5 people have raised ADHD with me

[PetitP]

And I'm getting a bit fed up with it. My son is 4 (was 3 a week ago). He is incredibly active, won't stop talking, won't stop running, but will listen when I talk to him and can focus for long periods of time. 2 people at one of his hobbies, and 3 other parents have mentioned him having ADHD traits to me and it is starting to irritate me. I asked both of his nurseries what they thought and they have both said they don't see anything that makes them think ADHD and that he's just very 'busy'. He is well behaved, he's just got SO MUCH ENERGY. AIBU to think that a lot of people have no idea what ADHD actually is? And to also think it's rude to tell someone you don't know very well that their child might have ADHD? Or am I being a bit sensitive here? My brother has ADHD and really struggles with it, so I am incredibly sympathetic and know a bit about it, as of course I grew up with him. He was diagnosed as an adult. Just annoying that so many people think they have to label things as neurodiverse without realising that children are different to one another.

@FurryDandelionSeekingMissile Thank you. I had no idea.

Several people asked if my daughter was autistic when she was young. I didn’t think so, so said no, she is just anxious. Now in Year 9, after years of having anxiety, she has been diagnosed with autism. The people who mentioned it recognised small things I didn’t. Not to say that is the case with your son, but they probably think they are being helpful.

I think it’s a very private observation to make about someone else’s child but with so many having made that connection, I would take it seriously and look into it. Especially with genetic link.
I understand your op could be upsetting to read if your child has ADHD. I grew up with a brother who has schizophrenia and later in life developed psychosis. As much as I will fiercely defend my brother to anyone who dares criticise him (he didn’t choose this condition), it IS hard work and it WAS horrific at times to grow up in such a family. If my kids showed traits of these mental health conditions it would hugely upset me BECAUSE I’ve seen and experienced the reality of it.

Aside from anything else, your brothers experience with ADHD is just that, HIS experience.

There are many types, and everyone presents differently.

If you are happy that your son doesn't have ADHD (and honestly, I wouldn't trust school/nursery) you just need to start telling people that!

I guess in their own way, they think they are helping...

I have inattentive ADHD diagnosed in very late adulthood.
It would have helped enormously to have had a diagnosis and be taken seriously and possibly medicated, but sadly when I was a child no one used strategies, girls went diagnosed and were labelled as lazy slatterns etc.
There's a genetic link and my brother was diagnosed because boys presenting with hyperactive ADHD were diagnosed in those days. Although he received very little help in those days so I'm not sure how much use it was.
In your situation I'd certainly have it on my radar. If he has it sadly teachers and nursery assistants have very little training in identifying and even treating it so parents often have to self refer.
If he doesn't have it nt children benefit from the strategies anyway so no harm done whilst waiting for confirmation or not by implementing it.
There is more help and understanding than previously but you do need to be so proactive in researching, advocating and pushing for your child, so ignoring concerns isn't beneficial because the current system are more than happy to write difficulties off as behavioural choices of the child, when intervention could have better academic and personal outcomes for them.
The general public have a very shallow understanding of ADHD to be honest, so there's not a huge likelihood they've spotted it anymore than you have, but at the same time, I wouldn't dismiss it because they are nearly as uniformed as those in educational settings. It shouldn't be a stigma, but sadly there's a tendency to write it off as attention seeking or bad behaviour excuse but you really have to get over that because I am telling you, as an adult who was blamed for not quite being able to cope at times, the damage done from being told it was my fault is far greater than the knowledge that I am different. I function well enough that I masked for thirty plus years, but the cost to my self esteem was huge and some of my life choices which negatively effected my life may have been different had I known it was my ADHD fueling them.

Adhd isnt a mental health condition. Its a neurological disorder.

Many children grow out of it for want of a better term.

Mine youngest was like this. I’m afraid I got a huge trampoline with a net for the garden and put him in an hour before school every day (didn’t have neighbours at the time) it saved me as it was exhausting. He is still up every day at 6 and still busy. When he becomes more independent it’s fine hours playing with Lego etc but I feel your pain

Many children grow out of it for want of a better term
They don't grow out of it. They either develop strategies and learn to function at a greater level and cost to their energy and mental health than others, or they mask until something causes a breakdown and they can no longer do so.

It means your brain works differently and that is something that you have for life.

Thank you for being interested

People are either nosy or mean well. I wouldn't be offended OP. I get a lot of comments about my sons energy levels and also did about his brother, but the elder brother is fine. He was just being a toddler. I would go with the nursery's view as they will have seen a lot of children with additional needs. Other people have kids with different personalities and judge against that.

However, I'm at a point now when there is clearly something going on with my son, but it is hard to pinpoint what it is as some days he doesn't seem to have the symptoms of many learning disabilities and other times he does. I had the opposite and everyone telling me I was being too anxious! He definitely has a severe SLD and undersensitive sensory processing issues, but some days I think he is hyperactive (he will run and run unless watching music on TV) and other times there are autism traits. It is difficult to know, so I'm leaving it to the experts, which is in the pipeline. I think he might be one of those kids who will have quite complex needs. I'm only just getting my head around it and instead of being frustrated i'm trying to work out how to get the best out of him so he enjoys life. He is definitely not ready for school next year though.

This could be my sister, probably not as sure there are loads in the same situation but she makes excuses for her just gone 4 year old. I don't know what else to say and it does make it hard seeing her as much now when I have my kids with me. She is struggling with him but won't accept any help so have to stop trying for a bit.

Our consultant when dc was diagnosed used the term so I"m happy to accept his opinion.

People can also freely google the relevant academic studies. As they develop many children are no longer affected/experience symptons so many do indeed grow out of it.

@PetitP hope you come back to your thread as there's some good answers.

Then they didn't have it in the first place.
They didn't switch brains. I imagine what your consultant means is that they were either misdiagnosed or have used strategies well so it doesn't effect them. That doesn't mean that's a permanent state, and could change at any time.
Using they have grown out of it is a bit insulting because it implies those that don't aren't trying hard enough to 'be mature'.

Many do not indeed "grow out of it"... it's a neurological condition and cannot be grown out of.

My dd has autism, she is in a really good place right now because we have worked for YEARS on how to "fit into" a world that isn't built for her. Not because she is growing out of it. Currently she isn't affected by her deficits/symptoms (her terminology) but that doesn't mean it's going away.

It means she is coping. She will also have days when she isn't coping. Not being affected by "symptoms" doesn't = no longer ADHD.

Consultants can be wrong too. Our state's top paed told me dd wasn't autistic.

ADHD children become ADHD adults.

No he didnt mean that. He diagnosed it and went on to say there was a high probability he would grow out of it as many do.

Hes a well respected, published, head consultant psych so if he says many kids grow out of it then many kids do.

But the academic literature on the subject also supports this. The leading studies quote different figures some saying 50%, some 40% but even the most conservative figure acknowledges that a minimum of 10 -15% completely outgrow it with no symptoms whatsoever and over 30% would no longer obtain a diagnosis as symptoms are only residual. Given the substantial numbers affected then signifcant numbers do indeed outgrow it based on the research figures.

We can argue figures till the cows come home but its semantics as the academics all acknowledge some do grow out of it and that is the crux.

Adhd is not lifelong for some. Its common sense that if our brains dont fully develop until our mid 20s then its perfectly possible they grow out of it.

As there is no other way to diagnose ADHD other than tickboxing symptoms those studies are flawed because clearly children that 'grow out of it' could have just been diagnosed.

Your consultant sounds like an idiot.

Misdiagnosed

Adhd is not autism and the academics and research studies disagree with you. People are freely able to google them.

Many continue to experience it into adulthood but its not lifelong for some and the research supports this.

Spot on!

You're clutching at straws now.

What's the most likely to be correct.....an eminent consultant in the field backed up by all the leading academics saying one thing or you claiming another?

Denial is a river in Egypt and all that. I wont engage further there is no point.

Using they have grown out of it is a bit insulting because it implies those that don't aren't trying hard enough to 'be mature'.

I was told I might grow out of my asthma but I didn't, not completely. I'm not offended by the idea that some children with asthma grow out of it, though. Whether or not ADHD is one of those conditions, there's no value judgement in the idea that some children grow out of some conditions while others don't. Bringing that kind of moral dimension into it just muddies the question, which should be a purely scientific one (even though it's difficult to measure scientifically).

What a surprise.
Asthma, being a non neurological condition is bizarrely irrelevant.
Good luck with the inevitable burn out your son will face by your denial.

I agree with this!

Also the spotlight does seem to be on ADHD at the moment, I’ve heard loads of people talking about it and just in the past couple of weeks I’ve listed to a radio feature about women being diagnosed as adults and read a magazine article about ADHD. As a result it seems to be more at the forefront of people’s minds. Before this I think it was anxiety which was most commonly spoken about.

He is incredibly active, won't stop talking, won't stop running, but will listen when I talk to him and can focus for long periods of time.

Id keep an eye on this OP. I have the hyper-focus form of ADHD and wasn’t diagnosed until I was almost 40. Not all ADHD is the inattentive, cannot focus sort. So do not expect ADHD to only look like your brothers ADHD. The hyper-focus type also means inability to stop, always active and doing something, can listen well at times, but also has hyper-focus. Hyper-focus is being so engrossed in one task that you can literally work on it for hours on end, even forgetting to eat or go to sleep. When this happens, I average 16hrs straight with no break. My record is 40hrs with toilet breaks/snacks brought to me.