To think exchanging ‘token’ gifts is a huge waste of money

[Butterflyfluff]

Mainly Christmas gifts but could be birthday too.

I honestly don’t see the point in exchanging ‘token’ gifts

Especially if you have no idea what they’d actually like so have to guess anyway

There must be so much waste from doing this

E.g. I try to use reusable things for environmental reasons. Except people get wind of this and all of a sudden you've been given 10 versions of reusable thermal coffee mugs/flasks for Xmas. That's not actually thoughtful at all, it's just lazy

Nobody needs that many, and having more than you need defeats the eco purpose.

So even if what you're buying is theoretically 'useful', you still need to ask yourself - is the recipient likely to already have one? If so, is it something they need multiples of? If not (as in the case of the umbrella and the reusable coffee cup), don't buy it.

Exactly this! 😂

Agree 100%, I hate 'for the sake of it' presents. The same people every year who are difficult to buy for and end up getting the same bottle of alcohol/different coloured T-shirt/ gift set because you 'have to get them something'. The only good thing to come out of this cost of living thing - we had a big chat and decided as an extended family of 13 to not buy for everyone and do a secret Santa and everyone has a wish list. Makes the shopping so much easier, less crap bought and people that actually get something they want than the waste that sits unused in a cupboard or to the bin/charity immediately

The same people every year who are difficult to buy for and end up getting the same bottle of alcohol/different coloured T-shirt/ gift set because you 'have to get them something'.

Totally agree.

It’s the repetiviness and scale which causes the problem.

As a genuine one off, it’s probably possible to come up with something very thoughtful.

But doing it every year, potentially for Christmas and birthdays, then factoring in groups of people all doing the same thing, so multiple presents being exchanged - it’s virtually impossible to avoid pointless gifts,

It is interesting that the vote has remained just under 90% in favour and the comments are pretty much aligned to that too.

It really does imply that for every group of 5 people involved in this kind of gift exchange, 4 think it’s pointless.

It seems a real shame the minority seem to ‘guilt’ the majority into doing this

It seems a real shame the minority seem to ‘guilt’ the majority into doing this

Hoper you warmed up well before this massive stretch.

Not sure it’s that massive a stretch?

Turn it around then - if nearly 90% of people think it’s pointless, why do so many people engage in it still?

Or is it only the ones who already don’t do it that have responded?

There’s been several comments from posters who would like to opt out of such activity but have been guilted into carrying on

I work in retail and the amount of crap people are queuing to buy for the sake of it is making me itch. After Christmas there will be a queues of ungrateful people trying to return stuff that their extended family bought for them (many without a receipt) because it's rude to ask for it apparently, but not rude to blame the person working for not being able to comply with their request!
All for the photo opportunity of a large pile of wrapped presents I suspect? Less is more.
If the person is difficult to buy for give them a voucher they can spend on the stuff they like (at half the price after Christmas) club together in large families and buy the thing that person would really want (whilst giving them a receipt to change size etc) one person one thoughtful present. Someone on here said about a group of 8 friends agreeing instead of buying token presents of a tenner, they all would pick a name out of hat and spend £50 on that one person.? Great 👍 and much less stress all round. Alternatively just buy for the kids

After Christmas there will be a queues of ungrateful people trying to return stuff

It's not ungrateful to not want generic gifts that you wouldn't buy yourself.

People have voted YABU because they think it's possible to give small, thoughtful presents, as they've explained. They're not saying that you ought to feel obliged to buy people tat, or anything at all for that matter.

What's more, plenty of people on this thread seem to be exchanging pointless, thoughtless gifts which they resent with other people who also resent it. Who is guilting whom in that scenario?

Why not just agree not to do it rather than blaming others?

They haven't been guilted into carrying on by the people who voted YABU 😂

Why not just agree not to do it rather than blaming others?

I would love to NUPP out of presents and just buy for kids. Unfortunately we're the only ones who want to and the only ones with kids!! I think lowering expectations and spending quality time, not cash, is the way forward.

Surely you just have the conversation though? I can't imagine being close enough to someone to buy them presents without openly saying "we've set a budget of £x for each other - is there a specific type of thing you're hoping for, or would you rather just stop it?"

In fact, this has now reminded me of a few years back when loads of people were hoping for a Christmas lockdown because they couldn't just set boundaries around not wanting to host 30+ people for yet another year.

So clearly IABU because it appears loads of people just don't do honest conversations with their loved ones!

I've had the conversation with family about stopping presents. Those who enjoy it claim that they love doing it, it would take all the fun out of Xmas if we didn't etc.. and I end up being dragged into doing it.

When I said "Okay, but let's stick to 1 present each and keep it simple", they agreed. Then I looked stingy on Xmas day because I stuck to that, and the others didn't.

It's the people who either love buying tat or are convinced their presents are thoughtful and essential who pressure everyone else into continuing.

For the posters who think Yabu - the generic waste of money presents arise out of buying for someone you don’t know well enough to buy something thoughtful for.

I love finding gifts that are unique to the person I’m giving to - as it makes the whole point of it so much more worthwhile.

But when you don’t know x person well enough but are buying them a reciprocal present bcos despite setting boundaries & suggesting to give the money to charity or to just do cards - they as buyers & givers of generic tat, like buying & giving generic tat!

So you look v ride if you don’t reciprocate! But can’t get something especially unique to them as you don’t know their taste hence candles, booze, lotions, potions yawn yawn yawn.

Annoyingly, if you agree to keep presents minimal, it's the people who keep to the agreement who end up looking stingy /rude, and the people who break the agreement who look generous.

I can't personally see the excitement of opening a pair of grey jogging bottoms, black leggings or a bathbomb and a facemask on Christmas day but at least they'll get used as long as the size is correct..the nan that bought them struggled to get into town and bought multiples (heavy load to get home and wrap) some Nana's etc bought bargains from the January before as pressies, so the receipts completely invalid and potentially unfashionable..so likely to be binned! A false economy...just say no to presents! spend time with your elders, listen to their stories and write them down..or encourage them to do so...best gift ever

It's the people who either love buying tat or are convinced their presents are thoughtful and essential who pressure everyone else into continuing.

That pretty much sums it up!

They don't last forever, are easily lost/broken. It can be nice to have eg. A big golf style one and a lightweight folding one for different purposes, maybe an extra one to leave in the car or in your work bag.

If you don't need one when it is bought pop it in a drawer and save it until the current one breaks.

I think they are a pretty sensible present as long as you don't buy one every year! But if you know someone is more of a hood person a brolly might not be a great present.

My partner told their family that we weren't doing presents this year, I think my SIL is a bit annoyed about that, my partner spends about the same as SIL does on things the SIL knows about because they ask for them, I'm just thinking what's the point in getting annoyed about it, this year, just buy what you want yourself then and we can stop this charade.

Anything I want or need, I buy myself, I'm happy to not receive presents, doesn't phase me; even less so if it's stuff I don't need or particularly want.

YANBU We decided a few years ago to stop doing 'gifts for the sake of it'. At Christmas most of my family have agreed not to buy presents for adults and to buy the DC something suggested by their parents (or cash/vouchers for the teens as they love going shopping for things that are their own taste). We buy my parents a selection of cheeses from an amazing shop near to us (they know this, so don't cheese at Christmas themselves and we always add in an unusual cheese for them to taste as a bit of a surprise- they love cheese).

MIL however refuses to join in- she says she likes something to open and likes to see us open presents too. We've suggested a day out together etc instead of gifts, which she is happy to do but then buys gifts too. She counts how many presents she buys for each of us to make sure that DH, I, and the DC each have the same number of packages to open. Every single year, between us we will receive hat/scarf/glove sets x 4, shower gel sets x4, several random items with our names on (key rings, very small purses, mugs etc), several fridge magnets/wall hangings with a vomit inducing/mildly misogynistic slogan (eg. Daddy's little princess/messy little boy's room/Mum loves prosecco etc), 2 x multi tools (for the males), several make-up/nail sets, fluffy socks (several sizes too small- we all have huge feet), novelty plastic items, 2 x annuals (usually for TV shows/film franchises etc that we have never shown any interest in), Christmas themed cups/beakers, bath bombs, makeup bags with slogans on, hand towels that don't match any other items (often with Xmas pictures on), T shirts with quotes from TV shows that are popular (but not ones we watch- the year we all received love island quote T shirts was a corker), hand bag charms (had to look that one up!), comedy books (ie books with humorous quotes/pictures, not actual comedy novels), plus a selection of chocolates and sweets. We have tried suggesting things we actually like but she just buys that plus the above. I know it comes from a good place but it feels so pointless when I know that she's spent loads on it all and none of it will be used. I'd genuinely rather she gave the money to a food bank or other charity of her choice.

I think you might be my SIL! 😂