To say no to MIL?

[Goingforplatinum]

MIL has never offered to have DD2.4 over night, which although is fine and her choice, It's a sore subject as she used to have DSD all the time and still would, but we have told her she can't have one and not the other as its not fair.
As we live a fair bit away from MIL she doesn't really know DDs likes and dislikes, personality or much about her.

So DH comes home last night to say MIL now wants DSD and DD for over night stays once a month.
Now whilst I would love some time to myself, whenever DD has slept ot sister In laws, or when she used to sleep at my sisters she was a nightmare for around 4 days following (bad behaviour and sleepless nights), so to have the one night of a break just seems counter productive.

DD has never been a good sleeper, but I've been working on it and she will now sleep most nights from 7 - 7 with no wakes after 11 and I really don't want to mess all this up, which I fear having an over night stay will do.

I've told this to DH and said MIL is more then welcome to stay at our house, but he doesn't agree and said it will upset MIL and that I'm just been ungrateful and I should never moan again I need a break.

AIBU for saying no?

She has gone from staying with her GM EVERY weekend, to None! Yes there is a compromise there op just wont see it down to 'fairness' for all we know the DSD may prefer to be with her GM than her Father, it doesnt actually sound like he has done much parenting, then gets a new wife and lets her call the shots for an easy life.

I feel increadiby sorry for that poor girl, a disinterested set of parents who palmed her off every weekend to go out drinking, a step mum who has taken away the only constant in her life and a new sibling that the op describes as like a tornado from the minute she gets up to the minute she goes to sleep

How old is DSD? What a horrible thing to do - stop her visits with her Grandma. I am very surprised that your H agreed to this as it doesn't seem in the child's best interests.

Why on earth can't DSD go and stay once a month with her Grandma?

I have two children and i never expected them to be a 'job lot' with any of their Grandparents. It is a very special bond between a Grandparent and sometimes if one child is more 'demanding' then it is nice to have that one-on-one time separately.

Both my parents have recently died and all 8 of their Grandchildren have such special memories which doesnt have to include seeing them with their siblings or not at all.

Exactly this - it is disgusting!

The most unreasonable MIL post i have ever read.

Mil cant have dsd as she wont take dd. Mil says i will take dd and dsd over night, not acceptable as dd wont settle.

I would day that the first couple of times either you or dh should go and stay with mil and the kids so dd is settled there and you are comfortable.

Try it for one night and see what happens. Otherwise you are being unreasonable.

So she can’t have dsd without having dd, despite her having dsd prior to dsd arriving ???
BUT, you won’t allow her to have Dd?

yes you are being entirely unreasonable.
A, by initially stopping dsd staying with her Grandmother full stop
B, by saying she can’t stay without dd then not allowing dd to go anyway
C, by saying MIL can sleepover at yours.
MIL did raise your DH you know - who surely must be a very patient man.