Not sure whether to be a sahm or not

[Flowerpicker1]

Had 2 under 2. My maternity leave is now coming to an end following the birth of my 2nd dc. Neither dc are in nursery. DH is on a good wage.

Have been given the option not to return to work if I don't want to. Dh can cover us. It would be part not full time anyway.3 days.

Not sure what to do. On one hand I'd love to be there for all of my dcs childhood but on the other I worry if I would cope. We don't have any family or support nearby.

If you work would you rather be a sahm and not put your children in nursery? Or have you done this and loved it/regretted it?

These threads are always the same, the only negative impact on kids is shit parents or unhappy ones. Working doesn’t negatively impact kids unless working makes you unhappy and shitty at home. Staying home doesn’t negatively impact kids unless it means there is an unhappy parent, a shitty parent, or a poor financial situation . Being the poor kid is never a positive. Poor but happy is a myth. It’s stressful and shit

so again, it’s not about working or not working, it’d about working together as a family unit and remembering parenting is a life long commitment. And building a better future Is part of that.

I got made redundant when pregnant with my 2nd child. I fell pregnant again when they were about 4 months old. I never wanted to go back to work and never did. That was nearly 17 years ago.

I don’t regret it but am now looking for part time work just 2 or 3 days a week because I’d like to meet new people.

I have to dispute the stuff about SAHMs being a being poor role model for kids/not showing work ethic etc.

My mother was a SAHP. She never worked during our childhoods. Despite this terrible example, she raised two doctors, a lawyer and a financial analyst

@MiniTheMinx Since you are in the thick of it, have you done a study of whether those dcs had parents who worked outside the house or had a SAHP?

If not, then what is your point?

there was no father? You think all the credit is the mothers and not the child come adult? I had shit parents, I’m senior in a professional role. The credit for my achievements is not theirs. Just like the credit for my daughters is not mine,

@Topgub hope you find peace for whatever it is that ails you.

I did not say, nor suggest any of what is in your post. Don't put words in my mouth, cheers.

Huh? I even quoted your post where you said exactly that?

@Labraradabrador

So much for thinking its just about individual choices huh

@DixonD Before anyone says anything, it absolutely is different for fathers. They are not affected by maternal hormones. It drives your emotions. You can’t compare the two.

I am a woman. I disagree as I am sure many others will on this thread. Hormones don't drive my emotions. That's drivel and designed to put women in our place.

Speak for yourself.

For me the ideal was working 2-3 days when I had very young children. I really valued the time away from just being mum and a chance to use my brain. It meant I really valued my time with them when I had it too and think I was a better mum for it as I could put my all into it. Everyone’s perspective will be different but personally working p/t and having a bit of time away but not too much was the right balance.

@blueshoes

Me either

But men do produce hormones.

And the more direct parenting they do, the more they produce

Wtf?

I said that all the credit is my mother's and not mine/ours?

Wtaf did I say EXACTLY that?

My post says what it says. It is MY experience. It is NOT yours.

And 'there was no father'? No. He died before I even revised for one single exam.

Fucks sake.

It seems strange that for examples of success you chose people who career-wise were the antithesis of your mother's choices. Is it that women are successful if they facilitate others' conventional successes? What if you or your siblings ended up being a SAHP. Would that be a bad thing?

I 'chose' people? What does that mean?

I am a SAHP. So there we go.

Not a chance in hell I'd be a sahm if I had my time over.

Screwed financially, pension shit. Lack of sense of self, the housekeeper, the drudge. Lack of power balance.

I became a shadow of myself.
It is wonderful 10% of the time & mind numbing my fucking boring and drudgery the rest of the time.

No. No. No.

Oh and word to the wise. It's NOT one parents job/salary to pay nursery etc - it's a joint expense.

Took a year off when each DC was born and worked part time between. Worked full time from youngest age 2 but condensed to 4 days per week. Don’t regret it in the slightest. Hubby did the same so we managed to juggle childcare with only a little help. Never felt like I missed anything.

Ah, you did not chose yourself as an example of success. Alright then.

Wtf? I was one of the 'successes' as YOU call it. I then became a SAHP.

Whatever your agenda is here, I have no idea.

Why are some posters really angry towards the SAHMs?

If they enjoy it and see benefits to their babies/kids then that’s fine? Why argue?

Why are some posters really angry towards working parents?

Talking about the situation from a another perspective - ie a baby's - is not being angry at working parents. In these threads it's always women talking about "what's best for me..,"

Have you managed to interview a baby? Amazing.

Fgs