To be livid that year 11 DS thinks 4-5 hours/week homework/revision is enough for GCSEs?

[Hotdaisies22]

DS in year 11. Bright boy but has always been poor at doing homework at home despite being well set up for it at home (quiet desk space etc). Does his homework at homework club after school -Mon - Thurs max 5 hrs week (thats only time homework club room is available at his school). We're having conversations that he now needs to up his game these next few months before GCSEs and start studying /revising at home extra time. Getting massive push back and causing a lot of friction. He thinks what he does is enough and no intention of doing more "at the end of a tiring school day" (he only has a 20 min journey to school). What are other year 11s doing? (I'm trying to have conversation with his school on this but so far they've been rubbish - no reply!)

I keep hearing this a lot from older family members - thing is here at least it's not straight forward to re-take though it doesn't mean there aren't options.

I also think it's counter productive to motivation - I think there some students who need much more care about their mental health but some like DS and DD1 do need a kick up the arse a reminder about their goals and emphasis on it's easier to work now and get grade needed than have to find another way or resit.

So what?

Maybe the OP’s son doesn’t want to do A-Levels. There are alternatives.

I'd be over the moon if my Year 11 DS did just one hour of revision.

Did you ever think your son might not be academically minded and may be better doing something vocational? Sounds like he’s doing plenty honestly.

He's fifteen, not a grown adult with a full-time job!

5/6 wouldn’t get you into any A level course at my sons college.

At my DD's current school you need at least a 6 in any A level subject you wish to study but for Maths, sciences or MFL you need a 7 to reflect the difficulty of the course. As it happens the school can't offer the subject combination DD wants so she'll probably go to a 6th form college - the grade requirements generally are lower (5s) but the grades needed for Maths etc are the same as at her school.

I think you have to encourage kids to look ahead. DD loves languages and she wants to do a MFL A level so she knows she needs to put the work in, no pressure needed from me.

I think leading by example is a good idea. My brother used to tell his kids to work hard and then go off to the pub!
When my kids were coming up to exams, none of us watched TV until some work had been done and we did not have friends round or go out. We were always available if not working to do testing for them and discussed their subjects with them.
I also don’t think there is any harm in the offer of a present at the end (for hard work not for results).
However I do believe in some down time.

What does he want after GCSE's ? What does he need to get, to get into the next step, eg vocational course. Even many of those require passes in certain subjects.

When are his mocks? If he does poorly in those then you'll have concrete evidence that he needs to do more. What is he planning to do after Y11? What grades will he need for this?

Looking ahead is one thing. Endlessly pressuring them into feeling that their entire life hinges on their GCSE grades is another.

YABU..... to be LIVID is extreme.

As long as he gets the grades to get him to the next stage of education that's all that matters right? Exam results are not the be all and end all.

I've never asked my kids about their homework or check if it's done..... it's not me that has to suffer the consequences from their teachers.

I've never insisted on them revising for their exams - I simply reminded them that they can make it as easy or as difficult as they like. They'll get out what they put in and not to put themselves in a position to look back and be disappointed in themselves and ultimately to do enough to give themselves options.

I'm curious as to your reasoning behind your reactions.....

I think it depends on the child - DS has always struggled with organisation and he expressed concerns and wanted help. I'm trying to step in and give him the skills he'll need - and unfortunately in Y11 he still needs some support.

I didn't at same age - despite similar SEN issues to him - but my school was better at least for GCSE and here covid has badly impacted his school and staff levels - I think it's left DD1 with some bad habits and expectations as well.

I do agree though the OP current approach doesn't seem to be helping and it's certainly possible fee paying school is all over exam prep and he really does need to do less for his mocks.

I think after the mocks may be a good time to re-asses and have conversations with him but no doing homework is probably why the OP concerned as it is the bare minimum.

I’m not sure being livid is going to help. It might be enough at this stage but he will have to raise his game in the last few months if he wants to do well

i did quite a lot but I was very self motivated in a way I imagine most year 11 boys are not

Wow that’s a lot!!

I never did anything like that amount and got straight A’s through GCSEs and A levels. I suppose it depends on their natural ability and how much they retain/learn as the year went by. I wouldn’t think that would be sustainable for almost a year though. And I’d be surprised if they studied for 5 hours solid on a weekend. Do you set them your own work?

It might be plenty now but it’s far from plenty for the actual exams. The work he’s doing at homework club is likely to be homework, but he will need to start creating revision notes etc soon. You’re not being unreasonable at all. Maybe start with a couple of hours over the weekend, no tiring journey then!

@Hotdaisies22 As PP have repeatedly said, being "livid" is an overreaction and a half. My DC have now all left school, thank goodness, but all you can do is give them the opportunities, support/advise them if they ask for it, sometimes give them unsolicited advice which will piss them off, and let them get on with it and reap the rewards or not of working hard/not working hard. I sympathise, especially when you're paying for it - but my experience of flogging through 20 years of school fees is that if the child is being basically well taught, and if they attend all classes in a reasonably receptive frame of mind, they will be anything from ok plus at GCSE level without doing a huge amount of prep/revision out of school.

Yes, but a lot of people look back and wish they would have studied harder and done better in education. They were just too young to get it then. At 15/16, lots of kids aren’t really looking to the future that much but if you do want a good career, your GCSEs are often the start of that. As parents, being older, we know that so giving a bit of a push, if needed, without being overly pushy is the responsible thing to do.

At that age, my son was bright but could be quite lazy. He thanked me on results day for making him put the work in. And now 2 years later, he’s a lot more mature and just does it himself.

DS has his first mocks this week and hasn't looked at a book at all this weekend, much to my annoyance. He has however just dug out his exam pencil case which is a bonus.

I've decided to stop asking him now and see how he gets on. If it's a huge mess then he might step up for February mocks......

Looking ahead is one thing. Endlessly pressuring them into feeling that their entire life hinges on their GCSE grades is another.

Well yeah. Which is why I don't pressure her. But I'm lucky that my DD is motivated. It must be really hard to be a parent watching their child put in fuck all effort if they aren't one of the typical MN genius kids who would pass their GCSEs with 9s even if they went out clubbing until 4am the night before every exam.

His exams, his decision. No child should have to do lessons for more than five hours a day five days a week and homework should be voluntary.

Has he any experience of the kind of job he's likely to end up doing without good grades? My school did two weeks work experience in Nov of Y11 and I was bored out of my skull, it really helped focus the mind when it came to revision?

I'd say work smart not hard though. My sister studied for hours, she found it soothing to colour in diagrams, colour code her notes, remake her revision posters with slightly better drawings - she struggled to really rest if she wasn't doing some "work". I was of the view the exam board didn't care what colour my revision card was. Did a bunch of past papers, paid attention to "exam skills" (read the question properly, make an essay plan,learn to pace your time answering questions) as well as course content. We got very similar grades because her extra hours weren't actually earning extra marks (but they calmed her and that has value in itself)

OP, I think you’re being very unreasonable.

What pressure you’re putting on your child! My parents would never have put this pressure on me! And I will never put this on mine. You’re walking a dangerous path here in terms of both your relationship with him and putting him off learning altogether.

It’s no wonder there is a mental health problem amongst our young people. The pressures today are insane (& yes this is partly why we choose to home educate our DC).

Really all he needs is some support and to get the qualifications he needs to get to the next level. I don’t understand the obsession with ‘good grades’. It’s a dangerous path in my opinion for kids. It’s like your worth is so attached to your grades.

Imo it’s fine to be fairly laissez-faire about GCSEs if your child is actually revising and doing their homework, as OP’s is. It’s only bloody November!

If he’s Y11, then Covid started in Feb of Y8. So not sure how you’ve spent out on 4 years of private school for problems during and after Covid.

It does seem you’ve maybe wasted your money on a school that hasn’t managed to instil more of an expectation.

That said, if he’s predicted 4-7 and mostly at lower end, and 4 is a low pass, then maybe you’ve absolutely not wasted your money - 4 instead of 3 is more valuable that 5 instead of 4.

It’s good that he’s happy to go to homework club. If he works better less independently, do his school up the additional time as they get closer to exams? You may find he’s much more willing to do more formal extra time.

When are his mocks? They often work for a kick up the arse! In November, exams feels quite far away, and 5 hours extra a week is LOADS more than almost any state educated child I know. (I have a Y10 and a Y12)

But he’s not an investment banker, he’s 16. He might have secret aspirations of becoming a hairdresser for all we know.