To question his intentions?

[Purpledott]

Hi everyone

Really confused and starting to have some doubts. I have been speaking to somebody for a few weeks and we get on well. We have not met yet but he’s been saying how much he likes me and how much he wants me to be in his life and he has been very full on with me very quickly.

He went on a night out last night and this morning I have woke up to lots of missed calls and texts. Telling me he feels lost and has heard some bad news that he’s having to move out of his house for the time being and has no where to go and that he wants to see me to talk about it to me. What would you do?

This 100%

@Lachie definitely not a troll, I’m a bit taken a back by it too! Within a week he was pouring his heart out to me over message about how terrible his year has been

OP, you say you've seen him around but do you actually know anything about him apart from what he's told you?

Right there tells you all you need to know. He's a chancer.

@Ludo19 no absolutely nothing apart from what he has told me about himself over message

He has his eyes on your address op.

OP, my nan had a saying about predictable disasters, which was 'blimey, they saw you coming, didn't they?' He's been grooming you to feel sorry for him because he's got you down from your responses as kind, sympathetic and to put it bluntly, liable to be a pushover for whatever it is he wants from you.

@Purpledott then please don't engage further, honestly there's countless posters can see him for what he is. Just throw this one back.

Cocklodger & a waste of your time.

’Sorry life’s tough at the moment. I hope you can meet up with friends or family to talk it through. BYE!’

He needs to move immediately? On a Saturday night/Sunday morning?

"We have not met yet"

Think about it. You've chatted online with a stranger for a few weeks.

Just stay well away. It's just not safe and what he is saying is in no way reasonable.

I think something like @Readaboutyourself ’s reply would be fine, closely followed by blocking him.

To me he's either
A - Crap with money and wants to sponge of you
B - Is having a crap time and wants you to give him cuddls and tell him everything will be fine.... I.e. to mother him.
In either case you really can't start a proper relationship with him, because he either can't look after himself or wants others to look after him.

The absolute maximum I think you should do is offer him advice about how to deal with his debt issue. He hasn't been let down by his housemate, his housemate has told him that he's being sponging of them for long enough and he's got to leave.

I don’t know you well enough to take this on. True.
I can’t help. True.
Good luck with sorting your situation out. Well meaning and polite.

This is a realistic and charitably reasonable response to his behaviour. What he responds with will tell you everything you need to know. If you won’t listen to us, listen to him.
Anything other than an ‘ok thanks’ reply is his signature as a car crash. Into your HOUSE.

Run!

Nope.

This is definitely a hobosexual setting the scene for becoming a cocklodger.

I'd bet you £50 he wants to "stay with you for a couple weeks". He'll then still be there in a year.

Where did he get your number from to start messaging, why haven't you met up yet if its been 7 weeks?

But seriously OP he's after you lending him money or wanting to move in with you.
Ignore him or even better block him

He's married
Hi wife's found him on dating sites and kicked him out
I'd put money on it

I mean he's 100% cocklodging twat. There's no question

The only problem I have is that you didn't spot this earlier and you still haven't blocked him.

I know you've done the right thing op, but honestly, the fact that you even had to ask the question is massive alarms to me about your boundaries.
This should have been an immediate ffs/block and delete/given no more thought whatsoever. It is as obvious as 'I'm a Nigerian Prince.'

You like the drama

I was in a similar situation not long ago.

A man contacted me on Facebook. I thought he was the friend of a friend, so wasn't too concerned at first as he seemed polite and friendly. But, after a few days, the sob stories started.

First, his car needed some repairs and he didn't know how he'd pay for them, then his dog got sick and he was facing an enormous vet's bill and then a family member in another country was ill and he didn't have the airfare.

All this, despite initially boasting about having a well paid job and showing me a selection of pictures of himself in various far-flung destinations. Anyway, I wished him luck sorting out his problems, and blocked him.

In The Sociopath Next Door, Martha Stout says a hallmark of these individuals is the Pity Play , where they get you to feel sorry for them and then parasitically exploit you.
Oddly enough I think I met a female one recently. Fresh out of a long relationship, sofa-surfing, asked very quickly if I had a two-bed flat. On the surface I thought, this woman is bright, funny and charismatic. We went for a drink. She proceeded to tell me about a litany of disasters in every workplace, none of which were her fault. Whenever I see her I get clanging alarm bells and a voice screeching, "don't tell her where you live, don't let her in your flat, get away from her!" Gut feeling on absolute overdrive. It's a feeling I've never had so quickly with someone.
Sadly if you invite irresponsible people into your life, they will drag you down the hole too.

I was on OLD for 3 years. Did have a blast and I'm off now, yay! But, in that time and 'matches' with hundreds of blokes...

4 x dead grandmothers
3 x kicked out of flat/flat mate is a druggie
Lost count x covid
2 x car broke down

Sure - individually each was possibly possible. But collectively, Probably wisest to assume each was a lie.,

Sounds like a keeper! Debts, homeless and all before you've even met!