She deserves to know because he is endangering her health.

Exactly.
you sound like where you lost control of him when he left you , you are trying to gain co tell back by deciding whether or not to damage his kids.
That’s YOUR choice.

Or he could keep it in his pants and Id have nothing to tell. Its on him not me.

She brought them into this situation. It was always going to be a shit show

but why should her children grow up in a happy home with their father when my kids have been cut off completely, who’s doing that is I dont know.

It would be better to view it as "why should she and her children grow up in a foundation based on lies" but it boils down to the same conclusion: yes you should tell her.

Yeah you are fighting.
You're playing the Pick Me Dance by even engaging in this shitstorm.

Just tell him to fuck off, install some co-parenting software for if he ever bothers to talk to you abouy DC contact, & block him everywhere else.

HE made this situation happen.

If he'd kept it in his pants she wouldn't have these DC you are obsessing over.

You’re enjoying this too much, your bitterness shines through.

I wouldn't tell her and I wouldn't engage with him on any communications that didn't involve arrangements to see the children. Any interference from you will be interpreted as bitterness by her. I think if you're very honest with yourself, you'll see you left the door open to him to "go there" because of unresolved bitterness against his current partner. He's not a quality partner to any woman, and thinking about him/them is not healthy for you. Wash your hands of them entirely. Get out of WhatsApp groups with him. He has your number if he ever wants to arrange to see his children.

Up to you but I'd tell her. I'd want to know.

I find it hard to understand a grown woman putting her need to settle a score before the happiness of innocent children. She'll find out soon enough he's a first class arsehole without you getting involved.

nobody thought of them. 😐

Maybe you could think of your kids and go for damage limitation. Stay away from him. Throwing another bomb into your kids lives does not mitigate the 1st one.