5 people have raised ADHD with me

[PetitP]

And I'm getting a bit fed up with it. My son is 4 (was 3 a week ago). He is incredibly active, won't stop talking, won't stop running, but will listen when I talk to him and can focus for long periods of time. 2 people at one of his hobbies, and 3 other parents have mentioned him having ADHD traits to me and it is starting to irritate me. I asked both of his nurseries what they thought and they have both said they don't see anything that makes them think ADHD and that he's just very 'busy'. He is well behaved, he's just got SO MUCH ENERGY. AIBU to think that a lot of people have no idea what ADHD actually is? And to also think it's rude to tell someone you don't know very well that their child might have ADHD? Or am I being a bit sensitive here? My brother has ADHD and really struggles with it, so I am incredibly sympathetic and know a bit about it, as of course I grew up with him. He was diagnosed as an adult. Just annoying that so many people think they have to label things as neurodiverse without realising that children are different to one another.

OP my 10 year old as the same. He was later diagnosed with Autism at 5 and ADHD at 6. He can also focus for long periods of time on things he is interested in, could build Lego models aimed at 11 plus years at 7, was doing P5 level maths in P2 and omg his energy levels are ridiculous. He wouldn’t and couldn’t sleep unless he was absolutely burnt out physically, mentally and emotionally. He now gets melatonin to help him sleep that his paediatrician prescribed. It really didn’t become obvious till he was nearly 5 and heading to school though there was signs earlier by 6 it’s all his peers had grown out of those types of behaviours and he was still demonstrating them.

OP I think you need to keep an open mind about this. It’s very unusual for 5 different people to wonder if your child has ADHD and ask so his behaviour must be quite noticeable. Also plenty of children with are well behaved. I was one of those kids with adhd who was well behaved at home and in school.

Someone on here mentioned that the earlier adhd is diagnosed the more support you can get with learning executive function - what kind of support is this and how can it be improved? Desperate to help my ds (while sitting on the camhs waiting list) with his executive function skills as I would say it is his main struggle!

Citation then?

And no, ADHD & Autism aren't the same but they are closely linked and often present together.

So how does a brain with ADHD suddenly not have ADHD?

I kept making excuses for him saying "he's just like me, this is what I do/did/cope/find difficult etc"

This is usually the difficulty.

Working in a school we meet parents with the same traits as their children and they assume everyone is the same.

They don’t see the issue. We can only suggest - but all too often the parents don’t want to hear.

This leads to children being more difficult in school, they are removed from classes so others can learn, and then they fall behind because they can’t focus and engage in lessons.

Keep an open mind and listen to professionals. I see some lovely children who cope well and some lovely children who struggle. A lot of ADHD children are wonderful. Others just need more support than is available because schools can’t apply for funding without diagnosis.

I don't think it is bizarrely irrelevant to the point I was actually making (rather than the one you seem to think I was making), and I don't see the need to be insulting to me when I've not insulted you. And quite nasty towards the imaginary son you've created for me, too.

ADHD is brain-based. The brain changes as it matures, just as the lungs change as they mature.

It's entirely possible that growing out of ADHD is a thing that happens.

It's also entirely possible that it isn't a thing that happens.

I didn't and don't take any position on that. My point was that taking the concept of growing out of ADHD as some kind of insult is unhelpful. It's not a moral question, it's a scientific one.

I was a single parent and I felt everyone was judging me for every damn thing I did or didn't do. I found it exhausting . My eldest son was just like yours. No one suggested ADHD but that was what it was. I think they felt I had enough on my plate without adding that in. He is 30 this year. He has ADHD. He always did. I was a teacher. I knew deep down that he did, I just couldn't deal with it because of everything else. Don't dismiss what people are telling you.

schools can’t apply for funding without diagnosis.

This is absolutely not true. It is something some schools claim to justify their failure to support children with SEND. EHCN assessment is based on need, not diagnosis. We have several children in my school who have 1:1 TA support and other bespoke provision funded by EHCP's who do not have a diagnosis, but there is significant evidence of their high level of needs. Some have suspected neuro-divergance, some suspected early trauma and attachment needs, either way they will sit on CAMHS waiting lists for years before a diagnosis happens which is why provision is based on need, not diagnosis.

It's entirely up to you how to feel and there's every chance these people are wrong. But just looking at it from another angle, the 'label' you fear being applied is a really useful life-changing tool for people who do have a condition, get it diagnosed and can get the appropriate interventions for improving their life. Not saying that applies to your son but in general it's a good thing to have a condition acknowledged. And if he's not in any way neurodiverse then being screened or whatever will confirm that, surely? Absolutely your right to ignore them if you see fit but seems a shame to outright dismiss the possibility of something that might help you all. Teachers thought my son might be dyslexic so we agreed to have him screened. He's not, but better to know.

Why do you think your child having ADHD would be a judgement on you?

I have it; my parents didn’t create it through bad parenting.

For what it’s worth, it makes me who I am and I’m proud. I’ve worked hard on strategies to cope with organisation and I get a real
kick out of achieving this. I have levels of enthusiasm for life that my friends envy- there are upsides!!

I've never had support with ds other than medication - there are a lot of webinars and YouTube stuff out there and I think you really just need to follow it all yourself. (Avoid most of tiktok though). Dr Hallowell on YouTube is good.

Op Neurodiversity is a strength. Anyone who’s done anything in history has been neurodivergent.

You sound a little defensive to me, it sounds like you don’t want your ds to be and so he isn’t in your mind.

I've been recently diagnosed (age 38) this self discovery for me has been very beneficial. I play more to my strengths now, I’m kinder to myself and I love my ‘hyper focus’.

@FurryDandelionSeekingMissile my apologies, I didn't realise there were two of you spouting unevidenced rubbish. I thought you were the denial parent. Instead you just deny others with no skin in the game. Bravo.

What are you on about 😂 I haven't said anything unevidenced and I haven't denied anyone. I've said that I don't think it's helpful to add a moral dimension to the concept of growing out of a condition (and pointed to asthma as an example of a condition where people manage to discuss the possibility of growing out of it without any qualms about whether it's insulting). That's not an evidence thing, that's an opinion thing. Go back and read what I actually typed, not what you perceived through your red mist, if you don't believe me.

I read what you said originally. It is not worth reading again. Got a very high opinion of yourself.

@Willyoujustbequiet
Erm no, many don't grow out of it. Please read the entirety of this article https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/childhood-adhd/growing-out-of-adhd

Past research suggested up to half grow out of it, but that research was flawed and has been superseded by more recent findings. As for your consultant - sadly it's not unheard of for clinicians to be out of date. Various GPs and psychologists treated my dd for GAD missing the symptoms of ADHD for years.

ADHD symptoms can reduce as an adult - partly because the medication improves neuro plasticity and partly because people learn strategies to manage their condition

Ah indeed
every thing I said has been rendered irrelevant and incorrect because I did not know the etymology of a word

From that link "only about 9% of children got over or seemed to permanently outgrow their ADHD"

If you say so? I thought it was a good point, but okay, in the bin it goes

‘You were doing so well until’ is a very patronising and dismissive way to word things @FurryDandelionSeekingMissile

drawing links to what I said and eugenics is very sensationalist given you can see clearly that was not my meaning or the modern typical usage of the word.
you also didn’t actually provide me with the issue until someone else asked, making your rude comment also unhelpful, and simply criticism rather than advice.
perhaps you didn’t mean it to come across that way. Perhaps you did. It’s very draining to deal with the negativity of mumsnet so I’m going to remove myself from the conversation regardless.

I think a lot of 4 year old boys have the typical adhd signs which don’t become an adhd diagnosis later. However, I wouldn’t make comments to another parent that their child might have adhd. It’s simply none of their business.

Oh come on @Pumpkindoodles

Saying “moron” truly is offensive although there was nothing in the rest of your genuinely helpful post to suggest you knew that. It’s fair enough for someone to light-heartedly patronise you if you are sufficiently lacking in awareness to use a term like that on a thread about neurodiversity! Would you rather they tore a strip off you straight away and assumed you knew better and were using it with malice?

just own it. You didn’t know it was a dodgy word but it is. All the high horse, “I shall remove myself because you were dismissive of me using a horrible term” is very silly

schools can’t apply for funding without diagnosis.

Support in schools and funding is based on needs, not diagnosis.

Yeah adhd is a neurological condition. You don't grow out of it. You learn coping mechanisms or mask

If 5 different people on separate occasions had said something to me it'd make me stop and think tbh. Just because he doesn't look like your db doesn't mean he doesn't have it. It presents differently in different people.

And fyi our nursery staff swore blind there was nothing wrong with DS. He's got infantile autism.

Braaten published by Harvard.

The longest running study (Klein) reported a DSM criteria persistance rate of only 22% (rising to 32 using a looser criteria)

Richard Barkley study found between 14 - 50% resolution by ages 21 to 27.

People can argue percentages all they want but all the leading institutions and experts readily acknowledge that some children will indeed no longer have ADHD in adulthood.

It is absolutely a myth that all kids grow out of it. Many experience debilitating symptoms their entire lives. I would argue that the majority likely continue.

However, it has been proven beyond doubt insofar as we are ever able to prove such things that some children outgrow ADHD and its absolutely disingenuous for anyone to deny this given the weight of evidence freely available to them.