To be livid that year 11 DS thinks 4-5 hours/week homework/revision is enough for GCSEs?

[Hotdaisies22]

DS in year 11. Bright boy but has always been poor at doing homework at home despite being well set up for it at home (quiet desk space etc). Does his homework at homework club after school -Mon - Thurs max 5 hrs week (thats only time homework club room is available at his school). We're having conversations that he now needs to up his game these next few months before GCSEs and start studying /revising at home extra time. Getting massive push back and causing a lot of friction. He thinks what he does is enough and no intention of doing more "at the end of a tiring school day" (he only has a 20 min journey to school). What are other year 11s doing? (I'm trying to have conversation with his school on this but so far they've been rubbish - no reply!)

That's true. DB works in the oil industry. They're not keen on the Brits or French because of their attitude to work. They don't like overtime or changes in responsibilities or location. They're thought lazy.

However, the Scandinavians, Americans, Asians are highly thought of for their flexibility and work ethic.

That's true. DB works in the oil industry. They're not keen on the Brits or French because of their attitude to work. They don't like overtime or changes in responsibilities or location. They're thought lazy.

Do you mean they work to live rather than live to work? Good for them. We need more people like this to kick exploitative bosses and the gig economy into touch.

Exams are in June aren't they it's November.

Yes they work to live, yet moan when they're passed over for promotion or laid off 😁

Its interesting a lot of comments and judgements being made based on Posters’ own experiences of school and GCSEs. Im trying really hard not to do that with my boys but it is difficult given I was a high achiever and naturally want them to do as well and hopefully better than me. Children generally find their own way and with supportive parents will do well - it might just be a different pathway from the one their parents took, or take a bit longer.

Some do. Some don't. Not everyone wants the high stress high pay track. Job satisfaction matters. You're coming off as very judgemental.

It's the companies that maybe judgemental. Me I like the easy life 😂

People can still want promotion without killing themselves for their employer.

Hate all that presenteeism/long hours culture. It benefits no one.

You are being unreasonable. I got my GCSE's without revising and I am a university graduate now with 20 years work experience. Your son is doing 5 hours a week and has good boundaries using home to relax (except when you are nagging him) and school to work in. The school probably haven't replied as they probably have more important things to worry about than a bright year 11 boy who attends homework club every day.

Your colleague sounds horrendous. What a stupid thing to do. Is it somehow suggesting that people living in council estates with “rubbish” everywhere somehow deserve it. The myth is that if you work extremely hard you’ll be able to escape poverty and live a glorious life full of riches and joy. The reality is that the average salary in the uk is under 30k and in london it’s about 41k. That’s not a lot. The Majority of people earning over 100k are usually people who have not just made good choices but have HAD good choices to make.

How revolting.

l think the people working in the soup kitchens were doing a more important job than the tossers driving Lamborghinis.

Who on earth wants to drive a penis extension round?

Same with law school. Also…part of a lot of career paths is being able to calm the fuck down and maintain your cool. Not turn yourself into a nervous wreck because you’re surviving on zero sleep and crying in the library. Which admittedly, I have actually done 😂.

My colleague is originally from Slovakia her ex from a Carribean Island. They are both from working class backgrounds, no family wealth whatsoever, but she is very smart. 1 of her DC is now at Oxford following grammar, the youngest on a full bursary to one of the most famous private schools in the world. She sent them all to
Kumon etc from an early age. Her methods seem to work.
She is now doing some sort of night school to become a trainee solicitor. She had her first child at 19.
I am pretty sure her DC will do really well, whatever her methods. Her stories are funny- I do sometimes wonder if she is exaggerating a bit. They are all Mensa members too now. She told me verbal and non verbal reasoning is entirely coachable, nothing to do with inherent IQ. She also fed her kids lots of strange vitamins.

I’m sorry but this is bonkers. I revised the night before my GCSEs and week before for A levels, I got As/A*s and got into a good uni. Pulled my finger out at uni (still not more than 40 hrs a week tho) and got a 1st, but there’s people from my course with 3rds/2.2s that earn way more than me now.

At the end of the day, you want to end up in a job you enjoy, and people who are motivated by status/money never seem to grasp that. Say you make your (average sounding) son revise 50hrs a week and get high grades above his natural skill level. Is that so you can push him into some degree course that you want him to do? He’ll have to work super long hours to scrape a 2.1 and will likely have a breakdown, and not enjoy his job either. You can’t give someone YOUR aspirations and motivation - it has to come from them.

I love my job and find it interesting (data science). Could I earn much more in investment banking or law? Sure, but I don’t want to work more than 40 hours a week and do more boring work, just to have more money. I kind of saw GCSEs the same. I COULD work like crazy to get 12A*s - or I could have a life, go to Topshop, sit on MSN, drink in the park sometimes and get some As/Bs too.

LOL because working 60 hour weeks and driving a Lambo somehow makes you superior to those poor fuckers on council estates? That person sounds like a wanky prick. My dad’s ex wife tried to give me a similar lecture about how I should be motivated by money and seek the opportunities with more money. It doesn’t work, just like how you can’t force someone to be tall or straight. If you’re not motivated by materialistic bollocks then you don’t have to bust your guts doing 70 hour weeks in pointless “elite” jobs, and can enjoy your life instead.

As exams get closer most schools have finished the curriculum and spend all day revising for a number of months. My sons school recommended only doing a max of 20 mins of 2 subjects per evening to prevent burnout. I think they receive enough pressure at school without the same at home! It's counter productive

Mocks currently in some schools- I was supposed to be an invigilator.

Thanks for various responses even though some people ignored some things I'd already said. I'm NOT expecting him to revise in November, I had a conversation with him about doing more LATER. He thinks that is not needed - hence this post to find out what others do and vent a bit. Maybe the word 'livid' was too strong although I do feel cross inside at times given I'm working my arse off and most of my salary goes on his fees and if left to his own devices, he'd just be playing games and watching tik tok etc for 5 hours an evening and do no work at all (he doesn't as we limit screen time). I'd feel the same if he was still going to his previous non fee paying school of course - I'd still want him to try his best and do the necessary work for a few months before exams whilst being mindful of pressure and mental health - I have friends who have sons who have struggled on that front so I'm well aware of the issues.

At the moment DS doesn't do any revision, his 4- 5 hours at homework club is on 'set' homework (realise some of it may be 'revision' set by teachers). His school say 10 - 11 hours 'homework' a week. Homework club after school is compulsory for him (sort of!) because we pick him up afterwards and won;t pick him up earlier! He does actually do work at the club. He was doing zero homework at home previously before his school started homework club. He does zero school work at weekends. He does not have a part time job. He has a short school commute (leaves home 8.20ish). Does almost nothing in terms of household jobs. He does have hobbies he does including music, he does do informal sport (not pressured competive sport), he does see friends. He is not being tipped over the edge with hothousing pressure by us - far from it. We have a good relationship, we chat lots, we have a laugh. We are not the 'high pressure' parents some have suggested in this thread. He wanted to try the local private school his last few years, we didn't push him into it because we are trying to pressure him or 'buy' top performance of 'all 8/9s' type student (of which there are lots on MN it seems!) we know thats not him and thats fine. He has loads of amazing attributes and skills and we are regularly praising those. We did it because he was a year behind having done little for most of year 9 in lockdown (I mean nothing - his school wasn't doing any 'live' lessons and he had over 40 pieces of outstanding work by summer term). He also had friendship issues as his best friend had left the school. We are very supportive with him and we do offer carrots to encourage him.
There are some really helpful suggestions and advice in the thread which we can try with him. He has no idea what he wants to do next btw. Probably not A levels.

This is disgusting. Imagine ‘touring’ people worse off than yourself to tell your kids they don’t wanna be like them 🤢

This was meant to be in reply to the person who’s friend did this, not OP

Interestingly I was at a parents’ session at DS1’s school last night. A big focus was on revision and what DC need to be doing- the head said 95% of year 11 are doing at least the school’s minimum expectation of 3 hours on school nights and 5 hours a day at weekends.

This is backed up by checks carried out by teachers on revision materials. He also said that on average in other schools, year 11 are doing 3 hours in school nights and 3 hours a day at weekends.

Virtually all parents I spoke to were happy the school was setting high expectations and were enforcing these at home.

I think the idea some have on this thread that no year 11s are doing any work and that GCSEs don’t matter is for the birds.

You should have sent him to a state school and let him fend for himself 😝

YABU. All he will do is tire himself out and give a poor performance in school. He probably has no idea what to revise or how to revise anyway. Seneca premium is pricy but a good way to ensure he is revising only the stuff he needs to.

DD1 worked every day of the year except for Christmas and birthdays, DD2 did the bare minimum and their grades are not that different. Let him have a childhood.

If I come across too much as a tigermum on these threads it is because I am first gen immigrant from a v poor country with no social security, as is DH. No generational wealth, no family in the UK, no UK education. We had to really start from scratch and fight our way up. This colours our thinking. Our DC have an easier road but still not easy.

OP, I feel for you and don't think you are being unreasonable. Solutions though are harder.

There are some really helpful suggestions and advice in the thread which we can try with him. He has no idea what he wants to do next btw. Probably not A levels.
I'm curious what experiences he's getting outside of school and schoolwork. Particularly if he doesn't want to do A-levels.

What does he do apart from homework?