To think exchanging ‘token’ gifts is a huge waste of money

[Butterflyfluff]

Mainly Christmas gifts but could be birthday too.

I honestly don’t see the point in exchanging ‘token’ gifts

Especially if you have no idea what they’d actually like so have to guess anyway

There must be so much waste from doing this

she'd put money in to my account which I'd end up frittering away on bills

Bills are essential to pay! That's not what 'frittering' means!

Agreed but my mum wants to treat me to something nice, not pay my bills!

I think that's obviously fine and not what the thread is about. It's more 'I'll give you this crappy soap set and you give me this hot chocolate mug and we've both wasted £8 on things we don't really want".

Ooh no I love the token gifts we get because it's the way we get nice nibbly things we'd never splurge on ourselves.

We seem to have a tradition set up with BILs, every year they get us some fancy alcoholic chocolates that we can justify not sharing with the kids, and in return we get them their favourite fudge that they don't want to pay the £5 delivery charge for. Win win.

Not sure why ‘token gifts’ need to be any more wasteful than wildly OTT expensive ‘luxury’ gifts?

Amongst my family and friends token gifts are nice things that we KNOW will be appreciated / needed / used. A good novel (good condition from Oxfam bookshop) bulbs to plant (£1.89) a bottle of wine, a thermal vest, lovely but not expensive gloves, a cinema voucher, a small jar of stem ginger, 2 bars of Green and Blacks, a tin of Harissa Paste are all examples of things that have suited the recipient and of modest cost.

Why assume that cheap / token equals crap tat?

Exactly this.

Yep agree. My daughter got £10 in a birthday card from someone she doesn't know well, and immediately said 'what's the point of that? Now I'll just put it in another birthday card and give it back to her next month'.
And all these threads on 'I've got 20 presents to buy £15 max spend'. Ugh! If you have to do gifts and all these people know each other, pull a name out and give that person one decent gift. And I do NOT need another 3 for 2 Boots soap and body lotion combo!!

I agree.

Expensive gifts can also be tat. Cheap gifts don't have to be.

Why would anyone bother doing this? Youre guaranteed to be wasting money on things that arent really relevant or personal to the recipient.

I'd rather get nothing than get a cheap hot chocolate set. The chocolate is always cheap and nasty, and I don't need the novelty mug.

A box of biscuits, a bottle of wine, a pair of nice socks, a bowl of spring bulbs, a bar of posh soap - all token gifts which I'd be very happy to receive and use gratefully.
Novelties, jokes or toys, not so much, though sometimes they do make for a fun Christmas Day game.

And this end of the scale is just way, way too transactional. Why not just cut out the middle man and buy yourself stuff? Lists are great for kids, but for adults it just introduces a load of unnecessary admin.

Some of the nicest gifts I've received have often been token ones. A bauble for the tree, a seedling, a bottle of nice olive oil or vinegar, comfy socks...

I think you are being unreasonable, some people might not have anyone buying them expensive personalised gifts , so a few token gifts might be all they get at Christmas and birthdays. Inexpensive gifts don't have to be tat, I've had people spend a lot of money on me, but still end up with stuff that I don't want.
If it's not your thing let people know not to bother, but other people might appreciate the gesture, no matter how small.

Absolutely! I think of 'token' gifts as the ones in excessive plastic/gift boxes that aren't actually good quality or useful.

One of my best presents has been toast tongs (with magnet on)!

If more people were doing that, I’d be with you because these gifts sound great. Realistically though how many people gift second hand books? More should, and my DC and I buy second hand books way more than new but I don’t think this is a typical low value Christmas gift.

Look at how many Boots Christmas gift sets people buy for instance - people will buy maybe 5+ sets of random smellies and moisturiser because they want to gift people things, but how much do people really want to receive these gift sets?

@BarbaraofSeville yes it’s so often a candle, moisturiser etc. My MIL gives me all the moisturiser she gets at Christmas and I don’t think I will ever have to buy moisturiser in my life again! It’s just because these people want to get her a token present and they don’t know what else to buy for her. I suppose at least she has me to dump them all on or they would end up in the bin..

Also agree. Really really dislike token gifts that end up in the bin.

Buy me flowers or a plant a book or something I want. Or nothing. I'd prefer nothing that some tat that you know I won't want

I think the issue here is thoughtless gifts, not the low price tag. It's quite possible to give something that will be treasured without spending more than a fiver, and to spend £500 and still end up with something that won't be appreciated because you've put no thought into it.

Look at how many Boots Christmas gift sets people buy for instance - people will buy maybe 5+ sets of random smellies and moisturiser because they want to gift people things, but how much do people really want to receive these gift sets?

Toiletries are only worthwhile gifts if they are specific (e.g. "that gardeners hand cream that mum likes"). If you can describe what you are buying as "smellies", then it is obviously just a random bit of soap/cream in a bottle that is unlikely to be the recipients taste. Far better to go with socks or a second hand book.

Why do people buy them? Better to receive nothing than generic "smellies".

I suppose the tat industry needs to survive as it creates a lot of jobs.

I'm pretty easy to buy for.
Secret Santa I received a lovely box of memo notes that I adore.
A small mosaic candle holder
A fountain pen
A giant ikea mug

All gifts I love ❤️

My parents and i just do token gifts. Last year I got a box of Celebrations and some fluffy socks. I was pleased with both. I got my mum a jigsaw puzzle and some shortbread. For dad, I got some socks and licorice. We don't really need anything but it is nice to have something to open. Apart from that, I only buy for my kids.

I don't think token gifting is the problem. It's excessive gifting that is the problem.

Exactly this.

I voted yanbu and think I’ve misunderstood what’s meant by token.

I think of tokens as those little somethings I’m obligated by above generations to send to distant generations below I rarely see, some of whom I’ve yet to meet and I’ve no idea what they like or already have. I’m thankful it’s only Christmas and not birthdays too.

I do enjoy gifting little mindings to those I do have more of a relationship with and know what sort of things they’ll enjoy and some of those things may be the type of items like in the festive isles, there’s also a lot I’d love to receive like that too.

I do mention early every year, sometimes twice to closer family and friends if they’d like to stop exchanging this year and no takers. We are overseas so there’s a huge chunk of postage costs as well.

Please stop saying it doesn't apply to you because you buy thoughtful gifts that the recipient loved.

Read the threads that always pop up over Christmas in which people say:
"I bought her such a thoughtful gift - a pair of lovely cashmere gloves in the perfect "new" colour to go with her coat. I know she doesn't have any gloves so she'd love them ... - and she bought me some random smellies the same as some stuff I won in a raffle at the PTA. Vile."

And on the next thread: "I thought so carefully about X and got her a beautiful body lotion and bath oil set in her favourite scent, (I've seen it in her house before so I know she loves it). All she gave me was hideous purple gloves. I never wear gloves, I hate gloves. Thoughtless"

And on the day of exchange. Both: "How lovely! Thank you! No, they're perfect. That's so sweet and thoughtful of you"

Yes yes yes. I have someone in my life who buys crap all year round for Christmas because it's her thing. Her heart is in the right place and she is actually very generous - it might be crap but she buys a lot of it so it costs her a lot. But I hate it. I'm in my 50's and don't want a teddy, coaster, (another) mug, mini-candle, joke book or bath bomb.

I'd be perfectly happy with a bottle of wine or bar of chocolate.

I read an economic study of Christmas gifting a while ago that would agree with you. It described, IIRC, the descruction of value as the financial cost to the giver was higher than the value to the receiver. Gifts are less likely to meet the recipients needs because they haven’t chosen them, qnd if people were buying for themselves they might delay a purchase, reuse or buy secondhand.
The only way around that is the recipient sending a link to their desired gift, but personally I can’t imagine anything more devoid of festivity and joy.
I wish all gifts were homemade food. But probably this wouldn’t be ideal for hygiene obsessives who don’t trust others.

YABU a token gift doesn't have to be useless or wasteful. If it is it is due to a thoughtless gift giver.

Things like socks, pants, an umbrella, a thermal baselayer, a pair of gloves, a book, stuff like that is useful and most people will use them eventually.

There will be other things that are suitable for some people but not others, if you know their taste for example buying my Mum a candle is a crap gift as she doesn't like or use them but my Aunt bloody loves a fancy candle.

Crap toiletry sets, novelty mugs, and gimmicky stuff is crap though.

How many umbrellas does one person need though? Unless you happen to know that someone has just broken their umbrella and needs a new one, it's a pointless gift.

Socks wear out quicklyish, and everyone needs several pairs, so are better from that perspective.