Hello. I need to know if IABU, I feel so stuck in the middle and cannot see clearly. I'm sorry it's a bit of a long backstory.
My ds is 13 and has entered a real teenager phase. He rarely helps out unless asked several times, is 80% of the time in his room and being grumpy, doesn't think properly about anything like his head is in the clouds.
My partner of 9 years gets on at him a bit saying he doesn't help enough he should do this he should do that. He shouldnt eat upstairs, he showers too long, he eats too much all of this kind of stuff.
In between all of this he is great he helps him with his bike and they watch football together and more. My ds doesn't see his real dad very much.
We've had an incident where my ds hasn't put his bike away in the shed very well and has scratched my partners racing bike.
At the time he was very calm about it and taked him through how to do put it away nicely ect. I felt awful for both of them, my son because he's done yet another thing wrong and for my partner as his expensive bike has been scratched but I thought he was being calm and understanding about it and put it down to an accident and all was forgotten.
I was wrong. A few weeks later my mum had brought my son a pc (off of my brother to help him out financially) and we talked together about how he can work the money off so he feels like he's earnt it and not just been given a pc. (I want to teach him the value of money and that you have to work hard to get what you want) however my partner has flipped out about it saying he's been waiting for my son to offer to pay for his damaged bike or to do some jobs to pay off for the damage. He's so cross that he's getting to 'buy' and pc but not payed for the damaged bike.
I've suggested my son doesn't get the pc until he's paid or worked off the bike damage but my parter doesnt want to look like the bad guy.
He's said he can wait til after Christmas then make him pay it off but I don't think this is fair. I'd rather resolve the problem now.
I feel like he begrudges my son of having anything good but at the same time I know my son needs to pull his finger out!
My partner has a son aged 17 and if he damaged something no questions would be asked. He gets anything he askes for and does nothing to help or to earn money (he doesn't live with us)
We've had massive arguments about it and I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or doing the right thing. I am terrified of pushing my son away and getting on at him the whole time but at the same time I want to maintain a happy household for my other kids and I don't want to push away my partner. Am I in the wrong? Should I be more harsh on my son? Or Should I defend him more? I feel so stuck and don't know how to resolve the issue. I cannot see a way out of it.