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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To question his intentions?

101 replies

Purpledott · 06/11/2022 09:42

Hi everyone

Really confused and starting to have some doubts. I have been speaking to somebody for a few weeks and we get on well. We have not met yet but he’s been saying how much he likes me and how much he wants me to be in his life and he has been very full on with me very quickly.

He went on a night out last night and this morning I have woke up to lots of missed calls and texts. Telling me he feels lost and has heard some bad news that he’s having to move out of his house for the time being and has no where to go and that he wants to see me to talk about it to me. What would you do?

OP posts:
Ekátn · 06/11/2022 09:44

I would block and ghost quite frankly.

Has cocklodger written all over it

Homewardbound2022 · 06/11/2022 09:45

IGNORE.

Riverlee · 06/11/2022 09:46

Avoid. He trying to worm his way into staying at yours. Don’t let him. You don’t owe him anything and him having no-where to stay is not your problem.

Mywingshurt · 06/11/2022 09:48

Your instincts are spot on. Block and delete.

something2say · 06/11/2022 09:50

Say you are busy but you hope it works out - then go silent for a bit - he cannot expect to come and stay at yours and this COULD be a trick, a manipulation. Either way, it would be FAR too early to have home come and stay, you do not know him. This is you getting to know him. He wants to foist this type of problem on you so soon?? Watch and wait...

Newusernameaug · 06/11/2022 09:50

I’d run a mile!

LemonDrop22 · 06/11/2022 09:51

I believe this is jokingly called "hobo-sexual" ... People who use romances/relationships to get accommodation.

And he's so bad at it he's apparently trying to get you to accommodate him before he's even met you let alone got a relationship going for a while.

Why does he need to talk to you about it? You're a stranger he's messaged off a dating site presumably and have nothing to do with his accommodation & living circumstances.

That would be up to him, his relatives, the council etc.

LemonDrop22 · 06/11/2022 09:52

he has been very full on with me very quickly.

Not a sign of a well adjusted individual.

The sudden accommodation panic and implication that he's going to involve you in it is the cherry on top.

JeniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 06/11/2022 09:53

So he has known you a few weeks and you are the only person in his life that he can talk to about his bad news???
Run!

Calyx72 · 06/11/2022 09:53

His wife probably went through his phone and gave him hell.
I would message back and say that sounds awful, best of luck, cheerio

Lachie · 06/11/2022 09:53

You’ve not even met him yet and he’s hit you with all this personal drama!

I would avoid him and wouldn’t trust him. Just say sorry to hear and that you don’t have time for this. He’ll move onto the next soon enough.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 06/11/2022 09:53

Unless you're the housing officer for his local council what's the point of meeting you to 'discuss' it? you haven't even met and he wants to you help with sorting out his 'problem.'

Badgirlriri · 06/11/2022 09:54

Cocklodger. Block him.

LemonDrop22 · 06/11/2022 09:55

Calyx72 · 06/11/2022 09:53

His wife probably went through his phone and gave him hell.
I would message back and say that sounds awful, best of luck, cheerio

Yeah I was wondering myself if he's actually not been single, had been caught on dating sites messaging you (probably among others) and is being kicked out of his accommodation by his partner.

bigblueyonder · 06/11/2022 09:55

Run - block and ghost. This is the first step into using you for accommodation / food /sex. He has brought nothing to this relationship except a few messages telling you all you want to hear.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 06/11/2022 09:55

Ekátn · 06/11/2022 09:44

I would block and ghost quite frankly.

Has cocklodger written all over it

This. You’ve not even met him.

Poppyseed14 · 06/11/2022 09:58

"Hobo-sexual" 🤣🤣🤣

Agree with everyone else OP. I think you might have dodged a bullet here.

Original poster
Purpledott · 06/11/2022 09:59

Thanks everyone. Sorry I forgot to add that we do live in the same town and have seen each other around but that’s as far as it goes. I don’t know him personally and we have only been messaging for a few weeks. I had 7 missed calls this morning and about ten messages saying how lost he is and that he doesn’t know where to turn. He was begging me to return the calls saying he really needs to talk to about it

OP posts:
gamerchick · 06/11/2022 10:01

Unless you want him moving in today and sponging off you until you can get rid of him. I'd advise not returning those calls.

Mute him or turn your phone off.

LemonDrop22 · 06/11/2022 10:01

Purpledott · 06/11/2022 09:59

Thanks everyone. Sorry I forgot to add that we do live in the same town and have seen each other around but that’s as far as it goes. I don’t know him personally and we have only been messaging for a few weeks. I had 7 missed calls this morning and about ten messages saying how lost he is and that he doesn’t know where to turn. He was begging me to return the calls saying he really needs to talk to about it

As another poster said, the only person he should be speaking urgently to is a housing officer.

He seems to be latching onto you to solve his major problems and you're a stranger he's only been messaging for a few weeks. Its totally and utterly inappropriate, and says nothing good about him.

LemonDrop22 · 06/11/2022 10:03

This dude sounds like a disaster area.

And a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 06/11/2022 10:04

Either he's got no one else he can turn to or he's pressuring you and he hopes that you'll cave and offer him a room if you meet F2F. All those messages to someone he's known a few weeks?

LemonDrop22 · 06/11/2022 10:06

It's very odd that someone doesn't have one solitary relative or friend to help him, even temporarily in these circumstances. Very odd.

He's very unlucky or he's burned all his bridges with them.

WeAreTheHeroes · 06/11/2022 10:07

This has more red flags than a row of Russian bunting. Do not engage. He probably split up with his last lady friend last night and was lining you up as the replacement.

Zipps · 06/11/2022 10:07

100% agree that his wife is kicking him out for cheating. Don't allow him to use you in any way. Block and move on.